This can be very stressful times for the youth with schools becoming more like exam factories, and the question of employment is on the horizon in an economic recession. In fact, with recent reports, youth in general, and Muslim youth in Britain in particular are going through extremely stressful times and are riddled with self doubt. All of this can seem quite a burden, with the additional pressure of employment attitudes to young black men.

The Caribbean family has a long history in the U.K. of trials and challenges. I wonder if your parents have told you about their experiences – it might help. It is because of this history, of always being viewed as ‘not good enough’ (racism), why Caribbean families put pressure above normal on their children. You said you are the only one to pass, have you asked yourself why your siblings have not passed. There is a low expectation that has not dwindled with time with the British educational establishment towards children of Caribbean origin in general. Some teachers have made great strides, but still the personal prejudices do exist. No actual investment is made in the teaching of Caribbean children, and this comes across to the Caribbean child. This subtle type of racism is in fact more damaging, and increases the feeling of not being capable so why bother. What we need to understand about racism, is that it has two main origins:

1. To overpower (traditionally and even until today to overpower the people who have resources desired by the racist. If you take  look at most developing, and underdeveloped countries, not through the eyes of the media, and then take a look at these countries through the media, you will see what how people are labeled, and that labeling serves to disempowered them so that the ‘takers’ can take on their terms).
2. Over time, the belief that someone is less because of their ethnicity, religion etc., becomes a part of the belief of a people who have been used to seeing life on their terms. They do not necessarily know why they feel they way they do, but they do, because of fear of the unknown. All they know is what they have been taught. It is so easily done by the parents, when as a black person you are in the presence of their children, and you see how the children react to you. Unless that child has an alternative experience, they will grow up believing what they have been so wrongly told.

The above is not to make you feel more depressed, but sometimes we need to understand the influences at play so that we can make sense of it, otherwise we become victims to it.

Having said that, you said in the last two years you have not been doing so well. In general, it is hard for young people to be sat down behind a desk in front of a black/white board, when life is going on outside. However, it might be worth asking yourself why the last two years. After all, the effort we put into our education, is it surprising to know that it only accounts for 20% of how well we do in our lives, and in our careers! And why do you think that is? This is because it has one fundamental missing ingredient, ‘experience’. Experience is our primary mode of learning, and how we translate knowledge into our active lives, and is essential in the role of becoming not only more productive with our lives, but better human beings. As it is said in Islam, Knowledge is action.

Now, what has happened to change the level of success you have been used to. We are human beings, and at different times in our lives we have different needs, so just spend some time looking back, and see if you can come up with an honest answer.

The obvious here is the pressure that your parents and your family in general have been placing on you. I have seen perfect students with top grades have nervous breakdowns, because of the continued performance that is expected by the parents. The expectation can be so great, that the child is prevented from any social, or creative pleasures. If this is the case with you, you might want to look at the activities you could enjoy in a halal way, and make a case with your parents that you need a hobby to help you enjoy your studies more, insha-Allah. Besides it is well proven, scientifically speaking, that hobbies, and developing new skills increases cognition, because by doing so you are:

• Relaxed, and therefore more open to learning

• Opening up new neural pathways that increases the flow of information to the learning faculty of the brain, which is a good way of maintaining good mental health in the long term

Self doubt is a killer, and it can cripple your life for a long time. If you can separate the reason for your family expectations from you, this will help greatly. If you can tell yourself this is what they expect because of history, or because of your siblings, this can go a long way to relieve the burden. Al hamdu Lillah you are conscientious about your family, and this is important as a Muslim, however, as a young person right now in your life, you need to have some pleasures. By doing the halal things that give you pleasure, you will be better balanced as a person, and you will need to spend less time studying, because the time spent will be qualitative.

If you could sit down and put pen to paper, then write down what you would like to do by the end of the year, and in a separate list write down what you need to do, Next step, give draw up a monthly plan with steps towards each goal, then at the end of the year review those goals. We all make slips ups, and make mistakes, and you can build that into the next stage of your plan as a step to be mindful of. This will, insha-Allah help keep you on track with yourself, your family, and Allah (SWT). The main thing is to not get depressed, because this robs you of any initiative. What your family expects of you is just that, but you still have to be motivated about your life for they can no live it for you. Just know that your family is doing the best that they can do with what they have, and that with a little help from you on the basis of gaining wider understanding, they can be your support rather than a burden insha-Allah. Besides you will need this thinking when it comes to applying for jobs and attending interviews, it can go a long way in terms of establishing what interests you genuinely, and getting and keeping that job you are looking for, insha-Allah.

Everyone you face has a struggle of their own!

For further guidance please try the following link(s):
Developing Spiritual Intelligence Among Young Muslims
Summer Like Youth Doesn’t Last Forever!
The 5 P’s of Productivity
Empower Yourself, Not Your Circumstances
Fulfilling Our Individual Life Purposes
A Personal Education Program Called Life