 |
|
|
|
|
Last Update: 02:14 GMT, Sunday, Nov. 29, 2009 |
|
|
Family
> Cyber Counselor
|
|
|
 |
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
Name of Questioner
|
Inner Peace
- Egypt |
|
Title
|
Internet Relations to Marital Relations
|
|
Question
|
As salamu 'alaykum...
I am currently living in Australia and I have had a few experiences of talking to people from the opposite sex over the Internet. I have found someone in Saudi who I believe to be a suitable partner for me. He has contacted my father, but my father has refused for the situation to go any further because it was ME that contacted him online. My father tells me that I need to wait for that person to come. I cannot deny I wish to feel loved, but at the same time I want to have this relationship to please Allah (SWT).
My parents are telling me what I did was wrong, but I cannot be convinced. My father is currently very upset with me, as there was recently another guy I responded to on facebook who turned out to be quite obssessive. These two events have resulted in mum and dad seeing me as a completely different person. I have apologised. But what I have done, is it really wrong?
What can I do to regain their trust, and if this thing with this man isn't so wrong or haram (which I'm unsure about,. my friends say its fine, but I need another opinion), what can I do to convince them? I just think I'm going to give up... but I really do have feelings for him.
At the same time I hate how my parents see me now.
They tell me that I'm not the girl they knew . Im hurting. Am I really that bad? I aways talk to these people with the utmost respect and fear of Allah (SWT).
Jazakum Allah khyirun for reading my babbling, but I need the opinion of someone who understands.
Salam
|
| Date | 02/Nov/2009 |
| Name of Counsellor |
Dr Aneesah Nadir |
| Topic | Want to get married |
|
|
|
|
|
Dear Inner Peace,
I am sorry to hear about your suffering. We are all human beings. We make mistakes and sometimes we err in our judgments. I don’t know you but I don’t see you as bad, rather as having made some judgments that may not have been the best.
Lots of Muslims and people of other faiths are using the Internet to explore marriage possibilities. There are many matrimonial sites. It seems that your parents preferred you had taken a different course to meet your future husband. I would suspect they, like many parents, are afraid for you, and are afraid the person you meet on the Internet will not have your best interest at heart.
They are likely upset because they thought they conveyed to you their beliefs about this, and thought you would follow their guidance and wishes and when you didn’t they were disappointed in your actions.
As parents, our children sometimes do things that disappoint us, but with prayer for forgiveness to Allah and asking your parents to forgive you and giving them time. Insha-Allah your relationship will be restored.
Now as for whether it is best to entertain a relationship by Internet. I don’t recommend Internet relationships because people are not always who they seem to be on the Internet, and there is so much you need to know about the person you plan to marry.
If two people meet by Internet it is very important that the parents are involved right away. You say the man wants to meet your father but your father does not want to meet him.
It is a good sign he wants to meet your father but your father is strong in his view.
I would say that unless your father is willing to see how important this is to you and you cannot find someone to convenience your father it would be better to end this relationship.
Remember that if it is meant for you to marry, nothing can prevent the two of you from marrying, if not now, perhaps in the future. However you always want your parents' approval. Newlyweds need a lot of family support.
Take time apart from the young man. Heed your parents' wishes. Be patient. Give it time. Either Allah will bring you together in the good or He will bless you with someone better.
Insha-Allah your relationship with your parents will be healed and Allah will grant you who's best for you in this life and the next.
For further guidance, please try the following link(s):
Getting Married!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
| Contact Family
|
|
|
|
IslamOnline.net is not responsible for the content of external linked Web sites.
|
|
|
|
|
