It is a shame that societies today see sexuality as a public affair, and as an is expression of liberty and freedom between genders. This alone has contributed to what is called the ‘sexualisation of society’, which in turn leads to an erosion of what the limits are in how we lead our daily lives. It has contributed towards a major hypocrisy between what is considered ‘allowable’, and what is in fact criminal. Young people like your cousin (who although he was a child, was still much older than you) are prone to make certain discoveries because society has made it permissible, especially for boys. The result is that mainly young girls are,

Have been compromised physically, emotionally, and psychologically at an age when they are not able to discern what is acceptable, or process complex experiences.

When you were sexually abused, you had no idea what was going on, however the experience remained until you did understand, so it is like living the experience all over again, and again, and again. This of course is reinforced by the fact that the offending cousin years later is very much a part of your life.

You have come to understand what happened at a time when you are able to judge what is acceptable, but this negates the fact that you did not understand at the time that it was not. Your whole self perception has been turned upside down, and therefore your relationship with your parents has been too. However, it cannot be stressed enough that you were not responsible, that it was not your fault, you are not unclean, and that you had no idea.

To cause harm of any kind Islamically speaking, is abhorrent. It is only natural that the unexpressed built-up emotions over the years have gotten to you, and this is mainly because you have not been able to process the experience in your mind. Because of this, it is imperative that you do seek therapy in order that you may be released from that past, and to be free to the present. Until you receive therapy, you will remain in fear of men, which might affect your marriage (regardless of whether marriage is with the person you are engaged to now, or someone else).

It is good that you are only engaged, and not on the verge of getting married, so that you can use this time to receive therapy. It may be that CBT is not the best form of therapy for you, so try to explore what form of therapy is. It may simply be that you need to express what happened, and this can be done by writing it all down, and then burning it as a psychological process of letting go. However, given the impact the abuse has had on your own self perception, it is recommended that you do indeed seek therapy with a reputable person, who you feel comfortable with. The process should nurture your ability to feel comfortable within your own body with respect. You will learn that your body is not an object for the soul pleasure of men, and that you can say “No” to what you find unacceptable. If in the process you find that you do not want to continue with the engagement, then you should say so. When you have learnt to respect, and give to yourself, then you are ready to respect and give to another, and that includes not just within marriage, but also with your parents insha-Allah.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is a range of therapies, which can be a profound life changing experience, for those who are in need of changing their patterns of thinking, problem solving, or those who are in need of changing their negative pattern of thinking in order to affect change in their emotional-psychological-social behavior. By taking on this form of therapy in your case, there is an assumption from the start by the very nature of the method that there is something wrong with your pattern of thinking, which is the source of the problem itself. However, promising this therapy may sound for you, and in general it is very effective in situations other than child sexual abuse, eventually there will be an inner conflict between the you who knows the incident was not your fault, and the you which is ready to accept any solution. The process of healing is an important one, especially if one is not to develop patterns of illness within one’s DNA, known as miasms, which can later develop into genetic born illnesses, like many of the 20^th century diseases of today. One of the main factors in the healing process is the preservation of the family unit, because only the healthy family unit can help balance all aspects of the self.

Often times, it has proven that body-oriented therapy to be more appropriate for victims of child sexual abuse, because the mind is not in the brain as popular belief would have it, but is in the whole body. Through body-oriented therapy, the victim is able to address all issues on a physiological, mind-body, gender, and emotional level.

There are a range of natural remedies that can assist you through the process in classical homeopathy, but there is only one remedy that is specific to you. This will help you to heal on all levels from the level of causation to the level of manifestation. Because of this, if you are adverse to anti-depressants or the recommended therapy by your doctor, classical homeopathy is suggested here. However, bear in mind that processing the abuse and the impact on your life, is recommended because it will enable you to correct your self perception, empower you, and help you to acknowledge and accept that you are a worthy human being insha-Allah.

May you see the dawn after the darkness, insha-Allah.

In Allah’s Grace go ye!

For further guidance, please try the following link(s):
Suffering from Emotional & Physical Abuse?