Question and Answer Details

Answer

As-salamu ‘alaykum

We want to thank you first and foremost for reaching out to us. We also want to let you know that you are in our prayers as you attempt to deal with these challenges in your life. Allah Most High is All-knowing, and therefore you should never feel that He does not know the pain and suffering that you have experienced as a result of the sexual abuse your grandfather perpetrated against you. Allah Most High is also the best of the planners, so you should not give up on life but should rather turn to Allah with great hope and in anticipation of His mercy!

What has happened to you is not your fault. You did not bring the sexual abuse onto yourself. You have not done anything wrong. You are the victim and you must seek professional help immediately. You have internalized feelings of shame and guilt for too long and you must learn to process those feelings in the company of a trained counselor. Do not attempt to resolve this on your own. You must make prayers to Allah for help and also seek out counseling.

We have read that you were diagnosed with the HIV. Have you had a second opinion? Do not feel as though we are judging you, but have you had any other sexual activity outside of the abuse by your grandfather? We ask that question because if the abuse is the only sexual activity then it is almost certain that your grandfather is a carrier of the HIV and that means that you cannot keep silent anymore about what has happened to you. Lives are at risk if your grandfather is allowed to continue living his life as if everything is normal. It is NOT normal, especially if he is a carrier of the HIV. Every other person he abuses will be at risk of contracting HIV. You must exercise wisdom in broaching this subject with your parents but it must be done. If their marriage is so frail that upon hearing this, your father might divorce your mother, then there are serious problems that your parents have to face up to.

Allah is the best of planners and He is All-wise. Pray to Him constantly and seek His guidance on how you should go about bringing this situation to light. Remember that every day your grandfather is allowed to live life as normal is one more day that your grandfather has a chance to potentially ruin the lives of your brothers and sisters and even your cousins or other innocent people.

We strongly urge you to work with a counselor in dealing with your feelings as a carrier of HIV. Come to terms with the fact that everything happens by the will of Allah Most High. If the second opinion confirms that you have HIV, then spend the rest of your living days getting closer to Allah Most High. If it is Allah’s will, you may live much longer than any human would expect. And indeed, if it is Allah’s will, your pain and suffering on this earth may be cut short. Furthermore, if it is Allah’s will, you may be able to live a normal life and be able to do all that you dreamed of doing. Strengthen your relationship with Allah so that you can receive His blessings. The important point is that you cannot cut your life short voluntarily. You cannot say I do not want to live any longer. You must surrender to Allah fully and completely and continue to have hope in the mercy of Allah Most High. Always remember, Allah knows best.

For further guidance please refer to the following links:

Past sins are haunting me and I am too scared to get tested for HIV

Homosexuality and Lesbianism: Sexual Perversions