As-salamu `alaykum
It's a great idea to help your son learn to be more organized, but for the time being he still needs you, his father and his teacher to stay behind him, in order for that to happen:
First, make sure that your son carries his school bag to school and back home every day. Keep it in the same place at home every day and make sure that it is packed and ready for school at night before he goes to bed. That way you won't have to rush in the morning packing lunch money, homework, and so on.
Make sure that your son has a planner to carry back and forth as well. Little notebooks can get lost, so be sure that his is 5x7 inches or larger. Talk with the teacher about making sure that all assignments are written in the planner each day (an organized peer can help him with this) and ask that the teacher initials it each day so that you'll know it is complete. Then you initial it each night after all assignments are done and send it back the next day.
When your son has a long-term assignment, help him plan a schedule for completing it. Write the due date on the calendar, then work back from there. One week before the due date, your son will have the written part of the project done. Two weeks before, he will have the art work done. Three weeks before, he will have the research done, and so on.
Help your son to be organized in his home life as well. Keep all supplies he needs for homework in one place along with any other needed books. Keep anything he needs for a sports team, for Boy Scouts, or for other groups in one place. Make sure he has a calendar and a bulletin board to keep track of important dates and projects.
Also talk with the school counselor. He/She may have written information available or may offer small groups on organizational skills.
The counselor may also know about resources in your community that will help with this topic; some colleges offer classes on organizational skills for teenagers and younger children.
From Counselor Soha Elsaman
As-salamu `alaykum sister,
Jazakum Allahu khayranfor intrusting us with your problem we ask Allah (SWT) for guidance to his straight path.
Firstly, I would like to state that your son's condition is common amongst his age group. Children normally forget things and are not that organized from an early age. That does not mean we can't help them organize themselves.
As a matter of fact when I read your message I remembered my son as he was in the same situation.
In the course of answering your question, I will start with analyzing what could be the root cause of this disorganization issue. This problem is generally stemmed from the children lacking appropriate physical development and therefore not being able or not quite sure how to appropriately carry out basic physical movements. In the pre-school stage there are many areas of development, and naturally if your son is excelling in non-physical areas such as intellectual activities (for instance computing), then he might have been encouraged to spend the majority of the time on other areas but not the physical development activities. Typically he needed to have spent more time to learn how to handle tools, handy skills and how to tidy up after himself.
Also the problem could come from home as parents sometimes do more than they should for children leaving the child a bit lost when they come to perform their own tasks. So they become a little unsure on what to do and how to organize themselves. To start tackling this problem, your son must be pushed to organize himself.
Here are some tips and practical things you can do:
1- Create a calendar with typical activities that he should do on a timely basis such as:
Then help him to tick these activities when he finishes them. If he, does not tidy up something or he does not put it in its designated place then hide it from him and tell him that he had to put it right if he want to find it.
2- Don’t put him down if he fails to do something and always encourage him and push him to succeed
3- Treat him like a man as this will get him to be more responsible. He has to understand that you have the upper hand and authority but he had been given some decision making freedom and therefore responsibility.
4- Don’t bring him new toys until he shows respect and organization to his existing ones.
5- Get him to subscribe in a physical sport where he further develops his coordination, muscles and movements such as football, swimming, judo, etc.
For further guidance for, please try the following:
Losing My Teenager to Another World
Fatherly Advice: Raising the Rebellious
Reflecting on Our Roles as Fathers and Husbands
