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Session Details
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| Guest Name |
The Da`iyah, Zienab Mostafa
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| Profession |
A prominent Muslim Scholar and Da`iyah
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| Subject |
On Women Issues
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| Date |
Thursday,Nov 5 ,2009
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Time |
Makkah
From...
13:45...To...
15:30
GMT
From... 10:45...To...12:30
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| Name |
A.
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| Profession |
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| Question |
Assalamu Alaikum,
As a working woman, I come in contact with men all the time. Often contact is quite close and people, including men, touch me, sometimes on the shoulders. This takes place as a way of enthusiasm with me. Is this wrong?
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| Answer |
Wa`alaykum As-Salaamu Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
I commend you for taking part in social life by devoting your skills for the social wellbeing of the society. As a working woman, Islam teaches that a woman adheres to principles and teachings of social interaction, especially when it comes to dealing with men. Physical contact, even touching on the shoulders, is unacceptable, and therefore it is your responsibility to explain gently your concerns to your colleagues so that they observe them.
Allah Almighty knows best.
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| Name |
hana
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| Question |
Assalamu Alaikum,
I am a 34 year old woman and not married yet. The issue of marriage is becoming really confusing to me and I need your advice. I believe that marriage is a Qadar (predestined), either the person will get married or not, to whom will he/she be married to and when. However, my mom tells me that I have to show up in all social events so that guys see me and I have to live in an Arabic country because there is higher chances of finding guys there and someone might introduce me to a guy. What should I do? Should I wait and see what Allah has decreed for me living in any part of the world or go to an Arabic country and attend social gatherings so that people see me and introduce me to someone?
Jazakoum Allah Khayran
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| Answer |
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
It is true that marriage is part of Allah’s Qadar. However, we ought to take all means possible to achieve our goals. That is why we are responsible for our actions and we will be held accountable on the Day of Judgment.
Social interaction where you still abide by the rules of Islam is one way of seeking marriage in the lawful ways. That could be in Islamic events, volunteering, assisting in youth or mosque activities, etc. You should try to be in more Islamic gatherings.
In addition, through your social network or friends and family members you can ask to be introduced to whoever interested. There is no harm even if a woman introduces herself to a man as the Mother of all the Believers, Khadijah, may Allah be pleased with her, did with the Prophet (peace be upon him). I am not asking you to do the same, but I just explaining that it is not a shame, and taking lawful means to get married should not be a ground for embarrassment.
As for going to an Arab country, it is not a bad idea, but it is your choice that you will have to make. I ask Allah to make things easy for you.
Allah Almighty knows best.
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| Name |
Fatma
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| Question |
Assalamu Alaikum,
My question is the following: Are we allowed to ask Allah in our du`a to take someone away from our lives? The person in question is my "husband", and he neither provides for us nor treats me and his children in an appropriate way. He abuses me mentally and threats me that if I seek for a divorce, I wouldn't see my children ever again. He does nothing for our children, neither pay for their clothing nor live with us, living with another woman, whom he married for money issues. In this situation and saying also that I am completely alone in the country where I live (Germany), having my family in my origin country and no one that could help me in this situation. I often turn to Allah in my du`a asking Him to take this man out of my life, since he is only a burden. He is neither a good husband nor a good father, even sometimes (may Allah forgive me if this is a sin) I wish for him to be dead so that I could free myself from this weight and carry on with my children as I do now, only without his threatens and bad treats.
Only wish to add that I am reverted to Islam, and when I married this man, I didn't know a lot about him, not knowing his bad character. Since we made our nikah, he never lived with us, nor provided for us. I live from social assistance from the country we live in. He acts like a tyranny, not able to see any mistakes in his behavior. He always pushing me down, criticizing me all the time and being unthankful for the fact that I swallow everything he does (and not does) and that I take care of the children in the best way I can and without any support from his side. In this situation, can I ask Allah to take this man out of my life? Does Allah accept such a du`a, in sha Allah?
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| Answer |
Wa`alaykum As-Salaamu Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
I am sorry to hear about your pains and problems. I pray to Allah to take away the sources of your discomfort.
Islam teaches us to have pure hearts. Holding grudge or cursing people in supplication are against the manners and teachings of Islam. Therefore, you are not allowed to make such du’a’ nor are you allowed to hold such grudge.
Having said that, I advise you to take all the means possible to take him away from your life. If you already live on social assistance, and he is not caring or providing, then you may seek divorce in the legal way. You may file for divorce and claim custody of your children. This way you can be freed and not hold grudge.
Allah Almighty knows best.
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| Name |
huda
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| Profession |
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| Question |
Assalamu Alaikum,
I am a Muslim married girl. My father is married to 2 women. I am is a child of the 2nd woman. My father is always dealing with us as if it is a professional way of dealing. Due to my mother's goodness, we could able to study and start working. When we start working, our father demanded for money and always deal in bad way with his daughters and try to make misunderstanding with their husbands so that our husbands leave us and we live with him and pay him our earnings. My mother is tolerating as she is scared of my dad leaving her and be with the other wife. My father already has a lot of properties and he does not give anything to anyone of his daughters. In fact, he is mentioning this to another woman and asking her to marry him and then he will gift her with his property if she does so. My father always thinks about money and treats us badly, especially when some of his relatives come to our house. We are very good to him and still doesn't complaint to him in bad manner, but now its getting too much. Please, tell us how to control this situation.
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Wa`alaykum As-Salaamu Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
I commend you for your patience and toleration for the offences you mentioned in your question. I also commend you for your interest to keep a healthy family.
I advise you to look after your own household. You should take of your husband and try not to upset him nor let anyone else do this. If you have already known this about your dad, so try not to destroy your marriage. Your dad still deserves your kindness, care and benevolence, but to do so you have to strike a balance. You should try to minimize his contact with you and your husband. You should visit him from time to time, gift him from time to time and ask frequently about him.
Allah Almighty knows best.
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| Name |
muslima
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| Question |
Assalamu Alaikum,
I have question about marriage. I got engaged more than two years ago but I could not get married because one of my cousins who called my fiancé's parent and told him that I was engaged with him, which is not true, and threatened him. Prior to this instance, my cousin also intervened and threatened the family where I was getting engaged and the engagement ended as well. Later on, my fiancé's dad put a condition that unless my cousin and his family agree to the marriage, it will not take place.
My fiancé wants to marry me but he thinks that unless his father agrees the marriage can't take place. By each day passes, we are getting closer and we fear we may commit zina. We are getting old and I suggested to my fiancé we should marry in secret which my parents approve of (and in their presence).Both our families have done istikhara and have seen positive dreams. Both I and my fiancé don't want to marry elsewhere. We both just want to get married soon, as we don't want to persist in sins. I don't think that I can find a better guy than him as he has both good character and is religious. So I need your guidance on the issue if we marry in secret. Considering our situation, is it permissible?
Jazaka Allah khair
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| Answer |
Wa`alaykum As-Salaamu Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
Even if you were engaged to your cousin, this does not prevent you from marrying another person, as engagement is just a promise of marriage.
What you agreed to do, as a protection from your cousin’s threats, does not qualify the marriage as “secret” in the juristic sense. So, as long as your parents and his parents are aware, and they approve of the marriage, and there are two just witnesses, then you may go ahead with your marriage.
Allah Almighty knows best.
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| Name |
Muslimah
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| Question |
Assalamu Alaikum,
May I shave my eyebrows? May I color the lower part of them yellow, so it would seem that the eyebrows are plucked, without actual plucking?
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| Answer |
Wa`alaykum As-Salaamu Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
As for shaving eyebrows, it is strictly forbidden based on an authentic Hadith narrated by Al-Bukhari that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) has forbidden “namas” which is pluck eyebrows in order to beautify yourself.
As for coloring part of eyebrows without removing them, this is called tashqeer, and there is no harm in doing it.
Allah Almighty knows best.
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deperate muslimah
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| Question |
Assalamu Alaikum,
How can we deal with the people who refuse and judge us according to our origin? Be converted, is really difficult, being alone, without a Muslim family and moreover getting discrimination due to being 'European' and not enough good as a potential fiancée or a future wife because of the bad experience?
In the Qur'an and theory, Islam is so beautiful. In the last sermon of the Prophet (SAW) we got to know that there is no discrimination... But the reality is so different. What can I do to deserve a chance to marry to whom I want and he want me too, but having prejudged by the family (in Tunisia)?
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Wa`alaykum As-Salaamu Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
You are right in describing Islam as a beautiful religion that upholds justice, equality and brotherhood. Some Muslims, as you said, do not live by Islam and this causes confusion with new converts. This will take time to change, and therefore we have a great role to play to bring people to Islam.
As for marriage, it is true that some Muslim families hold fast to their cultures and traditions, but if you planned to marry someone from Tunisia, then you are to show his family a character that they will feel obliged to respect. Time is part of solution; change will not happen overnight, but with patience, understanding, kindness and benevolence you can make a difference.
Allah Almighty knows best.
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wife
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| Question |
Assalamu Alaikum,
Do you know a du'a in order to my husband do not lie to me? I think he does not tell me the truth regarding another woman who is in everyday contact with him. He says that they are friends. I can't ask him directly because I am always accused of jealousy. He calls her, visits her and he even does not search me or wants to be in contact with me during these days. I am hurt extremely. I feel so down. I don't have self confidence because I feel that I fall, because he searches another one, but believe me I try to do everything exactly as he likes. Wait him in good dress, make up, smile, supper, love... I don't know what to do. Give me a du`a so that he would be honest with me.
Jazak Allah khaiaran
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| Answer |
Wa`alaykum As-Salaamu Warahmatullahi Wabarakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
I commend you for your love for your husband and for looking after yourself. You need to open up to your husband. Don’t accuse him, but rather listen to him and get the full story from him. Tell him gently about your concerns. If you are accused of jealousy, that is fine. Women, by nature, are jealous. But make sure that you don’t exaggerate in jealousy to the point that it destroys the house.
Therefore, open discussion and sharing concerns are the right way to start. Keep looking after yourself and never lose confidence. If you lost confidence you won’t be able to continue. That is why you should discuss it openly and frankly with your husband.
Allah Almighty knows best.
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Editor
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In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.
Brothers and sisters, we are so sorry for not answering all your questions because the time is over. We apologize for any inconvenience. Do keep in touch. Join us in coming sessions.
Yours,
Islam Online Fatwa Editing Desk.
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| All Fatwas published on this website (Islamonline.net) represent the juristic views and opinions of eminent scholars and Muftis. They do not necessarily form a juristic approach upheld by this website. Click here to read Full Disclaimer. |
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