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As salamu 'alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh dear sister.
It is far from apparent how you and your husband met, or how you have managed to sustain your marriage for the past 3 years, being that you live in separate countries. This along with the inability to get to know his family, let a lone yours, does make the whole situation difficult. As the the daughter-in-law not within physical contact, adds to whatever impressions your father-in-law may have of you. The situation also does not allow for father-in-law to get to know you, and to set aside any prejudices which he seems to have towards you.
Parents from that region do have a reputation for being very possessive about their children, and it seems to bear true in your husband's case. However, it is your husband who does have to decide on what he is going to do, and whatever that is, it will call upon much patience, supplication, and guidance from Allah (SWT) as to the direction he should take.
- If your husband decides to acquiesce to the demands of his father, he will in fact give much control over his life to his father, and not just pertaining to your marriage, but to his future, whether that be personal, or otherwise.
- If your husband is intent on remaining married to you, then he has to make good intentions to find another job. If his father's offer seems like the only option available, then your husband has to make it clear that it is without conditions, then it will be up to your father-in-law to accept or reject. However, even if there is an understanding that no conditions are allowed as regards your marriage, by the very fact that the financial support is about setting up a business, would not that business be based in his home country?
- And what about you? Have you ever considered settling in the home country of your husband? Yes, it would be difficult, especially as your husband would not be able to provide a home for you, and support you, until at least a couple of years into living in the same country. This of course would mean living together under the roof of your in-laws, and would allow you all to get to know one another, but if this is not acceptable to you, and you are not prepared to make the necessary sacrifice, then divorce is a logical step.
Love is one thing, and being able to provide for one another, support one another is something else. Why is it, that you cannot settle in your husband's home country, at least until he gets himself on his feet. Are there any conditions to your marriage on yor part? Sometimes one can be head over heels in love, and yes it would be nice to get married, BUT, we have to live in my country! This kind of love is difficult to sustain in when the culture of one spouse is family centered, and where family takes precidence over the individual, and when the culture of another spouse is centered on the individual.
Your father-in-law began to accept the marriage until your husband became unemployed, and although living with them will be difficult at first, you would be in a better position to learn about the culture of your husband, and thus get to know him, to understand what role Islam plays in their lives, and to develop ties of relationship with his parents. Sometimes from afar, something unfamiliar can seem daunting, but once one finds ones self in that situation, the social, emotional, and psychological tools that one act as a rudder to help one through the rough domestic seas.
You really need to decide sister, what you want out of the marriage, and so does your husband. It would be advisable to make Istikhara, prayer for guidance, (see below), to know which way forward, and to see if your husband is genuinely non-plused about having children. Obviously , you have been married before, so the idea of children may differ greatly between the both of you. Yet, if you really do love each other, together you can find your way through this situation, and if he would like children, there are many Muslim orphans who could do with a home.
For your further guidance, please try the following links:
Wife and In-Laws Relationship
Balancing Husband's Duties Towards Wife and Parents
Disastrous Daughter-in-Law
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