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Name
yasmin
- South Africa
Profession
housewife
Question
Slmz.
My 11 year old daughter has left her school and has reenrolled herself with our permission. In her Islamic school, the girls go up to grade 8,then have an option to do a 4 year aalima course. Then they can study grade 10,11 and 12 through unisa.
I am afraid that she may not manage through unisa. I hope we are making the right choice in the school changes, as I also want her to finish grade 12. I know the aalima course will be a good thing, and the school itself will be good from an Islamic point of view. Am I doing the right thing? Is my daughter making the right choice?
Answer
Salam alaikum, many thanks for your question. It is always difficult to know if we are making the right decisions in life. Especially when it comes to our loved ones, we want to do what is best.
As is the case with all decisions, we have to turn to Almighty Allah and seek His guidance. After praying salatul Istiqara whatever decision is made will be blessed. But before doing that it is very important that our hearts are pure and that we have clearly identified our intentions and goals. If there is pride, self-seeking or some kind of hidden agenda in our thinking, then whatever we do will not be blessed.
I suggest that you ask your daughter to pray Salatul Istiqara also, so that she will learn how decisions are made and that she will learn to turn to Allah at all times. Throughout her education she should have a growing sense of ownership; that her education is not only for her, but for the society in which she lives and in which she will ultimately contribute.
Many people think of education in terms of ability to make money; however, it should go beyond that. We should seek knowledge and as much education as possible with the intention of giving back to the world, developing our own selves to perceive more of life and to enable us to help others. Without this broader view, education will ultimately be scaled down to a materialistic and superficial level that will not enrich or spiritually empower the person.
Also, some people tend to downplay the importance of girls being educated, thinking that it will lead them away from a religious lifestyle. However, we should all have the basic understanding of life; that we are here to know Allah through His creation and to worship Him thereby developing and training our own selves, and that the more knowledge we have (coupled with a sincere intention) the stronger we will be. The person should also have the intention to enrich and empower themselves and others and give back positively to the world. And, obviously knowledge, skills, and training help us to do this better. Modern day life is complex, it requires the ability to think and analyze and moreover, to feel and reflect. If we can remind each other of this throughout all our lives, we will help each other keep on track, because learning does not stop at the end of university; it is a life long process and if it isn’t, we have not been educated properly.
Name
shayma
- Egypt
Profession
Question
Salam Alikom,
I have no motivation at all. My mother tries to get me to do things, but I always feel lazy. What's wrong with me?
Thank you
Answer
Salam alaikum, many thanks for your question. It is summer, and very hot and often that is enough to make a person feel drained of energy! But perhaps your problem goes a bit deeper than that. Keep in mind that the answers to our problems can be found within our own selves; if we are honest with ourselves and sincere, we will see the solutions, insha Allah.
You didn’t mention how old you are, but I take it that you are a teenager and on holiday from school. I commend your mother for trying to keep you busy, and prevent you from falling into the pit of apathy by keeping you busy doing useful things! Feeling ‘lazy’ is a teenage thing, and you shouldn’t worry about it too much. Sometimes you might get a feeling of ‘laziness or feeling depressed’, but it is important that you learn how to deal with such feelings.
Our body and mind is constantly giving us messages, to tell us that something is out of balance. It is our job to learn to read these messages. It is like a young child will learn to read the messages that pain gives him, so he will learn not to touch something hot. As we get older, we have to learn to read other messages; they might be fear, anxiety, depression, restlessness – learn to understand yourself.
There can be many reasons why a person would feel disinterested in life and lazy. Are you sleeping properly? It is easy to slip into the habit of sleeping late and getting up late. The strange thing is that even if you get eight hours sleep you still wake up feeling listless. It’s better to sleep before midnight, and get up early in the morning. Since it is holidays, you could give yourself one night on the weekend to stay up really late, but don’t make a habit of it because it really does throw the body system out.
Also, are you eating healthy food and drinking enough water? This is a whole topic in itself. Not having enough water can make a person feel very tired. And then there is the whole ‘do you have a goal’ discussion. You may have heard people say a million times that you should make goals and work to fulfill them.
Well, they are right! It is summer time and you are on holiday, so you don’t have to be conscientious like you would be at school, but you still have to be moving toward a goal in your life. You are the one who will make that goal, and you are also the one who will have to work and move toward it. If you don’t have a goal, you should take some time to sit in a quiet place, and think deeply about how you want to improve yourself. It could be getting fit, or fitter! It could be learning a new skill or developing a friendship. It could be memorizing some Quran or reading a certain amount of books. It could be traveling to a certain place or trying something new. You might want to go on a de-tox diet. Now I know that doesn’t sound like much fun, but it might make you feel better and have more energy.
Another thing is that when you feel sluggish in your body, it is usually because your spirit feels sluggish too. So, what have you done recently to fee your spirit? Do you have a positive outlook on life? Do you hang around with positive people? If you listen to music, do you listen to hopeful, inspiring music? Listen to inspiring speakers? Watching too much TV dulls the brain and the spirit, so maybe switch it off for a while and talk to someone or go for a walk….
Are you doing your Prayers – on time? Is Prayer a spiritual experience for you or just something you have to do? Do you take some time everyday to read Quran and hear what Allah is saying to you? Life is so rich, there are so many things to learn and do and the place where you are is where you are meant to be; the people you are with are the ones you should turn to and help and inspire. Try to look around you and feel the joy of living and having another day to live. Try to be grateful for what you have and develop the feeling that you want to give joy back to others. Have a great summer!
Name
Salina
- United Kingdom
Profession
doctor
Question
Salaams.
I have not potentially found someone to marry, I am losing hope, What's your advice to me?
Answer
Salam alaikum, many thanks for your question. I recommend that you do not lose hope! That you never give up! The problem might be that we put expectations for ourselves that are too often unreasonable. Society sometimes tells us that we should be married by a certain time, to a certain kind of person etc., as if we are falling off a factory conveyor belt! When the time comes; the right time, that is ordained by the Creator, you will find that special someone to share your life with.
But it is wrong to think that marriage is a destination in life; thinking that once I arrive at the destination of ‘marriage’, that I stop traveling along life’s journey. Marriage is a part of life, and it helps us develop ourselves and gives us a chance to share ourselves with someone else, but it is wrong to expect any person on the face of this earth to make us happy.
We are the ones who do that. The people in our life may make us happy at some times, and completely miserable at others. We might feel connected with someone and share a great relationship for a period of time, and then the relationship changes, and we are forced to ‘move on.’ So where does that leave us? Shattered? Never! In order to succeed in life and become a ‘whole’ person, we must learn to find joy wherever we are, whoever we are with, whatever our state and regardless of life’s disappointments. Life is full of blessings; it is our job to recognize them, and be grateful for them.
So you haven’t found a partner yet. Ok, look around you and recognize the blessings you have; the beauty that lies within you and feel hope, joy and glimmers of insight that will fortify you, and help you to find your way in life. If you feel you can’t do that now, then start a training course – that training course is on your prayer mat in the middle of the night when everyone else is asleep.
Open your heart, pray and ask the Creator, and as you do that, you will see different sides of yourself, that you don’t see in everyday life. You will feel stronger, wiser, calmer and more accepting and moreover, you will feel driven and motivated to develop yourself and give. Why on earth would you lose hope? Marriage is something that we ‘do’ – it is not who ‘are’. So, know yourself, develop yourself, and give back and with a grateful heart, a joyous spirit and a fountain of energy live your life day to day. Almighty Allah will send the person into your life that will match your state; someone who will further help you to grow and learn and perceive and give… All the best.
Name
Sue
- Palestine
Profession
Question
Salams,
I live in a country in the middle east and my father is in Canada. My parents are divorced, and I'm living with my mum. I'm fifteen. I'm stuck in a situation where I have to go to Canada, but I don't want to, I want to stay with my mother.
What should I do? It doesn't seem I have a choice. Do I?
Answer
Salam alaikum, many thanks for your question. I’m sorry you are going through this very difficult situation. Divorce is always difficult, especially for the children. I do not know the details of your situation, but I suggest that you do have a choice. If you are in a Muslim country, the law there would usually defend you, if you do not want to go to a non-Muslim country.
Since you are with your mother, it seems that she is the one to represent you, and find out what is legally required. I know that in Egypt, when a child reaches the age of fifteen, he/she can choose to live with either the mother or father. So, why not ask about this, and find out your rights. It may well be that you can stay in the country where are you.
At the same time, your father has rights over you, and you should find out why he wants you to come to Canada. Perhaps you could find a good sheikh to talk to, and weigh the pros and cons or staying where you are and leaving.
May Almighty Allah bless you and guide you to what is best.
Name
minime
- United Kingdom
Profession
Question
salama alikum, I'm fourteen year old, and my parents divorced when I was small. I live with my mum, and I see my dad once a week on the weekend. I don't really have any relationship with him. He talks more to my brothers, and only talks to me when I do something wrong. I would like to be closer to him, but I feel very negative. What do you think I should do?
Answer
Salam alaikum, many thanks for your question. It is always sad when families break up, but you know, the problem you described sometimes happens even when families are still living together. It is all about relationships. Now, your dad might have a problem with relationships; maybe he finds it difficult to open up and talk and have fun. If this is the case, there are some things you could do to help. First, you should realize that he loves you. After all, he wouldn’t see you once a week if he didn’t care. Also, sometimes dads have more in common with their sons – being male and all – and he might need a bit of a push to get to know you more.
So ask yourself if you are being open and communicative… Do you listen to what they are talking about and join in the conversation in a positive way? Perhaps you could suggest places where you could all go or cook something special for them. Why not cook something special for your dad; something he likes, as a gesture that you love him.
We all give off energy; positive or negative and this can affect how people deal with us. So try to be a positive influence in the life of your dad and your brothers. Smile, be communicative, turn any ‘comments’ into a joke and take it lightly and brave the storm! Relationships are hard work but well-worth it. All the best.
Name
Ahmed
- Armenia
Profession
Question
Aslamu alykum,
I’m 17 years old Muslim boy; I just finished my exams few days ago.I’m living in non Islamic country, and I want to enjoy summer, but I also don’t want to make a forbidden actions. I’m afraid that all of the interesting ways to spend summer are ‘haram’ in Islam. I wish you can guide me to activities which make me enjoy summer without with out feeling guilty.
Thanks on advance for help.
Answer
Salam alaikum, many thanks for your question. I think this is a dilemma that many young Muslims are facing. Your intention is so important. If you are close to Allah and want to do the right things, Allah will guide you safely. At the same time, you should not lock yourself away from the world and life. The idea is to learn to interact with people (even those who are different from you) and enjoy life while keeping within the boundaries. You have to learn when to say no and when to step back. But, if you are positive, communicative, friendly and strong within yourself, I believe that most people will accept you as you are and respect you when you say things like ‘I don’t do that’ or “I prefer not to go there’ and so on.
Keep a part of your day for your spiritual well-being; praying, reading Quran and reading or listening to inspiring talks etc. Then a part of your day for sport and being active and another part of your day to be with your family and show them your love and care. Above all, be yourself and keep within your limits but also, interact with others, show your care and friendship and always seek to develop the place where you are and help the people you are with. All the best.
