Dear sister,
I am sorry that you have been deceived! Your husband knew that he could not have sexual relations yet he did not share this with you and went through with the marriage anyway. It is one thing for a man to be infertile (which, if he knew, he should have shared with you) but it is an even graver matter if he cannot engage in sexual relations!
Dear sister, because he cannot fulfill his role, you are being asked to not only give up on the chance of having children, but also to suppress your natural and healthy inclination towards having sexual relations. Dear sister, Allah tells us in the Qur`an:
“And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy between your(hearts).Verily, in that are Signs for those who reflect.” (Ar-Rum 30:21)
Sexual relations are part of this tranquility, love, and mercy that is supposed to exist in your marriage. Furthermore, do you realize that deceit is not included in this hadith? He had no right to withhold that from you!
Allah also tells us that:
“They [wives] are your garments and ye are their garments.” (Al-Baqarah 2:187)
This verse is directly referencing sexual relations, meaning that a husband and wife complete each others emotional and physical needs!
I think it was excellent that you asked him to see a doctor. If he does not choose to better himself and attempt to repair this situation that he unjustly put you in, then I think it is incredibly fair and reasonable of you to seek out a divorce. In terms of your family and him asking you to be his lifelong companion, this is an atrocity! Allah has not asked you to do that so how dare they! That is incredibly selfish, ignorant, and oppressive!
I recommend that you seek the assistance of a wise and knowledgeable imam (sheikh) in your area and let him help you get a divorce if your husband refuses to grant you one. If and when you divorce, you do not need to tell people why you are divorcing, in fact, you can share you desires with your husband and barter an agreement in which he grants you a divorce and you promise not to divulge his private matters to anyone. You could say that you divorced because you were incompatible or something else to his suiting.
Islam is not a celibate religion and it does not encourage deceit between husband and wife. Honestly, I don’t see this relationship succeeding in its current state. You might want to share the Islamic perspective with your family so that they can support you (if you think it will help).
I pray that Allah helps you in your time of need and that Allah will grant you rewards for your suffering and steadfastness.
