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Question
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Hi there!
I have just stumbled across this site. I think it is a really good thing you are doing here. Before I launch into my question, I thought some background information would be important. I am in my early 20s. I call myself a Muslim, and I have my own interpretations of what being a good Muslim entails. I was born in the West and my parents are from the Middle East, consequently I often find myself in a limbo-land and it was hard growing up. I have often referred to Islam to get me through some tough situations and give me strength in every day matters.
I would like feedback about an idea of mine, rather than to ask you a specific question. It is on the topic of friends, and friendship. My very good friend (of 10 years) and I had a falling out 2 years ago. In hindsight, we were two very different people, total opposites, with different value systems. The issue came down to a simple matter: I expected too much from her and she let me down. I initially thought it was her fault for not putting me first, but I later realized that I was to blame for expecting too much. At the time, I figured it was my right to expect honor and loyalty, but I soon learnt not to expect that from anyone.
After this break up in our friendship, I said to myself, that I will never let anyone get that close to me again, so close that their actions can actually make tears fall from my eyes. Well, it’s happened again, despite this promise. I was on guard when I met this new girl who moved in next door to me. She is a devout Christian, and although we have some differences in beliefs, we share the same morals and values. It was refreshing to meet someone else that was so similar to me. Even still, for 2 years I was on guard, and did not let her get too close, until this year when she moved to Canada for a semester.
Well I did miss her, and I think she was kind of lonely there and we often spoke on the phone. She told me I was one of her best friends and confided in me and implied that she cared about me etc. When she arrived back into the country, she was at her parents’ home, and we talked on the phone. She told me, she could not wait to see me and catch up with me, she also mentioned again, how much she valued me and said things like when she gets married she would like me to be maid of honor etc.. I feel a little foolish typing this for you, but I’m telling you this, because it was these things she said, that allowed her into my heart, and let me trust and accept her as a true friend. So once again, what she did next (I will not go into it), let me down. I expected too much from her, and she let me down in terms of honor and loyalty.
My idea is this: The only person I will ever rely on is God. My insides are stone, although I might smile on the exterior. I will not expect anything of anyone, and if something nice happens, I figure I will be pleasantly surprised. I will trust no one but God. If I need a friend, if I need to share, I will speak to God. Everyone I have ever relied on has let me down, and I cannot go through it again. God gives me love and peace and friendship and when I think of Him, everything seems okay.
Why does it still hurt so much though? I hope He gives me the strength not to trust and rely on anyone ever again. As Anwar Ibrahim, the former Deputy minister of Malaysia who has been false jailed says: Let the plotters plot all they want, for God is still the best of schemers. This statement is what I live by now, and I figure if people are out to hurt me, I will have my faith, and God will look out for me.
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