I Have Failed – What now?

In my school a lot of girls wear hijab and some of them pray but they have boyfriends and use bad language and even the girls I made friends with I found they do the same kinds of things. This is my first year in this school and even though we are Muslims I couldn't find a place where I fit in. This made me feel left out and a bit lonely because I want to do the things that Allah loves.

Thanks to Allah I can talk to my mum and she supports me and tries to tell me things to help me understand how to cope.

The girls started to say that I am boring and even spread rumors about me. Mum said my problem is that I go quiet and don’t stand up for myself and this lets the people think whatever they like, even though they might be wrong.

At first I kept quiet and let them talk them I'd go somewhere and cry. I know it sounds like I'm chicken hearted but I really didn’t feel I had the strength inside to do anything else.

Well things got worse and I found I couldn't study. And then I failed a subject and I felt like I'd crashed. Mum tried for a long time to get me to talk and in the end I told her. She simply told me, "Well dear, it's either sink or swim." I was a bit shocked because I expected her to be more, I don't know, different in her response. I asked her what she meant and she told me that it was my life and no one can live my life for me and that things like this happen all the time and I have to get over it and get moving. She also told me that if I fail I will make those nasty girls very happy.

So I decided to try to do something. I made myself a small poster to put on my wall. On this poster I wrote down the things I have to be careful of. Things like: don't be negative; when I'm upset, talk; study each subject everyday and seek help for things I don't understand well…. The list was a bit long and I also wrote things I wanted to remember if I feel down again. Things like 'Life is sink or swim,' and 'stand up for yourself.'

So now, most of the time I follow the agreement I made with myself and I realize that if I don’t study, I won't pass. I also realize that there will always be people who hurt us but I must just focus on being a person who doesn't hurt others and the effect of this will be that good people will be attracted to me. (That's what my mum said anyway.) I also try to defend myself if people say something untrue or nasty. I try not to be nasty back but I try to find the words to explain things. I'm getting better at that.

So now I don't feel so much like I failed. I feel that I have learned something valuable and so it was worth all the difficulty. I learned that people can feel alienated for a variety of reasons but that the answer to the problem lies within – we each have special circumstances and a special personality – and we should never give up.

Nina is fourteen years old and lives in a Muslim populated country.