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Name
nuredin
- Falkland Island
Profession
student
Question
Aselam aleikum Dr.abdullah..
First and for most may Almighty Allah reward you for your good deeds.
My quesion is, I got a problem really problem. I loved one very nice muslimah, I loved her not b/c of her beauty but b/c of her character and good understnding in Islam. But my familly did not accept my idea. What they say is first u have to finish your studies then only we will think about it, so I am in between two minds whether to make her waiting for me or to leave her to see her chance.
Wegezakumulahu keiran..
Answer
Thank you for your question. We do not know much about your age but if your family's argument against your marriage right now is that you should finish your studies, then they have a point. Part of the process of preparing oneself for marriage is to be able to provide for one's future spouse. Finishing one's education and insha'allah getting a job that will allow one to provide for one's spouse is a good starting point.
We are not emphasizing material values over spiritual of course but in the end, it takes a very special set of parents to say, yes, please marry our daughter even though you are not done with your studies and have no way to support her financially. If you fear that you might commit a sin in time before you finish your studies, consider proposing to your parents to at least have the nikah (contract) done insha'allah. And Allah knows best.
Name
ahmed
- South Africa
Profession
student
Question
Salams dr Rahman. I will be 24 this year and i am currently a student and I will complete my studies at the end of next year inshaallah. there is a girl at university who is extremely pious and is always dressed modestly. Her interest in islamic knowledge is really something that I admire in her and i wish to propose marriage to her. I do not date and do not know how to approach her. My parents are willing to give me their blessings however they will not support me financially. This girl does not come of a wealthy family(similiar financial position to my family).
Please advise me.
Jazakallah khair..
Answer
Thank you for your question. We appreciate your concern and suggest the following: you should find a well respected third party to at least find out on your behalf whether this young woman is ready to get married. If she is ready for marriage, then by all means you should propose to her through your parents. Usually, the process of getting to know each other's families takes some months if not longer.
Insha'allah, if she accepts to consider your proposal, then the process can continue as you finish your studies insha'allah. Do your best to plan for your financial well-being so that you can support your future spouse. In the end, trust in Allah and make lots of du'a that He guides you to a spouse who is a blessing for your faith, family and future. And Allah knows best.
Name
Zara
- Netherlands
Profession
student
Question
Salaamou Alaikoum..
Can you tell me what people who are not yet married but are going to, should look for in their future husband, wife, because I see people in my environment make many mistakes, looking for the wrong things in a person. which eventually will lead to a divorce.
Salaam..
Answer
Quite a popular question these days. May Allah reward you for asking it. Well, Islamic teachings are quite clear in telling us to emphasize looking for a spouse who will ultimately help us to get closer to Allah Most High. Of course, there is the hadith of the Prophet Muhammad (sal allahu alayhi wasallam) which tells the men quite clearly what to look for in a wife:
"A woman may be married for four reasons: for her wealth, for her status, for her beauty, and for her religion (and character). So marry the one who is best in the religion and character and prosper.” (Reported in Bukhari and Muslim
The person's character, their own degree of piety and the strength of their relationship with Allah should be examined. In addition, we should emphasize that while the Islamic teachings are quite clear about what is desirable in a spouse, it is another thing altogether to when we consider the reality of each situation. It is highly recommended that each couple to be consider pre-marital counseling in the company of a trustworthy and experienced Imam or knowledgeable person in the community. This will help to further ensure the compatibility between the young man and woman insha'allah. And Allah knows best.
Name
R
- United States
Profession
Question
What is good for over all health? I am over wieght ... trying eat healthy .. my joints are really bad craking all the time back neck too. I know it has to do with my weight being 5'4 and all most 300lbs.. can you help me?
Answer
May Allah grant you good health and strong Iman! Ameen. Well, the first thing we recommend is that you have a thorough physical examination, including asking for a check of your cholesterol levels. Sometimes, being over weight alone is not as much a problem as the adverse conditions associated with being over weight such as hypertension, type II diabetes, and as you have already mentioned, increasing stress on the weight-bearing joints.
We strongly suggest that after the physical examination, you actually adopt a dieting plan that does not shock your body but perhaps helps you ease off the weight, pound by pound. Basically, one of the main goals of the dieting should be to reduce the portions you consume as well as to cut down on carbohydrate intake. We recommend that you consult a dietician in your area for further information.
Don't forget that on the emotional side, you might develop low self-esteem as well due to being over weight. Please do not delay getting the physical exam and being more disciplined about dieting insha'allah. And Allah knows best.
Name
Muslim
- United Kingdom
Profession
Researcher
Question
Salamalaikum, I embraced Islam 5 years ago. I would like to get married so as to complete the other half of my deen, however, I found this not to be as simple.
Firstly the mosques in my local area donot organise marriages and so it is left up to the individual.
Both my parents are non muslims and so they cannot help either. As I am a revert to islam, I donot come from the main Islamic nations and so it is doubly hard as the majority of muslimah look for marriages from their own nationalities / tribe / race.
Who are revert brothers supposed to marry?, somehow revert sisters donot experience this problem as they easily accepted within the islamic community. My friends are in the same situation as me and they cannot help either.
I donot think the matrimonial web sites help much as most of these sisters look to get married from their own race / nationalities. I donot prefer to get married to a Christian lady as these will bring complications because of religious reasons. What do you advice?
Answer
We realize that you are facing a challenge in getting married and want to tell you that you are not alone. Even men who are not reverts and from the "main Islamic nations" are finding it difficult to get married, although we understand that being a revert without adequate social supports can be an added challenge.
We suggest that you increase your interaction with the people who frequent a masjid in your area. We do not know of a single masjid that does not need volunteers for some activity or another. Give generously of your time and serve Allah at the same time. Insha'allah, as people get to know you, you can choose to share with them your desire to get married. Of course, you are bound to get negative reactions from people who prefer to marry their daughters to men from the same race/nationality. But you should not give up. Insha'allah if it is Allah's will that you marry someone from your own town, then insha'allah that is what will happen. On the other hand, you could very well be blessed with a proposal from someone who is not from your immediate town. You have to exert effort and not be discouraged by the close-mindedness of some of the people whom you have met so far.
Make lots of du'a to Allah and spend the months and maybe years that you are single, studying more about Islam and getting closer to Allah. If you are to get married soon, wouldn't you prefer that you were ready to fulfill all of your rights and responsibilities as a husband? Get ready and make du'a for a pious wife. And Allah knows best.
Name
Al-Muslimah
- United States
Profession
Question
Asslmau Alaikum,
All the proposals I've had so far are from good muslim brothers, alhamdulillah but they all have extreme views about certain issues. I guess living in west makes them more defensive and they hav reservations over where and how their wife should work. Some put the condition of Islamic environment only and others put different restrictions. what's unfortunate is that they not alwayz say so very clearly thus it takes some time before you realize their restrictions over such issues. What advice would you give to sisters as how to find a good muslim brother who is open-minded and trusts you. Also, does this attitude changes with the levl of education?
Answer
Yes, most definitely a person who is a true seeker of knowledge will change his or her attitude when presented with additional or new information. In your case, we really think you should insist that the next brother you are serious about makes a commitment to join you in pre-marital counseling sessions. If carried out properly, pre-marital counseling sessions are the best method to explore very serious issues such as the one you mentioned about whether and where the wife should work.
You are right on the mark when you say that the brothers' views are shaped by their environment. This is true but it does not mean that those same brothers are unwilling to change their views over time. You should make a list of concerns you have and insha'allah, insist that both of you have full and thorough discussions in the presence of an Imam or a knowledgeable and trustworthy elder in the community.
We wish you the best. Remember to make du'a to Allah to guide you and insha'allah grant you a pious husband who is a blessing for your faith, family and future. And Allah knows best.
Name
MRS SHAHID
- Pakistan
Profession
house wife
Question
ASSLAM...
Dear sir I want to name my child (boy) MOHD ANSEL which means follows nobelity and other child (girl) NAWAIM which means soft I want the complete information regarding both theese names and also that the these names r right or wrong..
Thank u..
ALLAHAFIZ..
Answer
Thank you so much for your question. Since this session is reserved for counseling concerns, we kindly request that you explore the following website as a start to helping you choose the names of your children: http://www.muslim-names.co.uk.
And Allah knows best.
Name
heena
- India
Profession
student
Question
Assalamualaikum,
I am 20 yrs lod, studying BCA, at MS Uni.,very beautiful,but b,cz of my fathers bad reputation he and my elder brother wants to me marry after graduation, but I want to study more and secondly if they force me then what shall i do sowhen shd. I marry,and to whom?pl. guide and help me..
Kufda hafiz.
Answer
May Allah Most High protect you and grant you the liberty to choose when and to whom you will marry! Ameen. We do not have enough information about you to suggest who you should marry. However, we can suggest that the man should be pious and able to provide for your well-being. If you choose to delay your marriage in order to complete your education, then we strongly encourage you to focus your attention on education and not get distracted by any young man who becomes interested in marrying you. Insha'allah, as soon as the desire to get married is awakened in you, please initiate the process of searching for a husband.
Remember that Allah Most High and His messenger have granted you the right to choose when and to whom you shall get married. You can demand that your right to choose be fulfilled but you have to do it in a respectful manner insha'allah and make du'a to Allah to guide your father to do what is right according to Islamic teachings. If you fear that your father cannot serve as an objective and thorough wali or guardian, then you owe it to yourself to confront him. Help him to come to terms with the fact that another trustworthy, mutually known individual will insha'allah at least help to find the best spouse for you in the future. Your father can give the final blessing, especially if you are ok with that particular match insha'allah. And Allah knows best.
Name
M
-
Profession
student in her early twenties
Question
Assalam alaikoum..
I would like some advice regarding marriage. While I was studying abroad last year I met and we became friends. He taught me alot about Islam and eventually I converted to Islam alhamdoulillah. We have also talked about getting married inchallah. although I have had to return home to finish my studies, we still keep in touch by phone and email. we get on realy well in every way and his faith in Islam is really strong alhamdoulillah, we hope to marry soon. the only problem is that my parents do not know about me converting and would be devastated about the situation because they are Indian and Sikh.
I really feel like Allah has helped me to come closer to him.
I would like to know Islam's position on marrying someone without the parents knowledge in this case.
Answer
First, welcome to the universal community of Islam and Muslims. Islam encourages us to be respectful to our parents and to obey them unless they ask you to disobey Allah. In your case, your parents are bound to feel hurt that the daughter they raised has actually decided to change her religion without thorough consultation with her parents. However, now that you are a Muslim, it is possible that your parents will have a tough time accepting the fact that you left their religion and that you now want to marry a Muslim man. You should educate and update them progressively, slowly.
Remember to first adress the issue of telling your parents that you have become a Muslim. You might want to begin by thanking your parents for raising you and by educating them about the religion of Islam. Help them to understand the religion and hopefully get them to at least be sympathetic to those who are Muslims.
We do not think you should stress the issue of marriage right away. Listen to your parents, assess their feelings. What are they saying? Are they shocked? Help them to recover from and to see that you have become a better human being because you discovered Islam. Let them know how Islam tells you to respect your parents no matter if they are Muslim or not.
Finally, continue to make lots of du'a to Allah to grant you the peace of mind to talk about marriage with your parents. Of course, how well they take the news that you have reverted to Islam will help you gauge how the discussion on marriage will go insha'allah. And Allah knows best.
Name
shaylaa
- United States
Profession
mommy
Question
I am a newer muslimah..
Sunni. I have a bad situation.2001 I met my "husband".He very soon after (1)month later asked me to marry him. He is from Bangladesh and raised Sunni. I am native american and an ex catholic now reverted.He said we could have a temporary marriage, until we go to his country and have a wedding, I agreed and we did this just between ourselves and Allah.We now have an 18 month old son who is being raised muslim as well.6 months ago I found out that temporary marriage is not allowed. I told him this and had to show him proof. Now he is stressed out and I feel very upset.I dont cant be away from him because there is no one else no friends etc. I dont drive or leave the house alone .He has to take me to store,doctors etc. I am also very ill and have to go to hospital a lot. He is the only one to help me in any way now.We have not been intimate since this knowledge. I am worried about if this kind of extreme situation is allowed? We also can not get married right now because I will not have health insurance to pay for the thousands of dollars worth of necessary medical treatments and medicines etc. I am utterly depressed because of how I feel helpless as a sick woman who is muslim and has no one to help the situation. We love each other so much.What can I do?
Answer
You really should submit this question to our Islamic scholars through the Islam Online Fatwa section. We can say that given the circumstances you have described, we strongly suggest that you first get married at least according to Islamic teachings so that you are no longer living in sin and being stressed out. If you are suggesting that your health insurance benefits will be affected if you get married according to civil law, then delay the civil marriage but do not continue living in sin without first having a simple but official marriage ceremony according to Islamic teachings.
Both of you should repent for transgressing the bounds set by Allah. Seek forgiveness from Allah and make du'a to Allah to guide you to be good parents to your son. Do take care of your health and be supportive of your husband in as much as you need to remind him to be supportive of you and not be stressed out so much. Re-assure him that if he repents and if you repent, insha'allah Allah Most High will grant you a peace of mind. And Allah knows best.
Name
muneebah
-
Profession
student
Question
Assalaamualaikum..
I am 20 years old right now, I'd like to get married, but only to the right person. My parents wanted me to marry my cousin, who is a doctor, but I refused and said I'd like to complete my education, knowing that my parents wouldn't pressure me to marry him then. The guy I'd like to marry is my cousin in another country who will INSHALLAH be a mufti after 5 years. I don't know if my parents will approve of him later or not because my dad doesn't like his dad...But the guy's mom and my dad are sister and brother. Do you think it was ok for me to refuse the offer of my doctor cousin? I did istikharah's and saw some negative dreams about marrying him, and some positive ones about marrying the to be mufti , but still I can never be too sure about what to do. The doctor cousin still is not married, I could still marry him. My parents know at the back of my mind that I like the mufti cousin, but haven't said much about it to me. They are happy with the prospect of me becoming a doctor after 6 years. My question basically is have I done the right thing by continuing education in lieu of marrying my cousin, and what does it mean if I saw Istikharah's in dreams, but I'm still hesitant? Jazakallah!!! Wassalaam..
Answer
Thank you for writing to us. We do not know enough about each of the two candidates to really help you decide between them. However, you are taking the right approach by making the istikhara prayer and seeking the guidance of Allah Most High.
If you are certain that you want to marry the mufti cousin, then make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. Marry him because you believe he will help you get closer to Allah. Is that why you want to marry him? Also, realize that if you want to marry him, then you will have to start off the marital process so that there is at least some expression of intent on your part. Your parents will also realize that you are taking marriage seriously and not just rejecting candidates that they suggest.
Also think about what if your mufti cousin turns down your proposal? Then what? Make lots of du'a to Allah to grant you a pious husband who is a blessing for your faith, family and future. And Allah knows best.
Name
Abu Ammar
- United Kingdom
Profession
Question
Assalamualaikum, can you enlighten me on the best way to communicate with your fiancee?
Answer
The best ways to communicate with one's fiance depend on several factors. If you live in the same town or within driving distance of your fiance, we strongly suggest pre-marital counseling sessions with the Imam whereby you and your fiance can explore challenging issues that will arise after marriage. We also suggest having meals with each other's families as a means of strenghtening the bonds of brotherhood and sisterhood.
If you are not in the same town or driving distance, then we suggest involving the two families to plan gatherings whereby you two can spend time together to learn more about one another. Exercise great caution in having phone conversations and using the instant messaging/chat services. For further guidelines on how to communicate with your fiance, please read:
my question is that if it is all predecided in ones Taqdeer that who is going to be ones spouse then what about those marriages where two very different and opposite people have to live with eachother in the bond of marriage? sometimes these situations can become very painful especially if one partener refuses to change at all and does not try to understand the needs (all being just within the limits of Islam) of his or her mate.. What is one suppose to do in such circumstances? Also, Are such marriages inevitable(bound to happen)?
Answer
Of course, yes, Allah Most High has already written what has happened, what is happening, and what will happen in the future. Allah Most High knows well who we shall marry and the teachings of our Prophet Muhammad tell us how to go about choosing the most compatible spouse for marriage. Allah is merciful and He knows well that it is possible that not enough care is taken to ensure compatibility between man and woman. If all efforts have been exhausted to make the marriage work, then Allah Most Merciful and Wise does allow the couple to get a divorce.
We are suggesting more and more that greater emphasis be placed on pre-marital counseling. There should be no reason why two people who are painfully incompatible should be forced into a marriage.
Finally, yes, marriages between two incompatible people are inevitable if Allah has willed it to be so. However, it is through Allah's mercy that we have been granted the option of divorce, although as the last resort. If the marriage is painful, get help. Seek out enough chances for either spouse to change and if all alternatives have been exhausted, then divorce in an amicable manner. And Allah knows best.
Name
Rahila
- Pakistan
Profession
student
Question
In the tribe of "shias", is it true that if a husband says "talaq" to his wife three times, they are considered divorced? What is the correct procedure?
Answer
This session is reserved for counseling concerns. Your question deals with an issue of Islamic jurisprudence and we refer you to re-submit your question to the Islamic scholars at the Islam Online fatwa section. Thank you.
Name
Reen
- United States
Profession
student
Question
I really love my ex-boyfriend but I got in a fight with him and our relationship ended. I did not make up with him because I knew it was against Islam and I did not want to get my ple asure by annoying Allah. We used to talk online but then we both blocked one another after the fight. He recently unblocked me and is always online at the time that we used to set up to talk to one naother. I co-incidentially met him somewhere yesterday and he came and asked me why I dont come online. He has a hindu friend who is involving him into wrong stuff such as alcohol and clubs and I cannot see that. He is a very
understanding person. Is it right for me to unblock him and talk to him just so I can bring him close to Islam. Thats my only intention. He has no one to tell him how beautiful our religion is. I have recently started wearing hijab and myself am very religious. He says he will marry me if thats what I want but then I dont want to marry him because I am not sure of if thats what he
wants. I dont want to seem desperate. What should I do?
Answer
No, it is not right for you to unblock him and talk to him even if you just want to bring him closer to Islam. If we understood your message properly, you have a lot of homework to do in order to strengthen your own relationship with Allah. You have to feel remorse, feel bad for what you have done and turn back to Allah seeking His forgiveness. You have to worry about your own well-being for now. Allah Most High has guided you to wear the hijab and to turn your life around it seems. Your ex-boyfriend is having his own growing pains and will be of no use to you as you go about getting back onto the straight path.
We urge you not to get caught up with your ex-boyfriend again. Let him be. Block him and have no contact with him. Shaitan will continue to tempt you by suggesting that you can do so much good by helping your ex-boyfriend. Fight shaitan. He only wishes to misguide you and tempt you into falling back into sin with your ex-boyfriend.
Your boyfriend has a lot of growing up to do and most importantly, he needs to repent and turn back to Allah on his own. Please worry about yourself and for once in your life, be selfish when it comes to trying to get Allah to forgive you. And Allah knows best.
Name
Someone
- United States
Profession
Student
Question
Asalam o alaaykum brother in ISLAM,
Is it possible for me to ask Allah to show me my future wife in real life before the time of my marriage so I can know who the person is? After every prayer, I make dua to Allah to grant me a righteous wife who I can live with happily and give incredible amounts of love to.
I know that my marriage will take place when Allah wills it to take place but I really wish I could find out somehow who my future wife will be! Allah has given me a lot of patience in all aspects of life and it is this patience which is keeping me at bay. What should I do in this matter? Your words will be greatly appreciated. Jazakallah Khairun!
Answer
Dear brother, may Allah grant you the vision that you seek! How wonderful indeed it would be if your du'a would be granted and you could see in real life your future wife. Our question to you is, what have you done to prepare for such a vision if it is to happen by Allah's will? Even more importantly, we suggest that you work on your relationship with Allah. Pray more often. Fast. Give charity. Learn more about marriage in Islam, especially about your duties as a husband. As you get closer to Allah, you will feel a peace of mind. It is possible that if Allah wills, you will have an idea of who your future wife will be insha'allah.
You ought to also ask yourself whether you fully trust in Allah. Why? What if Allah Most High does present you a vision of your future wife and you are not pleased with it? Then what? Do you trust in Allah enough that you would accept whoever Allah presents to as your future wife?
Thank you for writing to us. Continue to make your du'a to Allah and insha'allah He will grant you a pious wife who is a blessing for your faith, family and future. And Allah knows best.
