First, you are to be commended for the sincere concern you have for balancing your obligations to Allah (SWT), and to your husband. No doubt, Allah Most High knows that you truly care for your religion, love your husband and wish to maintain a strong relationship with Allah and with your husband. Marriage is indeed a blessing from Allah and the notion of being able to engage in intimate relations with one’s spouse is an added blessing. There is also a direct relationship between the quality of one’s relationship with Allah and the quality of one’s marital relations. The stronger the relationship of each spouse is to Allah Most High, the more likely it is that the marital relationship will be strong in sha ’Allah. However, there is absolutely no circumstance under which the relationship with Allah and any of the obligations to Allah can be sacrificed, neglected or compromised for the sake of pleasing one’s spouse. Therefore, the five daily prayers are obligatory for single and married people and one’s entire lifestyle and schedule must be aligned in such a way as to maintain one’s obligations to Allah. We are pleased to hear that you pray five times daily and that you are striving not to miss any prayers.

Second, it is fitting to remind ourselves that intimate relations with one’s spouse are not to be minimized at all, as the beloved Prophet Muhammad (SAW) has through a narration by Uqba bin Amir, radhi Allahu anhu:

"From among all the conditions which you have to fulfill, the conditions which make it legal for you to have sexual relations (i.e. the marriage contract) have the greatest right to be fulfilled"  (Bukhari 50: 882).

Of course, what dignifies the intimate relations among spouses is not just that each spouse has a right to experience sexual satisfaction, but also because there is a supplication to be made as the couple approaches one another, there are clear instructions as to what is and is not permissible within the realm of intimacy, and there are even instructions for personal hygiene following intimacy with one’s spouse.

Third, you have raised some interesting points about the challenges one faces in attempting to keep up Islamic obligations while the rest of the world functions on an entirely different time schedule. Ideally, our daily lives and schedules should be centered around the prayer times. Of course, the reality is that depending on the season the difference between the time for the Fajr prayer and the time to report to work is anywhere between 3-5 hours. As you said, sometimes, sunrise is around 4:30am and yet one might not have to report to work until 9am. So in your case, there are very real challenges with maintaining an active and healthy sex life and maintaining the Islamic obligations such as the five daily prayers and personal hygiene. It should help you to know that the Prophet Muhammad (SAW) did sleep without the ghusl or ritual bath after having sexual relations. We learn in a narration from two of his wives, 'Aisha and Um Salama radhi Allahu anhuma that:

“at times Allah's Apostle used to get up in the morning in the state of Janabaafter having sexual relations with his wives. He would then take a bath and fast.  (Sahih Bukhari 3: 31 #148).

Since your questions are very specific with regards to the amount of time it requires you to dry your hair and how this poses challenges for you physically and romantically, we urge you to submit your question as well to the Ask the Scholar section of Islam Online. In addition, we have included a response below from the Fatwa section, to a question similar to yours.

Finally, we urge you to learn more about intimate relations in Islam so that you can feel liberated and resume enjoying such relations with your husband. One aspect which clearly needs to be addressed is that your husband cannot by habit forego praying the Fajr prayer. Gently nudge him towards fulfilling his obligations to Allah so that together he and you in sha’Allah have can grow spiritually and intimately as a couple. There can be no excuse for missing the obligatory prayers, and especially not so on account of not having had a bath after satisfying one’s lower desires. We make du`aa' that you and your husband will have a terrific and romantic life together in sha ’Allah and that you will both have a strong relationship with Allah and with each other!

And Allah knows best.

From Counselor Hwaa Irfan

As salamu 'alaykum sister and we pray that your emotional bonding grows from strength to strength  for when physical intimacy fails, there is nothing better.

We appreciate that you and your husband are enjoying each others company, but even though this is the basis under which you join each others company, please bear in mind that it will not be like that forever. At some point, either you or your husband will tire of maintaining your marriage on the same basis, and the time will come when you will want more, but you might not know what, because you have allowed yourself to believe that your current marital relations is the constant picture of your marriage. As Counselor 'Abdullah 'abdur Rahman has said, it is the balance between the two, i.e. the relationship with loved ones and the relationship with Allah (SWT); and then somewhere in-between the two is the relationship with ones self which provides the ability to develop ones potential as a human being and as a spiritual being. If you confine yourself to physical relations, then the limitation of those relations is what you will experience. However if you allow some light into your lives by making room for your relationship with Allah (SWT), you will find life a little more interesting. Allah (SWT) helps us to maintain balance through the rituals after physical intimacy with our spouses through bathing, and bathing differs depending on the meaning. You complain about the thorough bathing that you have to go through each time. But in a region where water is precious, for Prophet Muhammad it was different:

"Narrated Ibn 'Abbas: The Prophet and Maimuna used to take a bath from a single pot" (Al-Bukhari 1:5 #253).

So as for worrying about ruining your hair, their should be no problem, unless you are talking about hairstyle, which should be simple anyway. The nature of these 'baths' is clarified as further as follows:

"Narrated Jubair bin Mutim: Allah's Apostle said, "As for me, I pour water three times on my head." And he pointed with both his hands" (Al Bukhari 1: 5 #254).

And…

Narrated Jabir bin 'Abdullah: The Prophet used to pour water three times on his head: (Al Bukhari :1 5: 255).

And…

Narrated Abu Ja'far: Jabir bin Abdullah said to me, "Your cousin (Hasan bin Muhammad bin Al-Hanafiya) came to me and asked about the bath of Janaba. I replied, 'The Prophet uses to take three handfuls of water, pour them on his head and then pour more water over his body.' Al-Hasan said to me, 'I am a hairy man.' I replied, 'The Prophet had more hair than you' " (Al Bukhari 1: 5 #256).

Remember it is a ritual bath, and not the kind of bath we have in this time of waste and haste.

For further guidance, please try the following link:

•Washing Hair While Performing Ghusl After Sexual Relations