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She knows what she wants. What she doesn’t know is how to get it, or maybe she knows but something or someone is standing between herself and her dreams. No one appreciates being caged in, held back, no one likes to live a life of constant restraint, slowly but surely she will be driven mad, insane, and really who can blame her. For eighteen years she chose to remain silent, the silence is now killing her, the harsh words of obstruction, the condemning, the blame, her spirit is crushed. She believes that God is out their and that He has an ultimate plan, but she is now driven to believe that its her personality, her character, which is to blame for her messed up life. What can she possibly do? She likes the person that she is, and she wouldn’t want to change for anything, for anyone, yet she is suffering because she loves herself despite it all.
It is absolutely amazing how little say some people have in their own lives; it’s amazing how different types of love can be so dangerous, so deceiving, so deadly. Yes, in life you don’t always get what you want, but when you find that you are not getting anything that you want because of someone else, something is definitely wrong. When you feel as if everything in your life is crushing you, your life suffocating you, your choices not your own or limited into a bundle of choosing between the lesser of the things which you don’t want. What happens when you're trapped in a web that you feel you just don’t belong in, a spider spinning you deeper and deeper into something you can’t handle, you can’t move, can’t breath, until darkness falls around and you're willing to give up? You can’t go anywhere because you're trapped, you can’t run, you can’t even hide. What you're most afraid of is the spider, the only one that can set you free, yet why would she set you free if she’s trapped you in the first place? Now she gets what she wants by holding you captive and living her busy life, while you struggle to keep yourself alive, to breath, to grab any opportunity of freedom, any movement the web can allow, you are now desperate to break free, but the fight is gone, the spirit is dead.
So now she is alone, she has no broad view of life, no hope, no more ambition, love is a vice. She has learnt that love can be shown in different ways, and the overprotective, stifling, possessive type of love has killed her. She now has no desire to experience any other form of love, she is now waiting for it all to end, even if it means that she waits until she dies, then that is exactly what she would do. She is living some one else’s life and she has given up hope of ever living her own.
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