This is a difficult question to answer exactly, as one person’s definition of “vain and idle talk” may be different from another’s. What really matters is the intention of the person. In one example a person may share with another their joy at receiving a good grade at school. They may feel very happy that they managed to finish all the work, they may have been scared they would not pass the test, and they want to share their joy and relief with a friend. In another case a person may simply want to share their high test score so that everyone will compliment them and they may appear better than those around them. Are both vain? Would you be able to tell the difference between one and the other? Not always. Sometimes it is difficult to tell the difference even if one thinks they know the reasons behind someone else’s speech or action, it is really impossible to know. So, as far as others it is impossible to judge if they are engaging in vain or idle talk. The best thing to do with your friends and family is to assume the best in all of them and treat each statement as if it came from the best intentions. You may think you already do that, but most people are surprised at how much they judge their family and friends.
If you make a commitment to yourself to only assume the best in people for one week you will be surprised at how hard it is. You will also be surprised at how much better your relationships will be.
With yourself, it is an easy task, because you know yourself well and you have the power to control what you say and do. Here are some tips:
There is a difference between idle talk and social custom. Social custom and connection have a big role in Islam. There are many commands to perform social activities in Islam such as group prayer. Some of the great scholars of Islam have affirmed and emphasized Islam's social dimension. In fact, it is the importance given to the society in Islam is what separates it from other religions. Other religions concentrate mostly on the individual – on individual spirituality and beliefs – while Islam concentrates on the society. This being said, you need to recognize when some “idle talk” is part of social custom. For example, in some cultures people always ask, “How are you?” and the person is supposed to reply “I am fine. How are you?” and this can continue for a few moments. If this is part of a cultural expectation it is not “idle talk”.
2. If you are concerned about idle talk as gossip, then that is very easy to avoid. Simply state your policy to friends, “Sorry. I can only talk about someone who is in the room with us.” Absolutely refuse to talk about someone who is not there. I’ve done that for years and it works wonders. You are not saying “no, I don’t want to talk about this.” You are accepting their invitation to speak, and yet you are saying you would rather do it with everyone present. I have found that sometimes this even results in the person actually being invited into the conversation and issues becoming resolved.
3. Listening is always better than talking.
4. Speak when spoken to when possible and appropriate. It is very tempting to jump in someone else’s conversation or to offer advice when it was not asked for. Resist the temptation to do this.
5. Only answer questions that were asked. Many times we are tempted to give a lot of information about ourselves and talk a lot. However, you need only answer questions about yourself that a person asked. If they didn’t ask you don’t need to offer the information.
6. Focus your conversations and statements in a loving way. If what you are going to say does not contain a loving message then it may not be something you need to say at all.
Insha-Allah this is helpful.
N.B: I did not understand the last part of the question. Is it related to the first part or is it a different question? Did you want to know about time management, and if so, in what way; and in what part of your life? Could you be more specific and provide some information on how you manage time now?
Blessings & Health…
For further guidance, please try the following link(s):
My Parents, My Religion, My Heart
Mother-In-Law’s Tongue
Among Like-Minded Backbiting People
Enjoying the Faults of Others
Islamic Counseling and Its Ethics !
