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One day, someone asked me what I expected from the younger generation. I thought for a minute or so then I realized I didn't really have any expectations from them, but I certainly had a lot of expectations from the older generation. The young people should expect that we will be an example to them, listen to them, and guide them—be their friends.
Young people are in the process of finding themselves, discovering who they really are. They feel vulnerable and each stage they go through passes so quickly. It is the job of the adult to be with them as they go through each stage, as a support, a source of guidance, and as a friend. Each phase of their growing-up years is in a permanent kind of transition—one phase seems to blend into the next and they don't sustain that phase for long. Therefore, it is a time of confusion. Eventually, stability will settle in, but it happens at different ages for different people. It is true to say that people change throughout their lives, but young people change continually.
As an example of this, we can see that the differences between a 12-year-old and a 15-year-old are significant, but later, the three year gap is not felt so much, like for example between a 30-year-old and a 33-year-old.
The older generation needs to see young people as individuals, as people who can think, have opinions, and express themselves. After all, that is how they will learn. When I was young, we were always told that we couldn't make choices or express ourselves. So when the time came for me to actually make choices in my life, I felt afraid and uncertain. Keeping young people confined—not necessarily physically, but emotionally—can cause them to rebel. Often, young people will do the right thing when they feel they are trusted and respected, if they are given the chance.
Another point is that parents often show love to their teenagers by financial support and sometimes even use this as a form of blackmail to get them to do what they want. So, because money becomes an expression of love, when it is withdrawn, the young person may feel that the love has also gone. Parents should not be shy to say “I love you” to their teens or to give hugs and kisses or show physical signs of caring.
Parents should also make the effort to relate to each young person in their own individual way and according to their individual needs. Even in the same family, young people may experience family life differently and some young people need more attention than other siblings in certain ways—some require more encouragement and validation. Older people must acknowledge those differences.
A family might go out for the day and spend time together, but they may not necessarily relate to each other, just passing time, with each person feeling isolated in their own way. It is very important that parents spend individual quality time with each of their children. I used to dream that my mother would ask me what I think, or what's happening in my life—it never happened and I rebelled! Parents have to be prepared to go to the young person and not expect the young person to go to them. After all, the young person is the one going through the pains of growing up. I used to turn to my uncles, who related well with teenagers. I didn't feel comfortable discussing all kinds of things with my parents.
People generally have irrational fears and this is even more so with young people. These fears should be taken into account when parents ask them to do things or expect them to do things. If young people feel their fears are not taken seriously they will rebel.
Young people are far more perceptive than we give them credit for. They need to be guided, not dictated to. With a warm and friendly atmosphere, a good and kind example, and wise guidance, the young people will blossom and the inner capabilities and potentials will come out. Being dictated to makes them rebel.
Often, adults don't talk openly about what's going on in the world because they feel they want to protect the young people. But most of the time, the teenagers are aware of events but perhaps have received a distorted image, this is where parents can step in and help. If there is an open and honest relationship, a lot of issues can be clarified. For example, there is a lot of experimentation with sex and drugs and everyone knows about it. If parents are open about such subjects, there is a good chance that the young people will not hide what they're thinking. People are often inclined to do what is hidden and mysterious. Speaking openly often takes away the attraction of forbidden behavior and a more balanced perception emerges.
If parents say no to something, they should explain the reason why. And if parents forbid their teenagers from doing something that they themselves do, this will cause the young people to lose respect for their parents and rebel.
Parents should play an active part in the life of the teenager. This doesn't necessarily mean they have to go out together, but it does mean interacting with the young person at home. Watching the news or a film together and discussing it.
It is important to keep in mind that the older generation generally didn't have anyone to connect with (in modern terms). But now young people have the opposite of a traditional society, so we have to give more, be more flexible, and be closer to them.
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