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By Dalia El-Shimi
I would like to write in a way that you are not used to seeing on IslamOnline.net (IOL). I will not use arranged scientific words. Instead, I will share with you a personal, human experience through my participation in a mission as a member of IOL's delegation sent to Lebanon in an attempt to offer psychological support to our brothers and sisters.
Emotional Support
It all began during the Israeli war on Lebanon, discussions took place among the Egyptians about how we could help our Lebanese brothers and sisters in their war against the Zionists. Some saw it a religious obligation to defend the Lebanese and to have a role as an Arab people. Others saw it as a political necessity because an Israeli war on Lebanon will not stop there but will be part of the Israeli plan to threaten the rest of the Arab countries and cross their borders.
Some called on the government to allow the youth to go to Lebanon as the only way to help our brothers and sisters there. As this was impossible, it was deemed that there was nothing that could be done; we stood with our hands tied. So, the Arab regimes and governments were criticized instead. It was here when the problem that I call "this or nothing" appeared. It refers to the people who have the viewpoint that military struggle is the only way to help; if we cannot do that, then we cannot do anything.
However, new ideas started appearing lately, maybe as a result of the war on Lebanon — ideas that transcend the sphere of "this or nothing" mentality. We suggested some ways to help, besides the donations of money and food supplies. For example, Dr. Ahmed Abdullah, a psychiatrist, suggested that every person sends an e-mail message to a peer. So, a mother can send a message to a Lebanese mother and an Egyptian child can send one to a Lebanese child, and so on.
I suggested that we send short messages to the Lebanese people by writing the international code for Lebanon plus any six numbers so that the messages reach random cell phone and carry the prayers of Egyptians and their good-hearted words, which would make the Lebanese people feel that we are by their side.
Although very simple, this method was a way to give moral support using the few available means.
Gratitude
Now, after I traveled with the IOL team for psychological support, it is of honesty that I should tell you the impact of this on the Lebanese people. I met some Lebanese people who expressed their gratitude to these messages, saying that they were like a push for them and made them feel that their grievance was shared with their Arab brothers. One lady told IOL, "These messages comforted me like a cold water on my heart."
The message that she received said,
I am Egyptian. I pray for you in your absence. O Allah alleviate our grievance and grant victory to our Iraqi and Lebanese brothers and relieve all our Arab countries. Amen.
During the days of training, we met the local governor of the city of Sour (Tyre), Abdel Mohsen, who expressed his gratitude to these supporting messages. He said,
You stood by our side before we stood by each others' sides.
I thought it a duty to deliver to the Egyptian youth the message of how effective this simple action was for our Lebanese brothers. It is also a chance to start a discussion about the "this or nothing" issue. There are always options and alternatives. What really matters is not to stand in a limbo, silent and paralyzed. Positive actions begin with saying du`aa' and end with being proactive. What falls in between is acceptable and commendable, but what matters is positivity. I hope we continue.
United Lebanese
In the past, my idea about Lebanon was like that of many Egyptians and Arabs: a beautiful country whose people live a luxurious life like that of the beautiful, elegant artists we see, and also a country plagued by sectarianism and whose sects do not agree. My visit took place after the ceasefire, and there I saw what I neither expected nor imagined. If I had not seen it, I would have never believed it.
I found young people — boys and girls — who carried the burden of their country and were immersed in it. We started to train young volunteers from all sects for relief work and they never hesitated in fulfilling their duty. They told of their experiences and how they saw the war as one round in which they were victorious and united. They spoke of how they did their best, put in all their effort and time, and left their families.
Some of them told us that they never went to their family homes throughout the war. They worked like an organized beehive ruled by a sincere desire to take an active part. They decided that the war on Lebanon is a war against each one of them regardless of their religious affiliations. So, they decided to unite, refused separation and disunity, and insisted to put aside the basic question that would be asked in any discussion among Lebanese before the war: Are you Sunni or Shiite?
This made no difference in giving aid or anything else. Personally, I was happy and felt tranquil about that. Then I prayed (and I ask you to pray with me too) that Allah may keep this blessing of unity and fraternity in Lebanon and that it remains a Lebanese characteristic even after the war.
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Palestinian Brothers
When the tour of the team for psychological support was arranged, it had had one target: to cover all areas and deal with all the sectors of the Lebanese society (Sunnis, Shiites, communists, and others, as well as the Palestinian refugees). It was the first time for me to enter into a refugee camp. We first visited Burj Al-Barajneh camp, [a camp where displaced Nahr Al Bared refugees fled to in Lebanon], and I was very excited and anxious:
What about their enthusiastic spirit, which is the main characteristic of the Palestinians, outside their homeland?
Are these camps supported by the humanitarian organizations that one sees here and there?
Do these camps offer the basics of a normal life?
Then, it was time to meet the Palestinians in Burj Al-Barajneh. After we entered the place, we crossed its streets until we reached the agreed place for the meeting. As the regulations of the team's mission did not allow cars in the camps, we walked for 10 minutes to reach the meeting place. The 10 minutes seemed like 10 years, during which my companions and I looked for any indication of a dignified human life, any proof that those human rights organizations gathered around these people, any evidence of support that confirms the reports on the good conditions of Palestinian refugees in the Arab camps, any proof that they are treated like one part of the united Arab body.
The alleys between houses would not take a human body of normal width. To cross one of these alleys, one would have to walk sideways. Electric wires ran among the houses, and if one is more than 160 centimeters tall, he or she will have to raise these wires up to pass safely. In crossing the alleys, one has to be alert, for 1 minute of absentmindedness as one watches the deteriorated conditions or grieves over the tragedy of the inhabitants can cause one to fall in a hole or from a height.
Despite my happiness for the visit and my gratitude to Samar Dwedar, former head of IOL's Society Department (Arabic), for arranging for this much-needed day, seeing all this was hard for me. Actually, it was the hardest day ever for me. I thought it would be me who probably needs psychological support rather than to train others how to give it.
Palestinians who live under such bleak circumstances seemed to us desperate in all ways. We had an image of those forced to immigrate. Their identity does not enable them to do anything. They are always asking for their rights, but in vain. But I could see another face to these people. Instead of complaining, resorting to isolation, focusing on their personal plight, cursing the Arab countries that did not provide them with the most basic rights, or succumbing to this victim mentality, the Palestinian refuges turned into helpers and supporters during the war on Lebanon.
Some Lebanese people moved to the camps where the Palestinians supported them. This was normal to the Palestinian refugees because they had suffered the same, gotten used to it, and maybe had mechanisms (that surpass all we have studied) to deal with it to overcome the pain and to cope with the new situation. The Palestinian refugees were a practical example for the Lebanese.
A Lebanese lady told me that she felt much better when she sat with a Palestinian woman because the latter had experienced the same conditions and sympathy was there. In that sense, the Palestinians played a role in the war on Lebanon, just like the rest of the members of the Lebanese society.
I, personally, learned a lot and came to believe that there is not one face to reality. Reality always has various faces, and we may make use of the positive side and emphasize it.
Due Thanks
As I was waiting for the plane to take off toward Cairo, I felt that I did what Almighty Allah had helped me to do as a member of a team. It was a grace from Almighty Allah that I spent 2 weeks there, which was an advantage that other colleagues did not get as they stayed only for 1 week.
The quiet moments of waiting before the takeoff allow for thoughts that otherwise find no space in the middle of daily preoccupations. One thought incessantly flickered in my mind — a thought that never occurred before or maybe I was not attentive to it.
The thought that came to my mind was one of thankfulness — yes, thankfulness. I have learned from my family that gratefulness is one of the important values in a person's life that one must be raised with. We have learned from our religious culture words and prayers by which we thank Allah for His graces, though He, Almighty and All-Potent, is in no need of these words. They purify us and make us among the thankful, who deserve His grace.
But some cultures have developed a tendency that makes people reject words of gratitude and eye them with suspicion. Some see them as a form of hypocrisy or exchange of material interests. Some even go so far as to say that they have no origin in religion and that thankfulness is due to Allah alone. Words of gratitude have a good effect on the soul. When we thank someone, we thank them in consideration of their being a tool that Allah employed.
I want to thank IOL, the organization and its individuals. I want to thank each person in the organization who did his or her best to remove all hindrances in order for this dream to come true. Some left their kids and some did jobs that are far from their job descriptions; no one asked what the limits of their job were.
I remember Dwedar — whom I knew since the beginning of the journey to Lebanon — working as a secretary, organizing schedules, waking us up, and checking with us before making an appointment or postponing it. I remember her a tour guide who knew Lebanon and would point to every place we passed by to explain what it is, and much more.
I remember also Kawthar El-Khooly, then editor of the Family Affairs page of the IOL Society Department (Arabic). I found the same character in her, as if they all had a pact with Allah to do all they can to succeed in this mission. She used to be very embarrassed if she had to wake us up early to catch an appointment, to have a meeting, or to set our duties for the day. She used to be just as careful and enthusiastic as a blaze from which everyone took a fair share.
Then comes the role of the counselors whom I enjoyed being with, as I never had the chance to meet one before. I sat with each one of them, and I saw many great sides of them.
*Dalia El-Shimi is a visiting professor at the Department of Psychology, Ain Shams University, Cairo. She is specialized in skills development and early involvement for child behavior and works at Al-Galaa' hospital, Egypt. She is also a trainer for psychological measurement and behavioral adaptation at the Center for Child Studies, Ain Shams University. She was part of the IOL team for psychological support that traveled on a mission to Lebanon after the July 2006 war. She can be reached at adam@iolteam.com.
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