May He bestow His peace and blessings on His messenger, Muhammad, his family, Companions, and all of those who follow them sincerely.

As salamu ‘alaykum…

Thank you for your question, brother. I deeply respect your honesty in posing your question.

First off, I think it’s important that we understand some important definitions. What makes someone a hetero- or homosexual is not identity. In Islam, the sin of homosexuality is the actual sexual act. There is no such thing as a sin of identification, or, because you think you are a sinner, then you are one. Even thoughts alone are not deemed as sins until acted upon. So when you say that you have never actually engaged in homosexual acts, nor plan to, I’m not quite sure what you mean when you say you are gay. Just because in your mind you are convinced of such a thing does not make you that thing. The sin is the act of engaging in sexual relations with another man. Until that occurs, then from my understanding you are not engaged in sinful behavior. In fact, the fact that you are convinced you are gay, but have not acted on those beliefs is commendable.

It is a bit strange to me, however, how you can be so convinced of being gay, but yet at the same time be so convinced that you will not ever commit a homosexual act! It is an interesting perspective indeed, and perhaps you should elaborate more. In fact, if you have – as you say sexual needs – that are homosexual, but refuse to act on them and, rather, choose to live your life in celibacy and take care of your parents, I would say that you are actually one incredibly pious individual, assuming of course you refuse to act on your homosexual impulses out of fear of Allah. That would be a remarkable sacrifice for the sake of Allah and worthy of tremendous reward, assuming of course, you are fulfilling all of your other requirements under Islam. Being aware of your own tendencies, but having the ability to control them knowing that they are sinful is remarkable. And, of course, spending your life in the service of your parents is another wonderful sacrifice. 

As for the second part of your question, there are many, many men throughout the world who have returned to heterosexuality after living as homosexuals. I urge you to explore the website for the National Association of Research and Therapy of Homosexuality - NARTH. There are endless resources and very interesting articles about this phenomenon, including links to groups of men who have gone from homo- to heterosexual. Here’s an example of such a story:

The Ex-Gay Story in the Pop Music World

By Roberto Marchesini
NARTH International Representative - NARTH Italia

Italy's "Festival di San Remo," the most important musical happening in my country which is seen on T.V. by millions of Italians, became the unlikely platform this year for a powerful ex-gay testimony. The singer, Giuseppe Povia, winner of the festival in 2006, presented a song entitled, "Luca Era Gay" (Luca was once gay). The title of his song, implying that some gays can change to heterosexuality, was sufficient to destabilize the Italian gay movement. Gay activists threatened to block the festival, and Euro-parlimentary member Vittorio Agnoletto asked for a European resolution to stop Povia from performing the song. Povia, himself, received death threats. The gay association "Everyone" denounced Povia to the Procura of the Republic for alleged "homophobia." These efforts failing, gay activists then asked the Festival organizers to "counterbalance" Povia with a song by a gay singer, about "the perfection of homosexual love." That effort too, failed.

Finally, on February 17th., Povia sang his song on the first evening of the Festival. "Luca Era Gay" recounts the transformation of a man named Luca from the gay lifestyle. Without the help of psychologists and psychiatrists, he went deep within himself to understand the sources of his homosexual attractions. An emotionally disconnected, detached father and a smothering mother, he says, created confusion about his sexual identity: "I looked for men who would be my father; I went with men not to betray my mother." The song also alludes to a superficiality in homosexual relationships. He says, "…between love and deceit, often we betrayed each other." The song ends with this verse: "This is my story, only my story. No disease. No healing. Dear dad, I forgive you even if you didn't come back. Mum, I often think of you, I love you, and sometimes I still bear your reflection, but now I am a father and I am in love with the only woman I have ever loved." The music, a soft rap with dramatic tunes, carries a direct and honest text while never judging homosexually oriented people for their own personal lifestyle choices.

Before Povia's song was aired, the Italian comedian Roberto Benigni presented a twenty-minute show in which he condemned Povia, saying that homosexuality isn't a sin, and that gays have been persecuted historically "because they love someone." He then read an excerpt from Oscar Wilde's "De Profundis."

After Povia's song, contrary to all custom, the conductor gave the microphone to Franco Grillini, former parliamentary member and former president of ARCIgay, the foremost gay association in Italy. Grillini said he had received a cellphone message from a friend (although all celphones were supposed to be turned off during the festival...), who had cried when he had just heard Benigni reading "De Profundis," because it brought to mind his partner who had died of AIDS. Grillini concluded by saying that Povia must learn what gay love is.

Then, the unforeseeable happened: people in the theatre started to hiss at Grillini (in Italy, hissing is like booing)! The crowd's sympathy was with Povia, not with the gay activist.

Povia's song went on to the finals and on the  Saturday night, won second place in the San Remo Festival, while outside the theatre, gay activists continued to protest against him. Povia himself said: "I too had a gay phase--it lasted seven months, and then I got over it."

The popularity of "Luca Era Gay" has given courage and dignity to the ex-homosexual community in Italy, who, until now, have been thoroughly intimidated by gay activists. The text's real-life insights regarding the ex-gay experience are undeniable.

TO SEE VIDEOS OF THIS SONG, CLICK HERE.

There are many stories like this but nowadays, due to the bias in media coverage related to anything gay, such stories and examples are usually blocked or deemed as anti-gay. It’s a crazy world we live in. Anyway, I urge you to check out the NARTH website and make use of all the resources there. From my reading and understanding, there is so much about ‘being gay’ that is not explored due to fear and misunderstanding about one’s self. I’m sure somewhere along the line, the gay community taught you to never question the possibility of not being gay. This is one of the unfortunate things that occurs among the population, that is based on misunderstanding and fear. You should never believe that you cannot change – this is true for anyone not only homosexuals – for we can always change especially when we are able to arrive at a deeper and more honest level of understanding about ourselves and our background.

Please visit NARTH and feel free to write us again if you have follow-up questions….

For further guidance, please try the following link(s):
Homosexuality: A Major Sin
Terrified That He Might Be Gay
2nd Follow-Up: Not So Cool to Be Gay
Obsessive Compulsive Attraction
Therapy for Homosexuals