Salam, Questioner.

I greet you with the Muslim greeting of peace. Many thanks for your question and for the honesty with which you describe your current situation. The fact that you are addressing your concerns with both an "enquiring, intellectual rigor"  and an open heart reveals just how sincere you are in finding the answer to your question.

The English dictionary writer, Dr. Samuel Johnson, found it difficult to write an entry describing an elephant. He simply wrote that "it is difficult to describe one, but you will know one when you see one." Without being at all flippant, I think this is how you will know when your quest is over.

People of faith believe that God speaks to them in many different ways. Some people are drawn to Him through science, others through the beauty of nature, while others still find Him in places and events.

In my own case, Allah Almighty drew me to Islam not through listening to a great speech, or through reading books or even by reading the Quran.

My first introduction to Islam came through the simple greeting of a young boy cleaning shoes in the street. The simplicity and the honesty of his faith really touched my heart and set me upon a journey which eventually led me to embrace Islam.

As a speaker now about Islam all over the world, I often tell my audiences that this young boy will be in for a surprise when he meets his Maker. As well as having the good and the bad deeds of his life read out on Judgement Day, he will also learn that his kind greeting was the catalyst that has now brought many to Islam. Without his initial as-salamu alaykum, I would not be writing this answer for you today.

So, for all people, it is different. There is no doubt that many have embraced Islam to marry the one they love, perhaps coming to understand its real message and meaning only some time after their declaration of the Shahadah (the words by which we declare our acceptance of Islam).

I must tell you very clearly, though, that we accept Islam because we believe its message, not to please someone else, no matter how much we might love them. I am sure that you understand this.

Sometimes, people do declare the Shahadah for this reason, only to fall back and turn away from their new faith. It seems to me, though, that your seriousness in finding the right path will help you to avoid such a pitfall.

To put it quite bluntly, you might even find that in accepting Islam your love for this person falls away, and that it was Allah Almighty's way of drawing you to Himself.

Only a few days ago I witnessed a new brother's acceptance of Islam in New York. The circumstances were very unusual, but then it is not every day that the Maker of the Heavens and the Earth intervenes in someone's life and calls them to be Muslim.

This man contacted me via the Internet, leaving the message that if I was still in New York, could I please call him to discuss his conversion to Islam. I called him, but there did not seem time enough for us to meet, so I promised to put him in touch with some good Muslims in New York with whom he could talk. We then said our goodbyes and put down the phone.

After I had done so I began to think. Could it be, I asked myself, that Allah had brought me thousands of miles to the USA so that this man could accept Islam? I called him back, and he told me how pleased he was that I had done so. We made arrangements to meet in the mosque where I was to deliver the Friday sermon, where we spoke for about half an hour.

When the Friday Prayers were over he accepted Islam in front of the Congregation.

How will you know, you ask. Will it be when you feel it in your heart or your head? That is the part I cannot answer. But you will indeed know for sure when the time is right.

I don't know quite what steps you have taken to look into Islam. Talking and reading are certainly helpful, but they are not going to convince or persuade you because that is not how people come to Islam. They are not persuaded.

They come because they feel called, so I have two small suggestions to make to you. Perhaps you have not thought of doing either.

The first suggestion is that you visit a mosque on your own. No one will challenge you. Just go in and sit quietly on the floor and allow the atmosphere of the place to speak to you.

Ask all your questions there in the silence of your own heart. Ask your questions directly to God. If you feel no reply, don't despair. He has a way of answering our questions when we least expect an answer.

Another suggestion is something that can be done in the privacy of your own home. If this whole question is important enough to you, set your alarm clock and get up in the last third of the night — around 4 am or so. Almighty Allah tells us that at this time of the night He descends to the lowest of the seven heavens and actively seeks out those who want to speak to Him.

Take a shower or a wash and just sit quietly in the silence and the darkness, once more asking the Maker of the heavens and the earth and everything in between to listen to your cry. The Quran tells us that Allah knows every leaf that falls from every tree, so He will surely know what is troubling you.

If you come from a non-religious, atheist background, both of these suggestions will be outside your own experience. If you are normally used to being in control, they will seem strange to you, precisely since they are quite outside your experience.

If Allah wills it to be so, He will help you to resolve this question which is giving you so much cause for concern. I, too, hope that you will find an answer.

I hope that this has been of some help. Please keep in touch.

Peace.

Useful Links:

Answering Atheists Concerning God

Atheists & Heaven

Between Atheism and Monotheism

Calling Atheists to Islam

After Conversion: Approaching My Atheist Mother