First I would like to thank you guys for operating this service; truly it helps many people in distress, and I pray to Allah (SWT) to reward you for your efforts. I have been going through a rough patch for about 3 years. I have been married for about 2 years now, and this marriage has been difficult for both my parents and I.

I am married to my first cousin, and although he is a very nice person at heart, I feel that he is a brat. Being the only son in his family, he has always had things his way. Additionally, his parents used to be very well-off financially in the early years of his life, so he had no limits at that time. Later however, their family faced a crisis that changed things upside down for them, leaving them in a much less extravagant financial condition. He was 13 at the time, and I feel this may have instilled a lot of fears in him.

Well, my problem is this that right after we got engaged (nikah) he was on my case that I should work after marriage. I really hadn't given this much thought until then, and quiet honestly I wouldn't have minded working after marriage, but what hurt me was that he was so adamant about it and I kind of felt betrayed, thinking that he married me for this reason.

He had just graduated, and had started working at his uncle's company. But he wanted to switch jobs, so he started to kind of ask my parents to get him a new job in our home country (which is where he resided) where my uncle was in an influential position. My parents started to work on that, but it was hard because we are not so close to that uncle. This situation made me feel very guilty and helpless. I hated that my parents had to be going through this. It made me lose a lot of respect for my husband because I don't really like men who are so dependent on other people for basic things like a job/career and make such little effort to get things done on their own.

Well, a year later we got married and I moved in with him in our home country. The initial period of this marriage was torture for me because my husband was at home all the time, and was bullying everyone in the house for the minutest of issues. In their [his family home] house, they use really harsh words and fight a lot, so this time was really traumatic. I was really afraid of him and my in-laws as well.

I had started to apply for jobs by the second week of our marriage. Since I was qualified from a foreign university, I had very little trouble in finding jobs for myself. On the other hand, my husband had had a fight with his uncle, and was now without a job. This increased pressure on me and my parents to get him a job through my uncle, but no such thing materialized because my uncle was not interested, and also because my husband has an attitude problem due to his upbringing. He also did some job searching himself but to no avail.... I think he started to feel a little inferior at this point, because the case was so different for me. He told me he didn't want me to work anymore.

About 2 months into marriage, I started being sick, but I wasn't sure what was wrong, so I kept telling myself, and everyone that it would all be OK, and that I wasn't in too much pain. It wasn't until a month later when I wasn't getting better that my mother decided to take things into her own hands, and flew down, and took me to a doctor. There, the doctor told us that I had a pregnancy complication, and had to be operated upon immediately. Because this complication was diagnosed so late, it would also reduce my chances of being a mother later on in life. This traumatized me immensely, but shockingly during this time, my husband was really good to me, he cared for me so much. He is a really nice and caring guy deep down.... but I was just so filled with rage and anger. I couldn't believe that this happened and that I let it happen. Also, I was angry at him too because he had terrified me so much in the beginning until I wasn't able to take good care of myself and as a result had lost something I would never get back.

My mother decided to take me back to where my parents resided for a few months after the operation, and my husband tagged along. Back in my parents home, I treated him very badly, because I was just so mad and angry. I insulted him, embarrassed him in front of my siblings and we had many fights. But he was still being good to me at this time, he was being patient in ways I never thought he was capable of being. Meanwhile, my father decided to help him get a job there because his unemployed status was a big worry for all of us. After my father pulled a few strings to get him a job, my husband confessed that he hadn't finished his studies, and that he wanted to go back to Pakistan, complete his studies and then return there to job hunt again. This really enraged me, because this man was treating my parents like toys....he was making them run around for him, and he himself was making such little effort to do anything for himself. I am not my parents only daughter, I have 2 younger unmarried sisters, and I just felt so hurt and guilty that my parents had to be going through so much for me. So, we returned to Pakistan and there my husband got busy trying to finish his studies. At this point I decided that I should start working as this would maybe help our situation in some way, and help relieve some pressure off my parents. However, my husband said I couldn't and didn't let me.

After about 6 months in Pakistan, we found out that I was pregnant, and I was elated. But here again, my husband refused to take care of me and demanded that my mother fly down to handle my health care. Meanwhile, he finished his studies and decided to fly down to my parents house without me, and apply for jobs there. After I was well enough to fly, my mother and I returned to my parents house. Currently this is where me and my husband are, and although my dad has helped him find a job, he is still on a probation period.

I am about 6 months pregnant now, and I am just so embarrassed to be living with my husband in my parents house. I am overwhelmed with guilt, and I hate being a burden on them. My parents are really good people who have struggled throughout their lives. Masha-Allah they are relatively successful too, but they are getting old, and have two other daughters besides me, they can't just keep doing things for me.

I do love my husband because he is a good person deep down, and is caring towards me, but I hate that his actions have and still do cause so much pain to the other people I love so dearly. I have become resentful towards him, and occasionally treat him very badly in ways I am not proud of. I have thrown his belongings out of our house and even slapped him once in a fit of rage. I don't want to be like this. I never thought that this is the kind of wife I would be. I feel so trapped, and helpless in my situation.

Lately I have noticed that my husband has been returning a bit to his bratty ways. I feel he isn't working as hard as he can at his job even though it isn't permanent yet....additionally he never takes any initiative in getting things done for himself, and my poor father ends up having to do it for him. I hate this. Please help me understand what I am supposed to do; I really want to be a good wife, and a good daughter. I want to be able to motivate my husband, and help him improve as a person. I know he has it in him, but he just seems so unmotivated and lazy to do anything. Also, he just has such a bad professional attitude. He takes other people for granted, and makes them run around and do things for him while he just lies around thinking he is just so smart and strategic. Please help me.