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"Making love doesn't just help you feel good. It also burns calories, boosts your immune system – and can even reduce the risk of cancer." |
Sex in married life has been openly recommended in the Qur'an. If you do an Internet search on "women, sex and Islam" you will find plenty of articles that quote helpful Hadith and talk more about what is permitted in Islam. However, you will not find a lot of information on how to take care of your sexual health.
What happens when it is difficult or impossible to have intercourse with your husband? What does one do then? Women can experience a number of issues in this area.
In fact, new research reported in the November 2008 issue of Obstetrics & Gynecology shows that 40% of women report sexual problems. Of these 39% reported diminished desire, 26% problems with arousal, and 21% problems with achieving orgasm. (Ingrid)
In general the most common problems related to sexual dysfunction in women include:
Inhibited Sexual Desire
This is defined as a lack of sexual desire or interest in sex. There are many physical and/or medical conditions that can cause this and other problems such as diabetes, heart disease, neurological disease, hormonal imbalance, menopause, chronic diseases, liver or kidney problems, alcoholism and drug abuse.
In addition, certain medications, including some antidepressants, can affect sexual desire and function. There are also many psychological causes for sexual problems such as work-related stress and anxiety, concern over sexual performance, marital problems, depression, guilt, and past sexual trauma.
To overcome this, a woman must first consider and try to heal the underlying cause. Beyond this, women can use diet, essential oils, and herbs to increase their sexual desire.
Make sure your diet is low in caffeine, sugar and starch and eat small, frequent meals instead of large ones. Aphrodisiac foods include almonds, asparagus, arugula, avocado, bananas, chocolate, carrots, figs, oysters, pineapple, pine nuts, raspberries, and strawberries.
Some herbs can be used to increase sexual desire such as anise, basil, coriander, fennel, garlic, nutmeg, ginger and vanilla. To benefit from these herbs use them in cooking or as teas. Two essential oils that increase sexual desire are ylang-ylang and sandalwood.
Inability to Become Aroused
This is defined as a lack of ability to become physically prepared for the act of intercourse itself. This often involves a lack of vaginal lubrication.
A common reason for this is lack of foreplay. The Qur'an and Hadith state that the primary reason for sex is for procreation. Perhaps because of this emphasis, it is often assumed that foreplay is not a required part of intercourse. However, there are also many verses and Hadith that indicate otherwise.
The amount of foreplay needed for each woman varies from five to thirty minutes and can also depend on how much stress a woman has experienced during the day. If you have had a stressful day, it can help to take a warm bath or relax in some way before approaching your husband. Reflexology treatments or massages are also good ways to begin the evening.
If stress is keeping you from fully relaxing, herbal teas and essential oils can help. You can rub these oils on your feet, temples, abdomen, arms or legs. However, essential oils should not be rubbed on private parts of the body.
To make a relaxing massage oil, add three drops of lavender, ylang-ylang, rose, sandalwood, chamomile, or neroli to one tablespoon of massage oil or olive oil. To make a relaxing tea, add one teaspoon of chamomile, passionflower, skullcap, peppermint, lavender, or rose petals to one cup of boiling water. Let the herbs steep for fifteen minutes, strain and add honey.
Dong quai and motherwort teas (taken for a week) increase vaginal lubrication. There are also some topical herbs that can help. Vitamin E can be applied three times a week to the vaginal area. Pure aloe vera is also a good lubricant that has the additional benefit of inhibiting yeast infections. However, these lubricants can also affect latex and make condoms more prone to tearing, so be cautious if you do not want to become pregnant.
Last, but not least, do not forget to drink adequate water. Slight dehydration is a leading cause of vaginal dryness, especially in warm or dry climates. To ensure proper hydration make sure you have at least six to eight glasses of water each day.
Lack of Orgasm (anorgasmia)
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| The amount of foreplay needed for each woman varies and can also depend on how much stress a woman has experienced. |
This is the absence of sexual climax (orgasm). In this area women have a different problem than men because women can actually choose not to orgasm if they would prefer not to from time to time. This can also be a choice for men; however it is usually more difficult. While it is not required to have a climax during each act of intercourse, an ongoing absence of climax indicates a problem.
If sufficient desire and ability do not help this issue, it could indicate that the problem could be caused simply by inhibition or lack of knowledge on the topic. Women are often shy about talking about the topic of orgasm; however, it is an important topic that needs to be discussed among women.
At the time of the Prophet Muhammad (blessings and peace be upon him), the Sahaabah (companions) were not too shy to ask about all affairs, including sexual matters, so as to know the teachings of Islam in these matters. As Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her), the wife of the Prophet testified, "Blessed are the women of the Ansar (the original citizens of Madina). Shyness did not stand in their way of seeking knowledge about their religion." (Bukhari & Muslim)
As sex is an integral part of the marriage act in Islam, it is required of all women to know what they can about the health and maintenance of this area of their marriage. Knowing what an orgasm is, how it feels and how other women achieve it can help. If a woman does not have a friend or family member she can talk to about these intimate affairs, she should seek out a female counselor or information online.
Painful Intercourse
Pain during intercourse can be caused by a number of problems, including endometriosis, a pelvic mass, ovarian cysts, vaginitis, poor lubrication, scar tissue from surgery or a sexually transmitted disease. I had one client who was torn during the delivery of her baby. The doctor stitched her up tight to "help" the husband but in the process created such a painful situation that she could not have intercourse for over a year.
To cut down on pain during intercourse, the source must be dealt with. If the source is surgical scars then pure aloe vera can be applied daily to provide healing, soothing and extra vaginal lubrication. If endometriosis or a pelvic mass is the cause then essential oils applied to the abdomen can help. It can also be useful to try different sexual positions to find one that is the least painful for the woman until she heals. To ease pain caused by endometriosis, cysts or masses you can apply essential oils of grapefruit, cypress, geranium or rose to the abdominal area (following the previously cited formula).
Sources:
Buschke, A. and Jacobsohn, F. "Sex Habits: A Vital Factor in Well-Being" New York: Emerson Books. 1933. 204 p.
Nygaard, Ingrid. "Sexual Dysfunction Prevalence Rates: Marketing or Real?" Obstetrics & Gynecology. November 2008. Volume 112, Issue 5, pp 968-969.
"Understanding Sexuality." AARP.org. 1 Jan 2007. Accessed 6 June 2009.
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