Question and Answer Details

Answer

We have several reasons to suggest that you do not get married to this young man. It is true that Allah is the one who has already pre-determined many aspects of our life for us. But, it is rare that human beings are able to know outright what the future holds for us.

It is quite natural to respect someone from another culture or religion. But respect alone is not a sound reason to consider marrying someone. Other major issues must be given due attention.

Religious Differences

If you are a Christian or a Jewish woman, this Muslim man is allowed according to Islamic law, to marry you. However, he cannot marry you if you are of any other faith unless you convert to Islam. If you are a Christian or a Jew, it is not required for you to convert to Islam. However, the children from that marriage must be raised as Muslims. In this case, you already have two grown children. Will you all retain your own religion? Are you willing to convert?

Cultural Differences

Although in the initial "courting" stages, cultural differences seem to be minimized, we would like to caution you against falling into a trap. For the sake of furthering the relationship, people often over-identify with each other. However, after marriage, there is usually an expectation, among cases we have seen with newly arrived immigrants, that the American wife is ultimately expected to adopt the husband's culture - for the sake of the children. There must be clear communication from the start.

On Having Children

He says he is OK with not having any more children. This again seems to be an attempt at over-appeasing you. If this young man has never been married, it will be one of his strongest desires to have a progeny. As such, you will face difficulty after marriage because refusing to have children could result in his seeking to divorce you. Or else, though not allowable in US Law, the young man may even suggest that he marry another younger woman who can bear his children.

This young man may be quite sincere in his desire to marry you. At this age (you checked between 46-60), you do not want to take such a major step such as re-marriage to a younger man from another religion and culture. Consider the impact of introducing this man into the lives of your grown up children.

And most of all, ask yourself:
Is it enough for me to appreciate this young man's religion and culture, and treat him like a family friend?

If you can frankly say yes to the above question, then it is better for you to maintain a sort of family friendship with this young man.

Otherwise, please consider carefully all the issues we have outlined above before making a firm decision.

Do keep in touch.