Question and Answer Details

Answer

As-salaamu alaykum,

I can understand when you say that you are upset and confused because of the situation of your husband. However your state of being depressed, ill and in pain doesn't help your husband and definitely not yourself. So, you have but, two options.
Either give up on your husband, whom you seem to love, or help him. Fighting with your husband (against him) over his addiction doesn't help him much. You should rather fight with your husband against addiction. In other words you should fight for your husband. Fighting because he is an addict and over financial matters is putting him in a very stressful situation that (according to an addict) would be only relieved by further drug abuse. So, both of you seem to have entered a vicious circle that is hard to break. I am by no means trying to blame you for the situation you are in, rather as mentioned above, I can totally understand your emotional state.

But you have to know that children (and adults) sometimes if they want to attract their loved ones’ attention, they sometimes do things that would annoy them to attract their attention. Either by making fights with them, as in your case or by being hit, in case of little children. This has made their loved ones pay attention to them (in a negative way though) rather than ignoring them (as in your case ignoring him is not talking to him). So even by fighting with him, he thinks that he has managed to attract your attention.

Now let’s decide on what you might try to do. Try, even if difficult, to stand by your husband by being the loving and caring wife, and here comes the important part, on a constant level, even when he resorts to drinking. In doing this you will break the cycle of him wanting to attract you attention.

I must say that it is very positive for him to recognize that he has a problem; because the situation is sometimes much worse if they deny that they have a problem at all. The first step in any treatment is that the patient realizes that there is a problem and that he wants to find the cure. Al hamdulellah, at least you don’t have this problem. Medication and psychotherapy will then be more effective if you stand by your husband and start fighting for him not with him. I know it is easier said than done, but your obligation as a wife and your love to your husband will help you in maintaining this constant level of care giving and loving.

As for your son, I am sure he will be very proud of his mother when he later knows how much you fought for his father and supported him in times of agony .

For further guidance please refer to the following links:

◊ Drugs are ruining his life, parents are sick, he only fights and argues

◊ Islam Prohibits Alcohol and Drugs