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So what should you do when you and your pal aren’t talking anymore?
You may have fallen out over something really silly, but now neither of you will make the first move towards patching things up. Although whatever happened felt like the right thing to do at the time, now it just feels silly, but you still don’t want to take the first step to make up.
Tune up! Get your priorities straight and take action.
You need to weigh up what’s more important to you, your pride (which is stopping you from phoning your pal) or your friendship! If you really can't back down over this, you may need to accept that this friendship has run its course and it's time to move on. However, if you still value being mates pick up the phone and give him or her a call. If you want this friendship to go any further, which I know you'd prefer, one of you needs to get the ball rolling, so get dialing and he or she will really appreciate it and you'll soon be mates once more in shaa' Allah. Friendships can be a real roller coaster at times! So whatever stage your crash is at, make sure the highs outnumber the lows!
I'll never forget what my mom told me and still reminds me of, "Always keep your friends close but your enemies closer" because your worst enemy may turn out to be your best friend and your best friend your worst enemy! And I promise you that is so true.
Don’t forget that having a best friend doesn’t mean that you have to fill him or her in on every little secret you have. You can keep secrets to yourself if you want, or write them down in a diary. But if your friend does tell you a secret it's because he or she truly trusts you, and remember it's meant only for you to know, not others. Allah says in the Quran:
[And keep the covenant Lo! Of the covenant it will be asked.] (Al-Israa' 17:34)
Oh yes, and most importantly, being friends with the opposite sex may be common but we all know that can never be! You're going to end up, if not now then somewhere down the line, with feelings for him or her. It is a normal feeling put in you. Allah Almighty says in His holy book the Quran:
[Beautified for a man is the love of things they covet (want); woman, children, amassing of wealth in gold and silver, braded horses, cattle and well-tilled land. This is the pleasure of the present worlds life but Allah has the excellent return with him.] (AaL-'Imran 3:14)
Allah Almighty also says in The Holy Quran:
[And come not close to unlawful sex, verily it is a shameful and indecent way] (Al-Israa' 17:32)
Useful tips: strengthening a friendship and making it last a lifetime
1. Remember a friendship is a partnership; you have to give as well as take. When you settle down for that girls or guys night out remember to ask your friend how he or she is instead of just thinking about yourself. You’ll almost always find that he or she has some issue worrying them.
2. Make sure your friendship moves with the times. If late nights out aren’t possible because, for example, his or her parent’s rules, focus on the common ground you still have: like daytime shopping sprees or get-togethers.
3. Try not to take friends for granted. Even if you’re swept up with a new friend or busy with a job, put a note in your diary or a reminder on your mobile every fortnight to call close friends to catch up, even if it’s just for 10 minutes. Even such small amounts of contact are valuable.
4. Keeping in touch with old friends is very rewarding; catching up allows you to see how far you’ve come in life and gives your common roots a strong basis for friendship. Make contact through Web sites such as Friends Reunited or School Reunions.
5. One of the most important ingredients of a good friendship is forgiveness. Whenever there is a problem try to forgive, forget, and just move on. No one is perfect and we learn through our mistakes, so forget the bad times and remember the good ones. Allah Almighty says in the Quran:
[Verily, whosoever shows patience and forgives, that would truly be from the things recommended by Allah.] (Ash-Shura 42:43)
And I know for sure that no matter how angry I might be with my friends or they with me, if any of us ever needs a shoulder to cry on or any sort of help, we’d be there, no matter what. I try not to do to others what I wouldn’t want others to do to me, because I know that what goes around comes around and what you sow you shall plow.
So I’ll conclude now by saying that even though I’ve been through bad times and good times with my friends, I’ve never closed my research, I still buy books and magazines or ask for advice about friendships, because no matter how long you’ve been friends or how old you are, you still might fall into a problem with a friend, and you might end up needing a friend.
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