The session has just started. Please feel free to join us with your questions.
After the session has ended, you can view the whole dialogue by clicking Recent Sessions, or later on Archive .
For feedback and suggestions, please e-mail us at EngLivedialogue@islamonline.net.
Yours,
Islamonline Live Dialogue Editing Desk
Name
Ruchira
- India
Profession
mom
Question
I know sister in strange matter. Husband teach child school. Mom work. Sister say husband have problem to teach and take care house. Dont know how. Can you advice how man can learn like woman job. Sister work to suport family. He must take care of house. Thank you.
Answer
Assalamu `alykum.
Your question is quite relevant in light of the fact that more and more couples are working outside the home. When this is a matter of mutual understanding, then there should be mutual cooperation. The husband must help in the house because this is what is required to maintain a just household. You must also take care that the work is divided according to what each spouse is good at. Also when it comes to financial affairs, this arrangement should be also worked out with mutual consultation.
Nagging your husband to do the housework or demanding your wife that in addition to working outside the house she should also be totally in charge of house work, is not FAIR and a potential for creating conflict.
Name
calvin
- Germany
Profession
Question
In the name of the most merciful,most gracious. hello and thank you for taking my question. i have a daughter(from a previous marriage)who is 13 yrs old. i am a muslim and my ex-wife is not. i have begun to explain to my daughter about sex and it is better to wait until one is married and not to give in to peer pressure. i also told her that she is too young to have a boyfriend and that she should concetrate on school. i read to her from the Koran about young women should dress. my question is what do i do when she is at home with her mother? her mother is against islam and i do not want my daughter to be confused and hopefully(inchallah)she(my daughter) will become a muslim. in the end i am scared that because she is not living with me, she will go down the wrong road.
Answer
It seems from your question that you do not have full custody of your daughter and she may not be practicing Muslim. A father is not the best person to talk to a 13-year old daughter about sex. Kindly be very careful in approaching this topic. If your concern is genuine, see if you can find a Muslim female whom your daughter is comfortable with and can trust with her confidence – that would be the best way to teach your daughter about such matter.
I would also strongly suggest that you be a role model for your daughter; children learn more by example than through preaching. Familiarize your daughter with Islam, with Rahma (mercy) and compassion. There are many good books and videos about Islam and Islamic civilizations that you can give her as a gift. In addition, continue to make du'a' that Allah SWT will protect and guide you and your family to the straight path.
Name
Hamida Sokar
-
Profession
Question
Sister Shahina, nice to meet you on islamonline. I just want to ask you about the problem of working parents who do not find enough time to follow up on their kids' behaviour and performance at school. Do you recommend both parents to work if they are not in difficult financial circumstances and there is no pressing need for second income?
Answer
If parents are not in need of a second income to meet their essential needs, it is advisable that the mother stays home during the formative years of the child that is up to 7 years. If the mother's income is more elaborate, then the father can choose to be the primary parent care giver. However, I strongly recommend that mothers stay home with their children rather than leave them with daycare professionals.
The mother is the first school of the child as Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) has reminded us. She is also inclined by her nature to be intuned to the needs of the child. The mother also plays a vital role in the child's development and socializing.
My daughter is in grade 12 this year. I recently figured out that she is having an affair with a non-Muslim guy from outside the country through internet chatting. She is losing interest in school, masjid and even Muslim friends, and finds herself very attached to this guy that I ask Allah to drive him away from her. She insists on marrying him. When I told her about the prohibition to marry a Muslim male, she said she would leave Islam for the sake of marrying the person she loves from the bottom of her heart. My daughter is very stubborn and she argues too much. I am very confused and disappointed. Can you help me with some tips?
Answer
With a stubborn personality it is better to approach with patience and not to be judgmental. These people on the internet know how to get to young people. It is, therefore, necessary for you to find out what is missing in your daughter's life that is spending so much time on the internet. Girls who are attracted to men like these have low self-esteem and are usually looking for someone who makes them feel important. Please express to your daughter how much you love her and that she is important to you. Insha'Allah if you keep on this course and swallow your anger, Allah SWT will help you to reach her heart.
If your daughter has access to money or if you have given her credit card or if she has trust account and she knows about it, this could be one of the reasons that this man is interested in her. However, you cannot say this to her, but you do need to protect her and your assets as well.
Your daughter is very young and impressionable, and she will not respond well to threats and any form of punishment. You must also be aware that at 18 she can go out on her own. I would advise, if possible, to send her on an extended holiday with your family; some distance between her and this man may provide you with room to counsel her.
Name
Selma kharadi
- Canada
Profession
Question
My daughter is turning 13 this year and she already reached the age of puberty. I am trying my best to convince her with hijab, but she always says her peers would make fun of her being the only Muslim in the class. Can you suggest some interesting tips for me to use? Can I force her to wear it or threaten her with something she likes?
Answer
Hijab is something that you do not force on your daughter, if by hijab you mean a scarf. Hijab in Islam is a way of being; it is how you behave and interact. If we teach our children from an early age about modesty (Haya') and moderation, the outward expression of Haya' in form of scarf and loose non-transparent clothing will come to them automatically.
If you threaten her or force her to wear the scarf, she will go to resent Islam or may pretend to wear in front of you and take it off when you are not there. She is at an age when you need to be her friend and her counsel.
Name
Khalid
-
Profession
Question
What is the best way for Muslim parents to deal with islamophobia at school? What ideas could be done to reduce this negative perception about Islam?
Answer
It is important that Muslim parents be involved in parent-teacher council and actively participate in school activities as volunteers. You may also speak to the school counselor and offer resources that provide information about Islam and Muslims. Islamic Social Services Association has a handbook for public school which is called "Handbook for Teachers: Know Faith and Culture of Muslim Students." You can order this off our website: www.issaservices.com .
You may also invite students and teachers to visit the masjid and you can also arrange fast breaking (iftar) at the school. There is a lot of material available that you can provide the school library with including video, audios and books.
Name
Zahra
-
Profession
Question
I would like to know is it is normal for a student to have trouble communicating infront of the class?
Answer
Some people are shy and nervous when speaking in a public place or in front of adults such as classrooms. This is not considered abnormal. We can help such a person by providing some training and communication. As a teacher, you can encourage the students but not force them in a position that causes them discomfort.
Name
Ashraq Simon
- Belgium
Profession
Question
How do you strike a balance between work doing homework, sports, fun time, going outside and Islamic events running regularly at the masjid? I just want to make my children more involved in so many things so that they don't have time to get distracted.
Answer
The most important thing that children need is their parents' time, attention and love. By keeping them so busy, you deprive them of your company and family bonding time. Please slow down, set your priorities and devote more time talking to your children, playing with them and teaching them from the Sunnah and Seerah of Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him). Islam is the middle path; that means in the practical sense we must give due importance to all our needs: emotional, physical, social and spiritual.
Name
Dohei
- United States
Profession
Question
I would like to apologize in advance if I am going to say something offensive to you. I am a Christian parent, and my 21 son chose to convert to Islam. I did not object to his right for religious freedom. My only objection is to his want to change his career. He has been doing excellent in his medical school, and now he wants to change his whole education and go to Egypt to learn about Islam because he thinks it is his Islamic responsibility to learn his religion even at the expense of losing his career. I have been trying to talk to him, but he would not listen to me. I am just curious about this kind of teachings he is getting, is this truly Islamic teaching? I am sorry again if this sounds offensive? What Can I do to help my son continue his education?
Answer
Islam places great emphasis on education and gaining knowledge. I have also observed that when an individual comes to Islam, they are very enthusiastic about learning the religion and the language of the Qur'an, which is Arabic. Unfortunately we do not have Islamic universities that offer these programs in North America. And that is why so many young people choose to travel abroad for this education.
In your particular case, it is a choice that your son has made and not an Islamic directive. I would advise you to reason with him in a manner which he understands as not being hostile to Islam or in anyway that you blame Islam for his choice. He can always finish his education and then pursue his religious studies. Relate to him that Islam needs well-educated and professional young people to be able to provide the best service to their faith and their community.
You could also negotiate with him that he could take one year sabbatical from school to travel to Egypt and then return back to pursue his education in medical school.
Name
Arlan
- Canada
Profession
Question
As-Salamu`alykum, Muslims, like other Canadian residents/citizens, should take their concerns to the government and not to Islamic associations in Canada...Taxes are paid for this.
Answer
Wa`alykum As-Salaamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuh.
I agree with your advice that Canadian Muslims should feel confident to approach their government with their concerns as tax-based. However, you must also realize that many Canadian Muslims are not yet politically mature nor do they know how the system works, and so they find it easier to approach an Islamic association to convey their message.
Name
Aleema khurshed
-
Profession
Question
My husband and I decided to go for home schooling this year just because we want to save my daughter from some of the evil influences surrounding us. But we are so worried about the personality of our daughter. She feels very bored at home especially that her friends are still going to school. Would you share interesting ideas on how to make home schooling more appealing to our daughter?
Answer
There is an organization of parents who do home schooling for children. You can find more information about it by doing a Google search on home schooling. If you want to only refer to Muslim parents, then please contact ISNA (Islamic Society of North America), education department; please visit their website by clicking here: ISNA
Just to share few ideas with you:
• School, in addition to being a place where we learn, is also an avenue where we learn to socialize and interact with our peers. This helps in our social development and developing relationship. It seems that your daughter is missing these elements in her home schooling. Maybe you can join with other parents in your area and try group home schooling or arrange with other Muslim parents so that your daughter can have companions to play with and make friends with.
• Field trips are good idea for you to make part of your home schooling and take other children on these trips with your daughter.
Name
Editor
-
Profession
Answer
Finally, we would like to thank Sister Shahina Siddiqui for taking the time to answer the questions of Islamonline viewers today, and we also thank all those who participated in this dialogue. We apologize for not being able to accommodate all the questions within the time allocated to this session. If you feel your question is very important, feel free to contact us at EngLivedialogue@islamonline.net and we will try our best to answer your question. We request our readers to join us in upcoming sessions.
