All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

Dear brother in Islam, thanks a lot for your interest about Islam and its teachings. We do really appreciate your question which shows how far you are interested about adherence to the dictates of Shari`ah. May Allah save us all from the traps of Satan and enlighten our hearts with the light of Islam!

The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said, “Islam is built upon five pillars: testifying that there is no true god except Allah and that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah, performing Prayer, paying the Zakah, making the pilgrimage to the Sacred House (Hajj), and fasting the month of Ramadan.” (Al-Bukhari).Thus, hajj is an individual obligation that must be fulfilled one a Muslim is able. Helping a son or a daughter to get married cannot be an excuse for not meeting this obligation.

With regard to your question, Sheikh `Atiyyah Saqr, former head of Al-Azhar Fatwa Committee, answers:

A father is not obliged to help his son to get married; it is only a recommended act for him. However, Hajj is mandatory upon one who is able to perform it. If the observation of an obligatory act conflicts with a voluntary one, the former takes precedence over the latter. Thus, the father should perform Hajj first because it is an obligation and he can afford it. There is a hadith that warns against deferring Hajj, particularly if one is able to perform it. Furthermore, the majority of jurists maintain that Hajj must be performed as soon as one is able to, and delaying it is counted as a sin.

The son should be patient and wait until Almighty Allah enables him to get married. Allah the Almighty says: (And let those who cannot find a match keep chaste till Allah give them independence by His grace.)(An-Nur 24: 33)

Also, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) is reported to have said: “O youth, whoever is able to marry, let him marry, because it spares one looking at what one should not, or lapsing in immorality. And whoever is not able to, let him observe fasting, as it is a shield (against sin)." (Reported by Muslim) “Able” means he can afford marriage costs.

If the son is in urgent need to marry in order to protect himself from sin, he should propose to a woman who is financially suitable for him. There are many Muslim women who would agree to marry with a humble dowry and furniture.

Likewise, if a father wants to prepare his daughter for marriage, it is considered a recommended act and not obligatory, whereas Hajj is obligatory and as such it is to be given priority.

If a young man is financially able to either marry or perform Hajj (for the first time), what should he do? If he is able to resist his sexual desires, he should perform Hajj before getting married because Hajj is compulsory, whereas marriage is generally recommended. But if he cannot control himself to such an extent that he can easily fall into the abyss of sin, he should get married and not perform Hajj because marriage is obligatory in this case. In the latter case the person is not legally considered able to perform Hajj, because ability means to meet one’s basic needs, and marriage is among those basic needs which should be met. Here marriage acts as a means to remove evil, and as such should be given priority over Hajj, which is performed with a view to bringing about good.

However, if the father has already performed Hajj once and wants to perform it for the second time, he can choose between two recommended acts: helping his sons and daughters to get married or performing Hajj.