My faith is growing al-hamdu lillah, I just need time and it seems my husband doesn't realize that (although he knew I had just converted). He says I haven't got manners and he often gets upset (using abusive language). Last time he got upset was because of my reaction to something he himself did. I found out he had smoked a joint and most of all he didn't do anything to hide it. His eyes looked strange plus he tried to kiss me and I could smell the smoke. I got upset because it was not the first time, but I never used offensive language and I never shouted. He got upset because a Muslim woman should be patient even when her husband does something wrong. He didn't talk to me for three days and on the third day he said to me:

"If you feel you can't make it, let's stop it now, there is nothing between us anyway (i.e., children) so no one would be hurt ... if we had kids I wouldn't say this though, I would just take the kids and you wouldn't see them anymore."

I was shocked. I replied, "Sorry, but in case of divorce we should follow what Allah wants us to follow," and he said, "I'm Muslim, but for my kids I would forget about Islam, I swear by Allah, Allah is my witness, I would take the kids and disappear, no matter what. A friend of a friend had a baby from a Polish girl and he took her and disappeared. Now he is back home and he can raise the girl in a Muslim way." I expressed that I felt that that guy was wrong, this is not what Islam teaches. "I wouldn't let you do that, we should follow Islam in everything, even in things that might hurt us, thinking always of the reward in the afterlife." He said, "I swear again, I would forget about Islam and take my kids and if you or anyone of your family come to take them back, I would kill you or them." He swore by Allah on every word he said and I really believe he thinks like that, there is no doubt. He is not violent to me but I know he can be.

In seven months I have already stopped him three times from having a fight (once he fractured his fingers because he wanted to go out and fight with some guy, but I stopped him and instead he punched the door). In case of divorce, I really believe he would take the kids. I am trying to be patient but this is too serious, I have to think about the future of the kids we might have in sha' Allah. A good marriage can't start with me thinking of the horrible things he would do in case of divorce.

I am afraid. He thinks he is a very good Muslim, and I am far from being good while he is not. He never thought of himself being a bad husband. Once, after he insulted me, I told him I need a good example in my life especially because I don't know much about Islam and I don't have any example in my family. He took it as an insult. The same evening he showed me the hadith which said that most of people in hell are women ungrateful to their husbands. I'm thinking of divorce, but I need your advice, please I am desperate.

Jazakum Allah khayran.