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The dramatic rise in youth violence in the United States is a source of concern for both the public and private sectors. What can be done to prevent aggression and violent behavior among the youth? To what degree are our youth learning about violence at home? In answering this latter question, one might conclude in haste that the reference to violence at home implies a discussion only about youth who witness domestic violence. Such a conclusion is only partially correct. Violent messages in our homes result from at least two broad sources: parents and siblings on the one hand and the products of the entertainment industry on the other hand.
Violent Messages: Parents and Siblings
Imagine raising children in homes in which aggression and violent behavior were illegal, against the law, not allowed, not permitted, and not tolerated. To some degree, societal norms and even laws pertaining to aggression and domestic violence already exist. And yet every day children are witnesses to aggressive and violent behavior from their parents, siblings, and other relatives. Growing up in such households, these children are being told implicitly or explicitly that aggressive behavior is all right, that violent behavior is acceptable. Strangely enough, the reminder to never resort to aggression and violence is not only in line with societal norms and laws but is especially central to Islamic teachings related to the interaction between family members. So what can be done to ensure that our children do not receive such violent messages at home?
From birth, the child must be exposed to behavior that is merciful, kind, and loving. Our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) modeled for us behavior with his wives, children, and grandchildren that was the epitome of mercy, kindness, generosity, and love. It is his example, indeed, that we emulate in all aspects of our lives. It is true that children will from time to time test their parents, aggravate their siblings, and even be mischievous to the degree that they either hurt themselves or hurt others around them. However, often during the early years of childhood, children pay great attention to the reactions their own behavior elicits from their parents and their siblings. While this particular article is not about the overall intricacies of raising children, the focus remains on the messages of aggression and violence that parents and siblings impart to the younger members of the household.
Verbal or physical aggression creep into parenting styles because they appear to be deceptively effective. Parents and siblings appear to regain control over a seemingly difficult situation with a toddler or a young child by raising their voices, by threatening to hit the child or, even worse, by actually hitting the child. While a shout, a threat, or a slap might last for only a few seconds, each of these actions sends a message that has a lasting impact on the children. Older siblings who hurl curses at each other or at their younger brothers or sisters, or who take to punching, kicking, or slapping them are modeling very negative behavior. Fathers who verbally or physically abuse the mothers are modeling aggressive, violent behavior; equally disastrous is the message their behavior sends: that it is all right for men to treat women in this manner. Enough studies have proven that children who witness aggression and violence at home are more likely to themselves become perpetrators of aggression and violence as adults. All of us must renew our intentions to establish our homes entirely on Islamic teachings. Knowing the long-term negative impact of messages of aggression and violence, we must aspire to discipline our children with patience and resist the temptation to shout, threaten, or slap.
Violent Messages: Television and Video Games
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A critical question to ask at the outset is, how is your furniture arranged at home? Although such a question might seem entirely unrelated to the discussion at hand, the response will be quite revealing. You might have already responded saying that the furniture is arranged in such a way as to make sure no matter where one sits in the room, he or she is able to watch TV. How a family spends time together is often indicative of the behavior that children will internalize as acceptable modes of passing time. If the television or video games or movies or the Internet bring the family together, we can scarcely expect the children to not reach for those same entertainment sources as they grow older. The messages that we are receiving voluntarily into our homes through the television and other entertainment sources are both beneficial at best and sinful at worst. What is of greatest concern is that between viewing television and playing video games, our children are also surfing the Net and internalizing messages that, while seeming to keep them busy and out of our hair, are also imparting sinful and highly violent content.
There is so much research being conducted that highlights the imminent danger of exposing our children to certain television programs and video games. The impact of television alone should be sufficient to cause us to rethink what we consider entertaining. A major effort, known as the National Television Violence Study (NTVS), conducted a few years back, resulted in some very startling conclusions. The study concluded that nearly 66 percent of children’s programming contained violent content. So even programming classified as “children’s” is not safe for the very audience for whom it is intended.
Furthermore, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) informs us that at least four worrisome effects of TV violence should be noted: Children may (1) become “immune” to the horror of violence; (2) gradually accept violence as a way to solve problems; (3) imitate the violence they observe on television; and (4) identify with certain characters, victims and/or victimizers.
Parents cannot overlook the fact that it is neither effective nor advisable to use the “don’t look now, kids” strategy when it comes to censoring violent content on television. Even split-second images of violence have a message and the impact is detrimental, especially if it seems to the children that the perpetrators of the violence are not suffering any consequences and, even worse, that the victims of the violence are not suffering any pain. According to the NTVS study, “television often ignores or underestimates what happens to the victims of violence. In fact, roughly half of the violent incidents on television show no physical harm or pain to the victim” (26; italics in original).
Just as children imitate their parents and siblings at home, they inevitably desire to imitate characters on television. The NTVS study notes that “nearly 40% of the violent incidents on television are initiated by characters who possess qualities that make them attractive role models” (26; italics in original).
While television portrays real people doing real things, one might be inclined to think that children might be less susceptible to finding video game characters attractive. Unfortunately, research is now showing that video games with violent content are having an equally detrimental impact on children. As noted above, repeated doses of violent images on television render children immune and desensitized to violence. Video games with violent content are dangerous because they actually grant children the opportunity to participate in perpetrating violence, rendering them callous and insensitive to inflicting pain, to shooting indiscriminately and, worse, to being rewarded with a “high” score for playing their role in these horror-filled games.
Michael Rich, of the Center of Media and Child Health at Boston’s Children’s Hospital, testified in April 2005 to legislators in North Carolina on the dangers of “virtual” violence. A news report on Rich’s testimony noted that “young children who play certain video games are ‘learning violence’ and that such exposure makes them more anxious about violence in their own lives and increases their tendency to be aggressive” (Schreiner). The American Medical Association considers “violent video games” one of the top three concerns on its agenda to “promote healthier lifestyles among the young” (Tanner).
Final Thoughts
Raising emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically healthy children is challenging because it takes time and requires patience. We might be tempted to direct our children to the television or video games so that we can have some “peace and quiet” for ourselves after a long day at work. If the day at work did not go so well, we might be tempted to be short-tempered and shout, threaten, or hit our children. The reminder for all of us is that sometimes the aggressive and violent behavior we are witnessing in our youth is actually based on violent messages they received at home. We need to break this cycle of violence by returning to the basics of “family time.” A common saying is that a family that prays together and eats together stays together. Instead of pointing our furniture towards the television set, let us turn it so that family members face each other instead. Perhaps in this way we can ensure quality family time and reduce the reliance on television and video games to pass the time. It is clear that—unlike the aggression and violence disseminated by some parents and through some television programs and video games—mercy, kindness, generosity, and love are values that send very positive and healthy messages to our children.
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