Salam, Lisa.

Thank you for your trust in both our site and in Islam. I appreciate your intelligent and respectable attitude towards Islam in dealing with a Muslim husband.

It really touched me how you have been trying to act in a way that indicates your respect to your Muslim husband, and to your promise of becoming a positive Muslim man's wife. It is clear in your efforts with your son how you are trying your best to keep away from prejudice and to stick to your word.

Now, I need to address your multi-dimensional question. Let me summarize your problem into three main points. These are:

1- Your relationship with your husband.

2- Your need to have another child.

3- Your personal religious choice.

Your Relationship With Your Husband

I find the way your husband is handling the situation to be very painful, and not quite Islamic. This does not mean that your husband is not a good Muslim, or that he is a bad husband. But, it simply means that he is mistaken.

Your husband is struggling with his religious conscience, due to a grave misunderstanding. When he chose to marry a non-Muslim woman, who is a believer and who is doing her best to understand and respect his religion, he did not commit any mistakes. On the contrary, he acted very Islamically.

The problem is that he did not visualize realistically how this decision will reflect on daily life. It is a fact that you are not a Muslim, and it is normal that you would not know everything about Islam. It is expected that you would make "mistakes", from the point of view of a Muslim husband, and there is no problem in that.

Actually, Muslims themselves make mistakes all that time, and they are blessed to believe in a religion that informs them that all mistakes can be simply erased and forgiven. So, where is the problem here?

The problem is that he thinks that you will never accept his criticism, and that you will never understand where the mistake is. Here your husband is really mistaken, because from your words, I can see that you are really willing to understand. It seems he is taking it very sensitively and cannot face you with the "little things" that he sees to be mistakes in the way you are bringing up your child.

My advice is not to try to ask your husband again and again. Men usually do not react positively with pressure. On the contrary, this pushes them to withdraw more and more. The only hope is that he would come to understand how seriously keen you are to know where the problem is.

Raising a Muslim child is not really about eating and bathroom habits. I guess here is the missing point. Most probably, at the beginning, your husband was worried about these daily habits of any Muslim, so he gave you the impression that being a mother to a Muslim child you have to take care of these habits. Yes, it is important for any Muslim to keep pure and clean bathroom habits and to avoid prohibited nutrition. But that is not all.

Raising a Muslim child is about gently teaching the child how to love his own Creator and helping him to absorb the will to peacefully submit to the One and only Supporter and Sustainer: that is Allah.

Raising a Muslim child is about teaching him how to pray, physically, spiritually, and mentally, with a loving heart and a humble soul. Raising a Muslim child is about teaching him that we live in this life to love and serve the One and only Divine, Who brought us into existence with love, and Who is still providing and sustaining us with love.

Raising a Muslim child is a much deeper and richer experience than: "Be clean in your bathroom habits and do not eat ham or the dead."

I understand, dear Lisa, that you might be doing your best to study Islam. But a person who is not yet in full submission to the One and only Creator, might not really be able to "instinctively" transmit what is needed to be transmitted to a young flourishing Muslim. It is clear to me that your husband is facing this dilemma, and that he does not want to hurt you by his worries. So, sadly, he is hurting you more by avoiding the topic.

Your only solution, dear, is to keep studying Islam. Read the Quran. I recommend the translation of M. Abdel Haleem. Read more about Islam, as much as you can. Read the history and biography of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). Read the biographies of the good Companions and the Mothers of Believers. Read into the moral paradigm of Islam encompassing justice, peace, equality, love, and tolerance.

By time, you will find out more about Islam. It will help you more to look at things with a closer eye. Definitely, your perspective in looking at matters will get you closer in attitude to what your husband is expecting, but cannot express.

Just make sure not to do that under the emotional pressure of wanting to please your husband, or in order to convince him about getting another child. Simply do that because it is the right way to do things, and it is the way by which you can continue sticking to your promise of acting as a serious, respectful wife of a Muslim husband. Get closer more and more, Lisa. The more you do, you will feel you are looking at Islam from within, not from the outside.

The Need to Have More Children

It is quiet normal, Lisa, that you want to have another child from a husband you love. In fact, I do not agree with your husband in depriving you from your right to have more children. There is nothing in Islam that would approve of his attitude. Since he decided to marry a non-Muslim, he should have expected that you will not know everything about Islam.

Yet, I also do not agree at all with your sister-in-law, when she encourages you to go for it without agreeing with your husband. Do not repeat your husband's mistake. Do not push him to find himself in a situation that he does not accept. Do not take individual decisions. Whether you are part of a Muslim family or not, any family should be built on stronger foundations of mutual agreements between all family members.

Do not regret being truthful, my dear Lisa. You are being yourself. Cherish that! From all what you've written, it shows that you are an honest person who is in real reconciliation with her truthful self. Do not lose that. Do not make mistakes because others do.

Just be patient and try to give your husband real space. Take your space, and work on gaining more knowledge about Islam. Give it some real time. Don't worry about your chances of having children. This is in the hands of Allah. Just make sure that your desire to have more children is really clear to your husband. Do not make him think that you forgot about it.

Tell him that frankly. Do not go into discussions. Tell him that you want a child, and that you do not want to push hard. Tell him that you respect his will, and that you are hoping he would respect yours. Then, if you do not find positive reaction, repeat this approach after a really long while, not less than six months. The time and space of your repetition will make your husband realize that you did not forget about it.

Hopefully, he will react positively after a while, and show some respect to your will, especially when he feels how keen you are to know more about Islam, how keen you are to have more children, and how keen you are to respect his will. Tell him those very words and hope for the best.

Your Personal Religious Choice

My last advice for you: Do not become a Muslim for the sake of your husband. I agree with you here. Get to know more about Islam on your own. When you feel it is time, and you have the real will for it, then take the decision peacefully.

I hope my answer is helpful. In case you need more advice, please write to us again.

Salam.

Useful Links:

Having Many Children: A Muslim Take

Children in Interfaith Marriages

About Children of Interfaith Marriages and Gays

Choosing Islam for the Sake of Marriage

Choosing Religion for God, Not for Man

A Closer Look at Mixed-Faith Marriages

Seeking an Interfaith Marriage

Supportive Details for Interfaith Marriage

Building a Successful Interfaith Marriage

Interfaith Marriage Rules

Interfaith Relationship: Break Up or Marry?