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Last Update: 10:51 GMT, Wednesday, Nov. 25, 2009 |
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Family
> Cyber Counselor
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Name of Questioner
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Fedwa
- Palestine |
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Title
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Qays and Layla - Love or Obsession?
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Question
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As salamu 'alaykum...
I wanted to ask a question on an Islamic story that I hear often, and I now see scholars actually referring to it in a positive light. It is the story of Qays who was majnun Layla or crazy about Layla. Some scholars mention this as a story of love, but I don't like the story. I always found this story, to be a story about obsession and infatuation and less about love. True love is about knowing the one you love and not possessing him/her with your feelings and emotions. I wanted to ask if the counselors can touch base on this. Personally, I would never want a man to have these feelings for me.
I had an experience where someone just loved me, and my feelings were, please don't love me, just go away. I did not feel loved at all, but held hostage to someone's feelings, which did not allow me to breathe. I prefer the love that recognizes the boundaries of both the lover and the loved. Didn't Prophet Muhammad, upon him peace, love Aisha, yet when he tried to resolve his wives' disappointment with their livelihood, he gave them the opportunity to divorce with a Gift? Our Prophet, peace be upon him was not majnun about Aisha.
And we read of Moses, peace be upon him, and how he stood dignied to the side after helping Prophet Shuaib's, daughters. He was not majnun either, but sought help from God and remained dignified respecting the boundaries of himself and a woman which one speculates he desired to marry.
Even our love for Allah, subhanna wa T'Ala, can really only be true, when we recognize who we are, our boundaries as people who are weak and in utter need of Him, and He has no needs. When we just love God, such that we cannot distinguish those boundaries, and we end up trying to capture God with our feelings, instead of seeking to please Him.
People have this view that I am too logical and unromantic when I mention these things and it is true, I am not a big fan of romance. I believe love is pure and selfless. A true lover is more obsessed with knowing, pleasing and being seen by the one he/she loves than being in a state of "in love" or majnun whoever. I also have relatives who are majnun this and that person, but overtime I have found that these people when trials hit go to the other extreme of vindictiveness. And we hear of cases where people are so majnun, that they will threaten to kill the person that they love if they want to leave. What is your take on the Qays and Majnun Layla story? What do you think? Am I just too logical?
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| Date | 11/Nov/2009 |
| Name of Counsellor |
Dr Malek Yamani |
| Topic | Self development |
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As salamu 'alaykum Dear Fedwa,
We thank you for this wonderful question. As for you, I would suggest that you use the adjective balanced to describe yourself instead of logical.
Now, regarding majnun Laila or Qays, we don't think that a mainstream respected scholar would take or quote this story as symbol for love.
Islamically speaking, this story has no place, and is a symbol of an unlawful relationship that Allah and His messanger, may peace be upon him, advised us to stay away from or try to emulate..This story shows a lack of responsibility, accountability and dignity.
What is interesting is that most of those who mention majnun and Layla have no idea about the true essence of this story.
We find few great Sufi scholars such as Ibn Arabi speaking about it. However, even with this great scholar one needs to be careful for any scholar may make mistakes.Only Allah and His Prophet are immune from such a type of mistakes..
So, in summary, when someone narrates to you the story of Qays and Layla please ask them, first, what they know about it, and ask this question: would you like your sister or daughter to be involved in such a relationship?
So, to answer your last question, you have a blanced view on how a relationship from an Islamic point of view should be and that is, in a healthy relationship, there is no master and slave.
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