As salamu ‘alaykum wa rahmatllahi wa barakatuh Brother…

Mabruk (congratulations) – on your wedding – this is really good news bi idh nillah (by His permission), and that Allah has sent for you the bride you hoped for -- even dreamed of. Al hamdu Lillah  it is truly an even greater blessing! I say that so enthusiastically because that’s the main thing you should be focusing on right now – not past events or the present guest list!

Brother bless you, yours will not be the only wedding with ‘unwanted guests’ – this problem is an inherent part of weddings – for whatever reason. Why not make it a blessed event by being generous in your invitation. Allah (SWT)  tells us ‘good brings good’  and either immediately or later you will see the benefit of your actions  bi idh nillah.

{On the day (of judgment) when every soul will be confronted with whatever good it has done- as for its evil deeds it will wish they were a long way off. Allah cautions you to be aware of Him. Allah is full of kindness towards His devotees.” ( A’le Imran, 3:30).

Insha-Allah why not try and emulate this quality of kindness instead, and demonstrate to your guests the iman (faith that your fiancée so happily saw in you when she accepted the proposal? Psychologically bi idh nillah kindness in place of bad puts you in a much stronger position than feeling angry or returning the bad feeling, and you personally will feel less stressed on your important day. Research tells us there are pathways in the brain that are activated when people are positive, and are reinforced each time they are positive so physiologically – the brain chooses being positive – insha-Allah you should too. Also, if your father is angry with you because of your choices, why not seize the opportunity to make him proud of your iman instead? We talk of living by the deen (Islamic life transaction)  – here is your chance insha-Allah. (It may be difficult and insha-Allah Allah will reward you for that effort – but remember the commitment to anything is in the sting!)

I do not in any way mean to trivialize your past distress, but the only reason the day will be spoilt by the ‘unwanted guests’ will be because you allow it to do so. I am not saying what they said was not hurtful, l but you seem to be forgetting that it turned out not to be true. So there is no need to hold on to the anger, because it seems that Allah has rewarded you for your sabr (patience) with this good fortune. There is no benefit in remaining angry and it clearly has not prevented any further comments or  additional negativity so there is clearly no benefit – only distress to you; This is exactly what anger does – it stagnates the person with the problem preventing them from moving on unless it is channeled constructively as you now have the chance to. Indeed there is no need for you even to respond to their earlier comments as Allah al Karim Himself has responded on your behalf by this match. So as a sign of gratitude for your beautiful bride – why not be big hearted and welcome them. This displays gratefulness to your Lord, and those friends will know about your  good fortune and Allah (SWT)  silences people in His own way. Subhan-Allah His response is truly the most graceful, and better than any response you could give. Silence at this time is more honorable and noble. Let Him do the responding for you and just enjoy your wedding, and realize how Allah has blessed you far above what others expected for you. Let your past anger go and begin with a more positive start to your marriage bi idh nillah.

Now is the time for you to show that you can forgive them, and as you forgive others, so Allah (SWT) tells us He will forgive you. Allah knows the pain you have suffered, and those who hurt you for so long will not go unquestioned. Of course they may have escaped your accounting but the accounting of  Him will not be an easy one. Either way your experience is a testament to the fact that their words had no ‘actual’ effect at all, and should be a reminder to you in the future that their words had no power at all. The effect they had on your life was what you yourself allowed. It is important to remember that whenever people say anything negative to you -  their words do not become a reality unless we allow them to be by our reaction.

You are not responsible for their reaction – only for your own. As Allah (SWT) advised Prophet Muhammed (SAW),

{O Prophet! You are not responsible for their guidance. It is Allah who guides whom He pleases}( Al Baqarah 2: 272)

Insha-Allah think about these ayat (Qur’anic verses) and challenges whenever you feel concerned about your unwanted guests but most of all  - make the day about  your wedding, your bride and insha-Allah a bright and blessed future not about past distress. Make du’aa’, and give thanks throughout the day  and make an active decision to enjoy it bi idh nillah.

May Allah bring between you both, the very best of love, mercy and peace as He promises.

Salams and du’aa’s

For further guidance, please try the following link(s):
How Should a Muslim Marrriage and Reception Be?
One Day or the Rest of Our Lives?
Between Sunnah and Tradition