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Last Update: 04:01 GMT, Sunday, Dec. 06, 2009 |
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Family
> Cyber Counselor
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Name of Questioner
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Muhammad
- Nigeria |
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Title
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We Are the Natural Born Leaders
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Question
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As salamu alaykum...
It is known that men are naturally leaders and stronger than women and it is their responsibility to lead and protect their family- The Qur'an affirms this. What would you say of some men who are naturally weak and poor leaders?
Should such men marry at all, can they marry?
This case applies to me. I am very weak and very poor in leadership. I can't stand up to protect my right, i remain cheated most times. I will feel angry but cant speak out and stand firm for my right. I see myself helpless and most times I burst into tears in such situations. I can't shout or yell out. In general, I see myself so weak, soft and more like a feminine. I am also somehow passive and lack initiative. Am an introvert and have poor social relation with people. Am also quite, gentle and cant talk much. I can't hold a smooth spontaneous conversation. Most times my head is empty and I don't know what to say- I think I have ALOGIA. I am boring and a lot of the time I run away from people because I feel embarassed when I am not able to converse smoothly. I dont have much aspirations and goals in life.
I have started thinking of marriage and some months ago a very good religious sister was recommended for me. We set out to know each other and after two months when this sister got to know more about me, she had no interest and feelings towards me due to my weak nature, poor leadership quality and my personality. Now I have come to understand that women want strong, brave and real men who can lead, protect them and whom they will be proud of.
With my condition and especially since it is NATURAL with little or no changes (improvement) possible, i dont think any responsible sister will like me. Does this mean I am not capable of marrying? Please advice especially with respect to my weak nature, personality and leadership from Islamic point of view.
Remain blessed.
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| Date | 08/Jul/2009 |
| Name of Counsellor |
Karima Burns |
| Topic | Want to get married, Self development |
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Women and men have the same problem in this area. Although there are four temperaments in human nature, there is only one temperament that is considered "acceptable" for each gender. (For more in depth information about Islam and The Temperaments you can search for my articles on Islamonline that talk about this.
Of course, this does not make any logical sense. If all men "must be" of the melancholic/choleric temperament combination and all women must be of the phlegmatic temperament what happens to the other 6 temperament/gender combinations? It is quite clear in the Qur'an that we are all intended to get married - not just a small portion of the 'Ummah.
In your situation, it sounds like you are more of the phlegmatic (water) type of temperament. This temperament is sometimes defined as being "weak in nature and personality" and "lacking in leadership skills". However, in reality, people of this temperament are not lacking anything - they are perfect the way they are. People of the phlegmatic type are peaceful people and pleasant to be around. They will not "talk your ear off" or offend easily. They are often very polite and do not make decisions quickly, like leaders, but more carefully, like wise-men. There are many positive qualities in the phlegmatic temperament.
You may find the best match with someone who is like you so they understand an appreciate you more. However, it is also possible that you may find a match with a very melancholic/choleric woman who appreciates you for the peace you allow her to feel when she is with you.
When you come to appreciate the many gifts you have to bring into a relationship, then you will be able to display and offer these gifts more readily and you will find women more responsive.
Insha-Allah this is helpful.
For further guidance, please try the following link(s):
Getting Married!
From Childhood To Manhood.
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