Title: Tony Blair: The Wilderness Years
Author: Ian Duncan Smith
Publisher: Book Surge
Year: 2006
Genre: Fiction/Satire
Number of Pages: 335
"I know God is with me. He gave his only son to the world, and like me, Jesus struggled. But hey, I was born to like, lead the country ya'. I was put on this Earth to lead. I feel God is strengthening my very bones for even greater leadership, and he's testing me..." (Tony Blair: The Wilderness Years, 9).
Does Tony "Bono" Blair suffer from multiple personality disorder, or is he really a Texan posing as the British prime minister? Well, you would not be mistaken in thinking so after reading Tony Blair: The Wilderness Years by Ian Duncan Smith. After reading the book, not only does one realize that British humor is still alive and kicking, but one is also amazed at the freedom with which the author pokes fun at prominent leaders without fear of reprisal. I wonder if the Americans can come up with a similar book on their current president, George Bush, without being accused of being unpatriotic or being sued for libel. Even Michael Moore's work and films pale in comparison to this book, which I hope will be made into a rollicking, fun movie.
One has to commend the author on the thought he has placed in naming everything. The dedication is hilarious as are the chapter titles. Even places are cleverly named. Blair always stays in Hotel Machiavellian! Satire oozes from all the pages, which keeps you engaged and grinning from ear to ear.
In this novel, Blair seems to think he is a superhero, an American ruling Britain, James Bond, and God's gift to mankind all rolled into one. But he is unable to even get political philosophy straight — he thinks he heads the New Labour Party though all his favorite people and political heroes are from the UK Conservative Party and the US Republican Party. Naturally, he is confused and thinks work is beneath him, though he heads the Labour Party. He cannot even help an old woman on a train and provides excuses like "even superheroes make mistakes" to convince himself and others that he is one.
The character Blair also seems to think he hasa direct telephone line to God and that God talks through him to the people on earth. Blair also considers former British prime minister and opposition party leader Margaret Thatcher a god. The author effectively suggests that Blair is the Labour Party's own enemy, portraying him as an untrustworthy and unreliable figure conspiring with Conservative Party leaders.
Is Blair American?
The author has taken a dig at Blair's obsession with all things American and his inability to stand up to George Bush, which angered Britons and caused Blair's popularity to plummet. In the book, the real Blair is actually trying to retain his construction job while a fake one is running the country. Blair appears to have actually morphed into George Bush. He wears a baseball cap and is always looking for McDonald's or Burger King instead of eating fish and chips, and keeps using American lingo like "kinda," and "drift." He speaks with a Texan accent and constantly refers to holograms, I-pods, Star Wars, and likes to say "hasta la vista, baby!" instead of "goodbye."
Blair's grand vision for the future of Britain is to Americanize it, as he explicitly states to anyone who is willing to listen. Since no one is willing to give him the time of day, Blair has to talk to himself or to his only constant and reliable companion, his soft-toy named Mr. Nixon. His style of speech, his lack of scruples, and his so-called vision make you wonder if Blair is actually planning to run for the American presidency, which is not really a bad idea considering Americans like him more than the British and prefer him to Bush.
Blair as Bond
Tony "Bono" Blair is the protagonist who has lost power and leadership of the Labour Party, though most of the time he seems to think he is James Bond. He introduces himself in Bond-style: "I'm Blair, Tony Blair." However, his Bond girls or at least the ones he finds attractive, all look like Margaret Thatcher, who is his ideal woman of sorts! He adores Maggie Thatcher and has her on his mobile though he does not think it right to call her when he is in trouble. On the other hand, maybe Maggie is like "M," the boss to whom Bond reports, but whom he never asks for help. This is where Blair's resemblance with Bond ends. Perhaps, being fond of James Bond, the author found it painful to continue comparing Blair with Bond.
In Smith's novel, Blair is portrayed as stupid. His wife has divorced him and taken the children with her, and he cannot hold down a job and cannot understand anything even if it stares him in the face. Unable to get work in England, he goes to work in Scotland, assuming he has been hired to head the company as the CEO, only to later find out that he is just a lab rat who is put in charge of inspecting and testing the runway at an airport.
Blair and Iraq
How can any book on Blair be complete without Blair's decision to go along with the US government's decision to participate in Gulf War 2? So, naturally, we have references to Saddam who is called Saddo. Blair states why he invaded Iraq in a chapter titled "I Come in Peace." He says, "The last person to make me angry was Saddo. He called me a Gromit, a cartoon dog, and then I stormed his palace, took down his photos of himself, and put mine up. That showed him" (22). Later in the book, a whole chapter is devoted to hazardous chemicals, demands for photographic evidence that such weapons have been destroyed, and mention of UN inspectors — obvious references to the Iraq war. Blair is also always thinking of oil and the business of oil, which is not surprising considering Blair's affinity to British Petroleum has earned the company the name of "Blair Petroleum." One of the characters in the novel is Donald Ferguson, who acts and talks like Donald Rumsfeld.
Blair the Spiritual
Smith's Blair considers himself to be religious when it suits him. The only religious belief he holds is that he considers himself God's gift to mankind but, truth be told, he doesn't really like religious people of any faith. At times, you feel Blair is stuck in a world similar to the Matrix, except he does not know anything about computers, there is no hi-tech training session, and there are no phones ringing. An old woman, Mrs. Harris, sounds like a cross between the Oracle in Matrix and a religious fanatic popping up in the most unlikely of places to talk to, support, or advise Blair.
Tony "Bono" Blair does not have scruples and seems to think that anything he does for himself is for Britain and, of course, the whole world. Well, not too far removed from the Blair currently occupying 10 Downing Street. All in all, Tony Blair: The Wilderness Years is a clever and wickedly funny read.
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