Question and Answer Details

Answer

As-salamu `alaykum.
We have read and re-read this particular message and tried to make sense of it the best we could. If we understand your question accurately, there is in fact a lot you can do Islamically.

First, fear Allah and do not be the source of destruction for your cousin’s marriage. Even if your cousin’s husband and your cousin have contributed separately to your sinful behavior, there is no justification for you to continue to contribute towards the destruction of their marriage. They will need to come to terms with their own sinful behavior. Islam forbids you to have any relationship with a woman who is already married, whether she is your cousin or not.

Second, you have to realize that homosexuality is an abominable sin. There is no more that we can say than this. Stop engaging in homosexual thoughts or actions. Be remorseful, turn to Allah and seek His forgiveness.

Finally, we are convinced that based on what you have written, you need an AIDS test and counseling, and you need both right now. You owe it to yourself to know whether or not you have AIDS. This cannot be a passing concern. You should also seek out a Muslim counselor whom you can work with in person. There are some serious emotional and sexual issues that you need to resolve. If you cannot find a Muslim counselor, then at least seek out your local imam. If you cannot do any of this, then at least make sure that you do not get involved in any further sinful activity.

Continue to repent to Allah constantly and be fearful of your soul tempting you back into sin. Engage in regular prayer, fasting, and give charity. Do your best to recover from your past sinful life. Have hope in Allah’s mercy but set your life aright first! Allah knows best.