I have been involved with a muslim girl over the Internet for awhile. I'd say almost about 2 years.

It was she who started to email me and everything, I didn't really feel comfortable. After we talked casually about school, career and stuff, she confessed she "loves me a lot" and asked me if I felt the same. I didn't know what to do. I agreed and said, "Yeah I feel the same," however I didn't. I didn't like how this was going, but I never said anything about it. She continued with her constant emails, and then we chatted over the Messenger.

During the talk with her, I was having other emotional stress -- at home and etc. I talked to her because it sort of made me feel as if I belonged somewhere - someone cares, though I failed to think that it is Allah (SWT) who provideD this if  i had prayed on time.

One night her parents caught her chatting with a boy , me, and told her to stop and to never do it again. I told her, just listen to them. However, she didn't, and said it's fine; we can just email each other... and we "want to get married so its okay".

She is well versed Islamically (or so I thought). I assumed maybe it is OK, whatever she saysmust be OK. She goes to the masjid etc. I said things to her such as "I love you" when I didn't really. I didn't know what to feel, I just kept going with the flow. We said these three words to each other a lot, emphasized it and etc. She always said we aren't flirting or anything, and I doubted but continued. We also discussed things we have in common and talked about Islam more than ever.

So this continued for another year, then she was caught again by her parents. This time it was serious and I told her maybe we should stop, but she said she loves me more than anything and I'm her world. I repeated that to her, I wasn't thinking properly! I had no idea what I was doing. Then we started to talk more intimately and I reminded her...I don't know if this is okay, but to her we aren't doing anything, just talking. Again I agreed with her. So she emailed me a lot from other places since she wasn't allowed to at home . Then the conversation took to the phone, and we talked normally there. But I felt guilty a lot, I felt sad about it, but happy at the same time. Our desires got out of hand -- we discussed topics on sexuality more - after a while, I was comfortable with it.

Now two years later, as I try to distance myself from her slowly. I was feeling very guilty about it, and she didn't.. I didn't understand it because this is the first Muslim girl I have talked to and gone this far! I researched and there were many cases similar to mine! Most of them were about the guy playing with the girl. I felt horrible!! Disgusted, I emailed her and told her we should stop, but she kept saying, I am hers forever, and we will get married. I told her, I can't financially support her, this is wrong I don't like it. But somehow she emotionally made me feel sad, and I just didn't have the guts to tell her I don't love her or anything . I was scared what if she might do something bad. Then again, she was caught emailing, and her punishment by her parents increased. I felt bad , beyond it. I prayed and made du'aa to Allah (SWT) to help me. 

i want this to stop, i want to repent. Now her parents were sending her abroad for studies, I was relieved, and sad at the same time. The attachment we had for this long, hurt, but it was for better. I stopped replying to her. I made dua to allah swt to forgive me and I don't ever want to do this. But, I felt guilty a lot. She wanted to run away from her parents house! I disagreed with that so much! She kept stressing , our love is strong, and we should be together. I don't know much about wali (guardian, but her dad is right that what we did, and how I continued to talk to her wasn't Islamically right! When she argued her dad isn't doing his Islamic duty! I told her, but nonetheless it got worse. I got to the point where I had to stop it. I stoppped replying ,and just ended it all. I made du'aa to Allah (SWT) to help me and her. Make her stop from doing this and forgive our sins!

And I fear and feel so guilty its bugging me. I don't know what to do. I am making tons of du'aa so that He can forgive me, doing sincere repentance for it.

I am worried what if her father comes to my house or calls? How will I explain to my parents? I don't know... and I am feeling scared because I just want this to stop. I made a mistake, I know it and  I am trying to repent for it. What we did is wrong and haram. And so I am just scared. Will Allah (SWT) forgive me?

Will I be able to marry a pious sister in the future when i am ready? Will i be punished by having a bad spouse in the future? This bugs me a lot, I prayed  heavily throughoutRamadan. I have been reciting Surah Yasin, and asking Allah (SWT) to forgive me. However, I am just scared, I don't want to be punished by having a bad wife or something.

I am doing whatever I can to repent, I give sadaqa (charity) as well. I go to the masjid as much asI can when I have time! I am doing everything I can. I always forgive people for their mistakes, and how they treated me. But i am just worried.

Please help me, I am doing my best to become as pious as I can!