What are the criteria or requirements for a woman to be a role model?
Answer
Dear Sarah,
As-Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah. Thanks for your question. Unfortunately, people become role models for all sorts of reasons, not necessarily good ones, as we all know only too well. However, for the purposes of presenting Muslim women as role models, what I had in mind was the life histories and sunnat of the various female relatives and friends of the Prophet (pbuh) during his lifetime, in the aspects that he approved or at least sanctioned. For example, there seems to be controversy in some quarters about whether female Muslims appeared on the battlefield as fighters or not - which I find quite extraordinary in view of the many hadiths that confirm that they did - many of them when they were over fifty! So, anyone can be a role model, but what most Muslim women seek is examples of noble, pious amd courageous conduct in the service of Allah.
Name
Aisha
- United States
Profession
Question
What can Muslim women do to overcome some of the stereotypes that exist in the culture of many Muslim countries? It is hard for us to learn Islam due to the fact that we don't have the opportunities that the brothers have to seek knowledge. Please advise.
Answer
Dear Sr Aisha.
As-Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah. You have touched on a very important issue. I agree with you that the women of some cultures do seem to have a tough time with stereotypes and problems of education, etc. However, I feel that this is surely a matter that improves day by day, with access to books, translations of Arabic texts, and other educational facilities (such as the Internet) which can be used by women just as much as by men (assuming they can at least get out of the house!).
I am an English woman and learned Islam from scratch, without any assistance whatsoever from formal training or male scholars, etc. I did it by getting the books for myself, getting translations of key texts, and simply getting on with the job. I now find that in the UK, the women's study groups are thriving and the women are in many cases surpassing the men in their knowledge and Islamic activities. Certainly as regards general schooling, the girls seem to be beating the boys in every field - we have a problem here with our young men not being very willing to study hard at school (some of them). I never found that I had any less opportunity to study than men - but this may perhaps have been because I was a bossy white teacher, and never experienced being 'put down'. However, I do know what you mean, and just advise Muslim girls and women to keep on trying, and doing things for themselves. God bless, wasalaam, Ruyaiyyah.
Name
Laith
-
Profession
Question
Besides our mothers, who is a good role model for us today?
Answer
Dear Laith,
As-Salaamu aleikum wa Rahmatullah.
Dear sister, I'm afraid I have to point out that in many cases, our mothers are not necessarily the best role models for us to follow. Sometimes they are, of course, and then we are truly blessed. But we need to think very carefully for ourselves, and study as much as we can, and become active in doing good works in our communities as much as we can. It is more important that we work hard on becoming the good role models ourselves, for the next generation, and all those who witness what we do and how we live. I think the best role models for us today are the Muslim women who join in with the various welfare schemes and charitable works, and are seen to be actually getting involved in helping others, being brave, being hospitable, etc, etc. I was personally very impressed by some of the Muslim women who were getting to grips with rehabilitation in Bosnia, for example. I think that those who stand up in repressive regimes on behalf of the welfare and education of women are those who I most admire. God bless, wasalaam, Ruqaiyyah.
Name
Amira
- United Kingdom
Profession
Question
Who is considered to be a good role model in the public realm?
Answer
Dear Sr Amira,
As-Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah. Did you see the answer I gave to the previous questioner? That is a good start. As for giving names to those I consider to be good role models in the public realm, we are in the very early stages in the UK. Muslims have barely got themselves going in the realm of politics, management and running welfare organizations, but they are making a start. Things may be better in the USA. We now have Baroness Pola Uddin in the House of Lords, Aisha Bewley who has translated so many key texts from Arabic to English, Fatima Mernissi who has campaigned so much for women's issues and highlighted many abuses, and a vast number of young women coming up who I hope will make their mark in the near future. wasalaam, Ruqaiyyah. (Sorry this is not a particularly good answer!)
Name
Jameel
- United States
Profession
Question
My wife and I have a young daughter whom we are very concerned for. We want her to grow up slowly, the way that a child should. However, here in the States, it is very easy to get caught up in activities that are bad. What advice can you give on raising our child in an environment like this so that she can maintain her fitrah and grow up to be a role model for all people as a Muslim woman?
Answer
Dear br Jameel,
As-Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah. Thanks for your difficult question! I wonder how old your daughter is? You did not say. I'm afraid you may not like my answer, because my first response is to think that no matter what you want - e.g. you want her to grow up slowly - this is a matter that is not really in your control. She will grow at her own pace, and develop as she will, whatever you want or do not want, and there is precious little you can do about it except give her the very best example you can, and surround her with love and tolerance and good advice. The thing that 'annoys' young people most, I think, is hypocrisy, and your daughter will soon notice if you are mean or dishonest or spiteful or abusive to your wife etc, etc. The burden is on you to live the best you can, and show by your life your own love for Allah and His ways, and hope that she will latch on to this. There are dangers for kids growing up in any society, not just the USA. I grew up in the dangerous UK society and still managed to become a convert to Islam when all around were not exactly against it, but certainly not encouraging. What impressed me was the noble example I saw of various good Muslims - which has been spoilt since by seeing the dreadful example of many very poor ones. All you can do is your best - you cannot force your child, who will make her own decisions in due course. Keep praying. Wasalaam, Ruqaiyyah.
Name
Khaleel
- United Kingdom
Profession
Question
How can a Muslim woman be a good role model in today's world when the men are not good role models?
Answer
Dear Br. Khaleel,
As-Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah. There is nothing new in this problem. On the whole, I don't think women have ever waited around for men to shape up before getting on with what they want to do in life! Studying the history of the women's movement since the last century, things like Moral Rearmament and prison reform etc were largely inspired and driven by women. Whether or not a woman can be a good role model doesn't depend in any way on the behavior of men. In fact, the worse the man she is living with, the more she may learn to be a good model herself. People often learn through tough experience. On Judgement Day we will all stand alone, and not be able to blame or be excused by our folks, so therefore it is up to every individual, no matter what gender, to do their best, and hope for the best. Wasalaam, Ruqaiyyah.
Name
Samir
- United States
Profession
Question
The Islamic history is rich with examples of women that were definitely role models. However, how can we begin to practice Islam in the way that the Muslims of earlier generations did. Sometimes, I become tired of all the nastalgia from the point of view that we don't act upon what we read or hear. How can we begin to correct this?
Answer
Dear Br Samir,
As-Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah. We have to act within our own times and experiences. I take your point about all the nostalgia, but who says we don't act upon what we read or hear? Many of us do - either by choice or being pushed. It is easy enough to bury your head in the sand, but you dont have to. I think all of us should practice Islam in the way the Companions did, but this should be accompanied by humility and sound knowledge, not just rushing in like so many of today's hotheads who think they know it all, but in fact present a highly offensive sort of Islam that simply puts people off and drives them away from God. I hope you do not mean that the Muslim role models of the past were all gentle, quiet, housebound, faceless and submissive - that is not how I have read the texts. Don't forget, we always have to move with the times, and since Islam is the way of life recommended for every time and place scholars have to use analogy and consider in every instance what is the kindest and most noble thing to do in a particular situation. God bless, wasalaam, Ruqaiyyah.
Name
Muslim
- United States
Profession
Question
1. Despite the fact that the woman doesn't have much right in the 3rd world, we have seen that there was only one lady as Prime Minister in Britain and none in other western countries, while there was Bandaranika in Sri Lanka, Andera Ghandi in India, Benazir Bhutto in Pakistan and Sheikha Hussina in Bangladesh. This is on the political scene. Where are the big difference or the discrimination against women in Islam the western media is stereotyping? Are there any model Muslim women in politics?
2. One contemporary issue is how can Muslims make films or serials to reflect the morality and social system of Islam in order to help this society as well as other societies, considering the woman has an equal role to man. For example, if we want to make a film similar to the behavior of Prophet Yousuf in the palace with the king’s wife, or the people of Lout. From your perspective, how could the role of the woman be acted while still keeping the basic Islamic code of ethics? Any model Muslim women in arts?
3. We say that the woman in Islam is economically independent. She owns her wealth starting with Mahar and she can do trade, business, contracts, etc. Can she go and deal with business people alone? Or should her husband or brother be with her? To what extent can the husband interfere? In case the husband put some restriction on her movement that in effect reduces her ability to practice that financial freedom, what can she do? In your opinion, how can this be achieved and what are the limitations in her business mixing with men attending business ceremonies, travelling etc? Any model Muslim women in business?
Answer
Dear Muslim,
As-Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah. You have set me with a hard tesk. I think I will answer in reverse order. There will be many Muslim women in business, but I'm afraid I have not the knowledge to name them. In Islam, a woman is permitted every freedom as regards business and trade, so long as the business is halal - i.e. not involved with abuse, exploitation, pornography, etc. Her husband does not have the right to interfere with her business, and should not expect to be kept by her either. She may be the wage earner, and may choose to support him and her family, but in Islam the responsibility is really his. The problem is abuse - many men do not keep the rules of Islam, and their women cannot function properly due to their restrictiveness. Some of the countries have rules that make it very difficult. It is to be hoped that Islamic scholarship will improve, and abusive men be made to see that what they are doing is in effect completely contrary to Islam, and they will have to answer for it in the next world if not in this. (We might mention Afghanistan here, as a place where very devout Muslim men are abusing the real teachings of Islam).
Name
veronica
- United States
Profession
gemologist
Question
As-Salaamu Alaikum:
I have been a muslimah for 2 yrs now, Al-hamdulillah. What worries me the most is the death of my parents, knowing that Iam not allowed to be at their funeral, and in church. Is there any way for me to attend their funeral? And is my husband as a Muslim allowed to be there?
Jazakum Allahu Khairan
Answer
Dear Sr Veronica,
As-Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah. I am so sorry that you have this worry, as it is not one that I share as regards my own non-Muslim parents. When they die, I shall have no qualms whatsoever about attending their funerals, and indeed, it may fall to me to arrange them. Moreover, I attend their church with them quite often, although I quietly and without fuss do not join in with the words of the service with which I no longer agree since my conversion. It doesn't worry me, and I have also been known to do my salah on church premises, facing qiblah, when the service has ended - which I regard as a small part of my dawah. I am frequently asked to give talks at church study circles, etc.
I do not share the attitude of some Muslims that ties have to be cut with Christian relatives and friends - in fact, I think this is quite wrong, and not at all what the Prophet (SAAWS) recommended. I have been trying to think of an example of where he attended the funeral prayers of a non-Muslim and off the top of my head I can only think of his uncle and foster-father Abu Talib.
Who on earth told you you were not allowed to be there? The only thing you are not allowed to do is commit shirk - and in real life we should always try to be kind and generous and noble; this certainly does not mean upsetting our family at times of grief and funerals. Go to the funeral, but do not join in with trinitarian bits. That's my advice. As to your husband, it depends on him. If he is the sort of Muslim who would feel very uncomfortable about attending, leave him alone. If he chooses to go, to support you, I would like him all the much more for it, and appreciate him. He should support you in your grief. God bless, wasalaam, Ruqaiyyah.
Name
Jameel
- United States
Profession
Question
Jazak Allahu Khair for the great answer. By the way, my daughter is two. Also, I also accepted Islam not too long ago.
The thing that concerns me is that in the house, we watch TV and sometimes movies. We don't watch a lot, but any TV to me is too much. I grew up on it, and it is hard for me to kick the habit. I want for our children to grow up in a clean and healthy environment, but am continually struggling with my 'nuffs to not watch TV. There is so much vile programming, even in the commercials. THe problems is, I like watching some programs and get caught up having the TV on when the commercials come on. What do you advise to help me with this struggle?
Answer
Dear Br Jameel,
I have no idea what goes on in USA commercials - those in the UK are pretty trashy, but they don't seem to be harmful to me. I guess its different here. I think if you deprive your children of all TV you will cripple them educationally and socially, so for goodness sake, be reasonable. But be alert. It doesn't do for little ones to see sex and violence and horror, so be a responsible parent as regards these things. In the UK, programs are fairly safe before 9 pm. I have a problem because my grandson (4 and a half) lives with me, and many times he wont go to sleep - consequence? He has already picked up some unfortunate language off the 'box', and I have had to point out to him that many adults do use these nasty words, but he doesn't hear me saying them, so I don't want him to say them either. He gets the point. I can't really help you in your struggle except to say - brace up man! You're the boss in your household, aren't you? How can you be the boss if you are so weak that you would let a two year old girl watch violence or pornography, or a constant diet of trashy cartoons that are frequently violent?? I guess you don't really do this, so what is your problem? You need to relax; just don't watch haram stuff. If you yourself are glued to dirty programs, your poor wife must really feel bad. But I think this is nothing like you - you are probably just being too strict and worried. God bless, Ruqaiyyah.
Name
Betul
- United States
Profession
Question
Being a young Muslim woman in the U.S., I must know why in your answer to Amira, you think that Fatima Mernissi is a good role model when her opinions and ideas are feminist?
Answer
Dear Sr Betul,
As-Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah. I do not share your point of view that being a feminist is against Islam. Indeed, rather the reverse - I feel the Companions were very much feminists in their day, and the Revelation of the Qur'an supported the causes of the equality of women and the prevention of abuse towards women. That is mainly what feminists are trying to do - gain equality and tackle abuse. The only aspect of feminism that is haram for Muslims is where it involves such issues as homosexuality, and abuse of men - but the latter doesn't amount to much. Dont forget, a woman cannot rape a man, for example, but feminists know only too well how frequently men rape women! Have you actually read any of the work of Fatima Mernissi? She has spent her life fighting abuse of women in Morocco, and her books are excellent. You may not agree with every word she says, but she says everything in good faith. In my opinion, she is one of the bravest Muslim women around. I find it worrying that so many young Muslim women seem to have been brainwashed into thinking feminism is anti-Islamic. So many of the world's leading feminists have actually been Muslim women. I think the problem here is really one of definition. Hope this helps. Wasalaam, Ruqaiyyah.
Name
k
- United States
Profession
Question
As-Salaamu Alaikum
There a movement in the United States and elsewhere that women issues are being taken from a modernist point of view, an example wearing of hijab is not necessary anymore that was the time of the Prophet(SAAWS). Many countries such as Egypt or Kuwait where the feminist movement is taking hold say that Islam opresses women and takes their, in light of those issues what do you think a young woman should do to be good role model? Should she follow the sunnah and the shabiat or these modernist movements?
Answer
Dear K,
As-Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah. This is always a difficult question to answer, as even the greatest of the world's Islamic scholars vary as to whether they are modernists or traditionalists, etc. Whatever answer I give, you will find Muslims either very much in agreement with me or very much against me, according to what type of Muslim they are. However, we must make several things clear. There is not only one madhdhab, and Muslims should always be tolerant of the other schools of thought and not just insist on the one they happen to follow.
Secondly, a person's Islam is not judged by a piece of clothing - many women are completely covered up, faces and all, and yet their character may be spiteful, or proud, or selfish, or intolerant etc, etc.
Thirdly, Islam does not oppress women - rather the opposite - but it is very very true that in many societies Muslim women are much oppressed and abused. This, sadly, is usually not by non-Muslim men (who are all in favor of helping them out, and who turn very anti-Islamic when they note the abusive behavior of some Muslim men), but by our own Muslim brothers. I, for one, would probably be jailed or beaten if I wore my normal hijab in the streets of Afghanistan. Most of my 'brothers' would be in trouble, because they dont have beards. I was sad to read in the papers last week that a football team got arrested and their heads shaved because they played a match wearing shorts!
I guess your real question is about hijab. To me, hijab means 'modest dress'. technically, we were asked to cover up from neck to ankle, and the only Qur'anic reference to head-veil was when it asked women to use it to cover their bosoms. The emphasis was on not revealing their bosoms, or female shape. Thus, a young woman in shalwar qamise plus full hijab would not be correctly dressed in Islam if her garb was tight-fitting and showed her shape. Different Muslim societies have different forms of hijab. I suppose Khadijah never wore it, since she died before the revelation; as I understand it, the verse descended on the occasion of the Prophet's (pbuh) marriage to his cousin Zaynab bint Jahsh, and in the first instance referred to the veil separating off the private women's quarters from the public (giving women a much-needed break!), and not to clothing.
There is so much controversy about head-cover; I really do wonder whether Shaytan is involved in all this, since it seems to me to be such a side-line, and not one of the key issues. My stand is that what is halal is clear in the Qur'an, and what is haram is clear. In between are all the other issues, and on these we are expected to follow our own consciences. Obviously, if we feel that it is the best way to follow the sunnah of the Prophet's wives, then this is what we should do. If we feel that modesty and modest behavior is more important than the actual covering of hair, then that is up to us. Nobody has the right to force a woman to do what she does not wish to do - that is not Islamic at all. Sisters who start looking down their noses at other sisters, and putting pressure on them, if not actually abusing them and backbiting, are getting something wrong in their Islam, and are certainly not doing their dawah in the best way. Gently does it. Good examples are what we need, and encouragement and help - not criticism, and feeling we are better than those who don't wear hijab. Only Allah knows that. If He was prepared to let even a prostitute into Paradise because she was kind to a cat (goodness knows what she was wearing!) - who are we to make a fuss about what other women wear? The modernist movement is really only trying to point out that modest dress and behavior is more important than a piece of cloth. Wasalaam, Ruqaiyyah.
Name
Somayya
- United States
Profession
Question
In reference to your respnse to Betul, could you then define feminism according to what is permissible in Islam?
Answer
Dear Somayya,
As-Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah. It is difficult for me to give a precise definition, but basically feminism that is permissible in Islam is that which defends the God-given rights of women against abuse, violence, oppression, exploitation, rape, medical mistreatment (e.g. killing off of female foetuses, not giving girls the same treatment as boys, leaving girls' treatment to the last minute whereas boys are rushed to the hospital, not being willing to pay for girls' treatment), violent and haram forms of sexual practice (including within marriage), abuse of women's legal rights and inheritance rights, and so on. These are the things that feminists are very concerned about, and quite rightly so - these issues should be at the forefront of Islamic feminist activity. I can think of other things, like not giving wives their mahr, refusing divorces when they should take place, forcing young girls to marry against their will, arranging marriages for visa reasons, ostracising women who have been divorced and not helping them to remarry, wasting enormous resources on flashy weddings, misusing the wife's money for their own business, not paying women proper wages, forcing them to work in intolerable conditions, etc, etc. need I go on? These are the things all Muslim women should speak up against, for Allah never intended his maidservants to suffer these abuses from anyone, let alone from Muslim men. Wasalaam, Ruqaiyyah.
Name
muslim
-
Profession
Question
Dear sister,
You just answered my 3rd question. What about the first 2 questions?
Answer
Dear Muslim,
So sorry - I got cut off in mid flow, and now your questions are not in front of me. I vaguely remember they were about women in politics and in entertainment and art?? I agree with you - the Muslim women leaders have been very notable this century, if not the very best of role models. People have mixed feelings, I believe, about Benazir. I was very impressed to discover she was the first woman to be president of the Oxford University students union, first woman - never mind Muslim woman. I would love to see far more Muslim women involved in politics here - it will come with the next generation, who have taken advantage of higher education, I am sure. The first Muslim MPs in the UK may well not be men, but female converts, or our new educated generation. Allah knows best. The point the critics of Islam make is about the way so many Muslim men do not seem to understand their own faith, and abuse the rights of their own women. I presume you are not trying to say that this does not happen?? It is a shame that so much criticism has come from outsiders, and not from our own ranks - but I feel the cat is coming out of the bag in a big way now. I'm sorry, I have forgotten your other question. Apologies. wasalaam, Ruqaiyyah.
Name
najat
- Lebanon
Profession
maman
Question
I want to know what I have to do to take my father out of (riba). I tried all the way with him and no result.
Answer
Dear Br Najat,
As-Salaamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah. I am so sorry, I have a little difficulty in understanding your question. Is it that you wish to stop your father being involved with riba, i.e. banking, etc?
This is a difficult matter, as you cannot force your father to take any particular action. I obviously do not know his circumstances, or in what sense he is involved with riba - in the UK, it is usually in taking out mortgages etc, and up until very recently, there has been little choice in this. You can only explain to your father why Islam teaches that riba is wrong (all forms of business exploitation are wrong, and those who exploit will be answerable in akhirah), but the decision is his not yours. Your responsibility is to your own life, and coping with your own financial dealings according to your own conscience.
Perhaps the problem is that your father is actually making money through riba. In this case, it is something he will have to answer for in Akhirah if he is a Muslim.
However, if you are talking about the question of what to do with one's money while carrying on business, I do not think one can really be held to blame for using the system of the country one is in, if there is no Muslim alternative up and running. He would be foolish to just bury his money in the ground. If he is Muslim, perhaps any fault he incurs through riba could be set against contributions he makes in zakah??
All you can do is your best; your father is living his own life, and most fathers do not take kindly to sons telling them what to do. I know your concerns, but all you can do is guide by your own good example. Hope this answers your question a little. God bless, wasalaam, Ruqaiyyah.
