Elderly in Ramadan

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It was shortly before the fast breaking meal of iftar when I entered the house of Sabira.
There was a flurry of activity as preparations were underway for iftar. Two tables were set outside, and her granddaughters and grandson’s wives went about getting everything ready. I greeted her, and immediately joined in on the preparations, setting out the savouries to be enjoyed at the iftar table.

Sabira is a sixty-seven year old woman who despite her illness due to her age and being overworked is constantly on the move. This is the first Ramadan that has found her without her husband, who passed away early this year. She lives in a granny cottage on the same property as her second eldest son.  The house was erected for her and her husband. They were relocated to this house from a flat from the surrounding area three years ago    .

Sabira has a home-based business in which she makes samosas (an India savoury). This business has provided for them for many years. The business usually picks up during the month of Ramadan, as there is a greater demand for savouries during this month. Sabira and her husband used to work hand in hand, complementing each other in life as well as business.   

“For me it’s very difficult since my husband is no longer here and I have to do everything myself. It takes up a lot more time. Although my granddaughter helps me out occasionally, I generally take all the work upon myself”, Sabira said.

Since the demand is much higher during this Ramadan Sabira has not had much assistance. and experiences difficulty As a result she is overly  stressed and tired. Sabira misses her husband very much, and the onset of Ramadan deeply intensifies these feelings. Her husband was a very warmhearted man, with a very warm nature who would manage many things.

“My husband would assist me in the preparation of suhur (the meal before fasting each day). Apart from Ramadan, he would be the one that would get me up for Fajr prayers every morning and prepare my tea for me”, she reminisces with a longing look in her eyes,

 Sabira relives the wonderful things he would do for her, saying:

“During the cold winter nights, he would prepare my hot water-bottle, and keep the bed warm for me”.

Although her home is filled with lots of life ,her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren are all around her, some how it doesn’t make up for the loss of her dear husband                                    

A Meaningless Ramadan

Life for her has lost its spark, since she lost her life-long companion. Her home does not hold the same light that it used to.

 “I feel like my life has lost it’s meaning, as if I also don’t want to be around    anymore”, she said.

Fortunately for Sabira  suhur and iftar is not spent alone, as she sleeps over at her children’s homes on alternate nights, and spends iftar with her family.

Ahmed, an elderly 86 year-old man, also resides on the same property as Sabira. Over the years his health has deteriorated to the extent that he is no longer able to fast. His eyesight, as well as hearing has weakened considerably, and he spends the majority of his time in his bedroom as he is unable to go to the masjid (mosque).
    

He lost his wife many years ago and does not have any children of his own. He is fortunate that he does not have to live alone as Sabira and her family have welcomed Ahmed in to their home. They take good care of him.

Although being surrounded by many people, he still has a very lonely life and misses his many companions who have passed away over the years. He will spend his ‘Eid with his extended family, and it will be one of the few times that he will have the opportunity to go out.

Yasna has a similar story recently lost her husband. Yasna is in her fifties, and lives all alone in a small home in Lenasia, Johannesburg. She has been the breadwinner for many years, and has worked hard to maintain the household as well as take care of her husband. Her husband passed away not long before Ramadan. The loneliness is really felt by her.

“My husband was a very sick man. My life was dedicated to looking after him. His sickness was such that at times I even needed to carry him on my back to move him from place to place”, Yasna said.

“Irrespective of how sick my husband was, he was my companion. Now I sit all alone for suhur, there is no one else but me,she added.  

Apart from the emotional journey that she is going through, Yasna is trying to cope with her finances as well.

“My husband was given a special grant, but since his death it has obviously come to a halt”.

Yasna is going through a difficult Ramadan, trying to come to terms with the loss of her loved one and is trying to adapt to a new life.

Mumtaz who is an acquaintance of mine, told me once about an incident that happened with her grandmother. One day when she was walking past her grandmother, she noticed that she looked very disturbed. Mumtaz then went on to ask her what was bothering her. .

She replied, “Oh well, who cares anyway. It’s not like anyone bothers to take me seriously any longer. I wish that I had people to talk to, but no one seems to be interested”,

She said that no one pays much attention to her any longer, and since the death of her husband she gets very lonely.

Mumtaz’s grandmother has since passed away. It is clearly evident that one of the main challenges that face the elderly is loneliness; it seems to be one of the major difficulties that the elderly have to endure during Ramadan in particular.

Reaching Out

In Johannesburg, the city where I live, the circumstances seem to be better. Most of the elderly are fortunate enough to still have a fairly good family life. The situation may differ across other parts of the country. 

There is a large number of elderly people who experience lots of personal difficulties in their daily life, especially during the month of Ramadan. This is why we should make a concerted effort to reach out to the elderly. They have financial difficulties and are forced to spend this blessed month alone.                                                                   

It doesn’t take much at all! All we need is to open up our hearts and to try and spend time with them,, lend  a listening ear, and to just be there for them . All of theses things would genuinely change someone’s life.

It is also a great chance for all of us to earn thawabs (get rewarded), especially in the month of Ramadan, as the rewards are increased. It holds great benefits for both parties.

Prophet Muhammed  (peace and blessings be upon him) stated:

“Those who do not show mercy to our young ones and do not realise the right of our elders are not from us." [‘Abu Dawud 41 # 4925]

In the cycle of life, youth and old age are only a matter of time, for one who is young, must surely grow old one day. And think over this verse in the holy Qur’an in where Almighty Allah says as translated:

“Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And, out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say: "My Lord! bestow on them thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood." [Ar-Araf 17:23-24]

The holy Qur’an emphasizes that we should care for our parents, especially in their old age. There are many elderly people who don’t have any one to carry out this obligation, so we as the youth should take it upon ourselves to do so. We should dedicate a part of our lives towards easing the difficulties of the elderly, not just in the blessed month of Ramadan, but throughout our lives.

Tasneem Moolla is studying tourism management at the University of South Africa. She has a great interest in reading and writing. She is also interested in learning about various cultures and people's lifestyles all over the world. She is a part-time, voluntary nasheed singer who performs at various Islamic functions. She can be reached through youth_campaign@iolteam.com