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Parents usually get the blame for most things in the lives of the youth. I often hear young people say things like “I’m like this because my mum and dad … “ or “my parents didn’t prepare me for life.” Others will say, “I’m like this because I’m just like my father.” It’s easy to cop out and throw the blame of your life onto the shoulders of someone else, but is it always fair to do that? I mean, isn’t it a sign of maturity to take responsibility for your own actions?
Often you will hear people say that they left a trail of disasters behind them in their lives because of how they were brought up, or because they had an unhappy childhood, or maybe because they used to get bullied at school and so on. I do not ever mean to make out that going through such things is trivial, by no means! Having an unhappy childhood can really make getting going in your life that much more difficult, but what I want to say is that just because you feel you might be handicapped in some way in your life, it doesn’t mean that you are doomed to disaster. I personally know many people who managed to overcome great challenges and difficulties and emerged with strength of character, solid relationships, and a chain of successes.
Now who had the perfect childhood? Who has perfect parents? Who, indeed, has a perfect life?
It all boils down to this: What is the nature of this life? Do we expect things to be perfect in a world that is filled with human beings who continually fluctuate between good and evil? We should understand from the very beginning that not only are we surrounded by troubles and hardships caused by the misbehavior of man, but we are also born with the ability to get on in life. These hardships may be physical, emotional, or environmental. Some people are born into troubled families, some others are abused and mistreated and so carry fear with them throughout their lives, and some others suffer from ill health or rejection.
People face complexities: possible disasters that may fall upon us whether they be war, famine, political strife, injustice, illiteracy, poverty, and much more. The human spirit lies deep within the physical frame that bears the brunt of life. Keeping the spirit strong and positive, bold and assertive, and ever hopeful is one true measure of a successful life.
When life’s difficulties are allowed (by yourself) to affect the spirit in a negative way—making you feel desperate, negative or even spiteful and revengeful—then you’re walking down the wrong path in life. You’ve entered a vicious cycle where you churn out negative (evil) and so receive it back, and then churn out more and so on. Only if you can manage to approach life and the challenges it contains in a correct and positive way can you truly get to the stage where you can grow and develop from your negative experiences in life, and never get destroyed by them. But how can this happen?
The key to success lies in the spirit of man, and this is in fact your real self—the self you take with you after you leave this life. You must strive to keep the spirit strong and healthy, and rely on your closeness to Allah. Our success is measured by the degree to which we live in harmony with our essential nature (fitrah) and the degree to which the body, mind, and spirit work together in harmony. This harmony can only be achieved when we live our lives according to Allah’s way,
which He has prescribed for us.
Every human being shares this same condition, and every human being lives the consequences of his or her words and deeds. Is there any person who honestly believes they can say or do whatever they like and that there will be no consequence? Surely we’re all aware that even if we throw a pebble into a pond of water, it has an effect that goes far beyond the point of impact. The same applies to us. We all do and say things wrong and at that moment we put ourselves in the position of bearing the brunt of the consequences of what we’ve just done, unless we turn to Allah and repent and cover that bad deed with a good deed.
So even the person who hurts you, abuses you, does you injustice, or tries to bring about whatever difficulty, will live with the consequences of what they did or said to you unless they repent and, in some cases, only if you forgive them. No one can ever bear the burden of another person—no matter how much you might love them. All you can do is advise and forgive and pray for that person.
So you feel unhappy sometimes. You often feel dissatisfied with the people you find around you—including your family and friends. You don’t feel like a successful person. You sometimes feel trapped within something that you didn’t necessarily choose to be in. You have a handicap in life; this could be a physical handicap, a mental handicap, or you could be handicapped by your situation or by people.
So what should you do? Scowl at life? Blame everyone around you? Give up and allow yourself to be swallowed by hopelessness? Live your life without thinking and planning and just take things as they come? And when things fail blame your situation or your parents or whatever? Or you could go and stand in front of the mirror and be honest with yourself. Accept yourself as you are—realize from deep within your soul that you are filled with potential, that you carry within you the strength and wisdom to deal with whatever is troubling you. Concentrate and try to understand that the person or people who have hurt you are also just human beings!
They too are filled with mistakes, regrets, fears, and weaknesses, and Allah will deal with them and judge them. So release grudges from your heart and focus on your reality—on what you are and what you can be. Then turn away from the mirror and turn to Allah in prayer, and be sure that if you do so sincerely and with a surety He will guide you, and one day the troubles of today will be gone and you’ll look back and see a trail of success, love, and goodness.
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