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Last Update: 01:12 GMT, Sunday, Dec. 06, 2009 |
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Family
> Cyber Counselor
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Name of Questioner
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Sapphire
- India |
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Title
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Why Did I Get Married!?
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Question
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As salamu 'alaykum...
From the onset I want to sincerely thank Islam Online for helping disillusioned people like me to find the correct path. I am in my mid-twenties, married and a mother of a one and half year old son. I was brought up in Jeddah and did my schooling until 12th grade over there. After that I went to the U.S. for doing my bachelors along with my twin brother. My parents were not ready to send me since they couldn't afford to pay the tuition for two children simultaneously. I insisted that I will work part time and some how manage to come up with money for studies. With all the excitement, hopes and dreams, my family let us go. They helped us pay part of our tuition and living. However, my brother and I also worked through out the college years to come up with enough money.
Mean while I met a person through common friends and started talking to him on the phone. When I was in the junior year of my college, I talked to my parents and got engaged to him. I started to think more about my marriage and less about my studies. My grades were sinking and I didn't care much about them.
In the middle of my junior year, when my parents couldn't come up with any money at all, I decided to let go of my studies. I thought I will get married and relieve their burden. Maybe it was just a way of escaping. I returned to Jeddah and got married. I had a son in the following year of my marriage.
Slowly, after marriage, I started realizing things that I did to my life. My husband's family is quiet educated, and they keep insisting on me finishing my degree. I tried working at a couple of places after I had a son just to prove to my in-laws that even if I don't have a degree, I am capable of working.
Because I live in Saudi Arabia, I don't have many options to work especially being an expatriate. The only job I came up with was teaching at school. I wasn't very satisfied with teaching since its just not in me. I left the job and now I am home. I am under extreme depression, and it feels like I am about to break down any time.
There are number of things that keep haunting me each and every second of my life.
#1 When I knew that my parents would not be able to afford my studies in the U.S., why did I force them?
#2. Why wasn't I sincere enough to study well after going to the U.S.?
#3 Why did I fall in love with someone in the middle of my studies?
#4. Why did I get married leaving my studies ?
#5. WHY DIDN'T I FINISH MY DEGREE?
I am totally in a big mess right now. I feel like my whole life is ruined and this is all because I was not a good follower of Islam. I always took Islam for granted. Never cared much to pray sincerely. Since I was brought up in an environment where we would perform 'Umrah and 'Ziyarat' quiet often, I considered it just a formality to fulfill my parents wishes. Even after returning to Saudi Arabia, I did not pay attention to Islam.
After Satan took over my life and destroyed everything, I am realizing how many wrongs I have done.
I am not having a very happy life with my husband. We keep fighting and keep finding faults in each other every now and then. I feel like I am not a very good human being, I am looking after my son just for the sake of it. I did not even give my parents the pleasure of calling me a qualified and educated daughter. I don't have any friends with whom I can share my feelings and my husband doesn't understand even if I try to talk to him. He thinks since I don't have anything to do, I think about such things. He asks me to find something to keep myself busy to not think too much. I don't know what that "something" is.
I am not happy with myself and go under bouts of depression almost every day. My past is haunting me and now I have no options left. I cant complete my degree, and I can't even work at a place that I enjoy. I am not qualified to take any other jobs either. I have gained so much weight that I hate to look at myself in the mirror. Every time I try to recite Qur'an and pray for some mental peace, I take it for granted. Its like I have so many unreached goals in my life that i don't know where to start from and what to do to get rid of them. Sometimes i feel like giving up and just run away but don't know where.
I know the ultimate goal is every Muslim's life is Islam but how do I start and cope with this world at the same time? Please help me find a solution to lead a healthy and happy life in the right path of Islam. I want to be out of this hole I have dug for myself where I am going more deeper inside with every passing day. Will Allah make all the wrongs right for me??? Will Allah forgive me??? Regards, Sister in Islam...
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| Date | 12/Nov/2009 |
| Name of Counsellor |
Dr Malek Yamani |
| Topic | Marital Obstacles, Self development, Gender Issues |
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As salamu 'alaykum Dear Sister...
Thank you for sharing, sincerely, your story. Rest assured that you are not alone and that unfortunately many brothers and sisters are living the same experience as yours.
First, Allah is all forgiving. In a ahadith, Allah says to those among who get lost for different reasons: "Oh! my servant, if you run away from Us, We will still wait for your return. And when you return, we will accept you and bring you closer to US."
Al hamdu Lillah, you are a very young lady, and you still have opportunities ahead of you to reconcile with Allah, with yourself and with your husband and family. When you have a chance, please go and read Mohammed Iqbal's poems on "Shakwa" and "Jawab Shakwa". There you will find many answers.
Now, about two years ago, I listened to an interview with a woman in the US. She was 18 when she got married. Soon, she had four children as a result, she dropped out of school and took care of her children with the promise that she will go back again. Her children grew up and got married and had children. At the age of 56, she decided to go back to school and studied medicine. She was accepted to Harvard University and graduated wit a medical degree.
You can do the same and more if you will....
For further guidance, pleqse try the following lin(k):
Communication Between Husband & Wife
On Tawakkul (Resolute Trust and Reliance on Allah)...
Spiritual Detoxification Tool Box
Baby Steps to a Better Life
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