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Answer
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Name
Hazeen
-
Profession
Question
Love is hinted at in the form of how Islamic marriage is expected to be in Surah 30, verse 21. *{It is among His signs that He created for you spouses from among yourselves that you might dwell together in affection and mercy. Verily in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.}*
Please clarify what this verse means and the relation between love and marriage.
Answer
Salam Hazeen.
I bow to Allah in gratitude for giving me the chance to clarify such an important point.
To answer your question in short; "love" is in itself a great value and a wonderful divine gift. But, the meaning of the word "love" differs from a person to the other. So, you need to watch for the meaning.
The very same word to some people can simply mean a soft or dashing spiritual feeling that takes your heart and thought. But Islam adds that it should be genuine enough that it would prepare you to move to a new stage "of your self".
When I say "a new stage of your self", I mean it. Before encountering this feeling and acknowledging it as a real mature sentiment, you have always been living as one.
But if you decide to pursuit and develop your feeling through a lawful channel, you yourself will become two in one and one in two!
Our Merciful Creator has explained this divine gift of His by stating in Surah 30, verse 21, that it is among His signs that He has created to us --from our very selves-- a pair (spouse), in order to take him/her to be our “sakan”.
The word “sakan” in Arabic literary means a home or a dwelling. Yet, from the same root, you would also find the Arabic word “sakinah”, which means the mixed feeling of happiness, tranquility, safety and security. The Arabic verb used in the verse —in its original Arabic term— is “letaskunu elayha”, which means “to achieve this ‘sakan’ or ‘sakinah’ at one another”. The verb directly indicates that both spouses would become each others "home".
So, you think about it, what would a “home” give you?
Islam simply targets to establish a home for love. Love is never regarded as a stray emotion wondering through the paths of life, sometimes dwelling and some other times drifting.
So, this is how the lawful channel of marriage should gather the two partners in the lawful homes of one another, where both would find all their emotional, social and physical needs. This, should never be under the threat of changes of mood or whim, but under a well-established and sound "sakan".
Name
Azim
- United Kingdom
Profession
Customer Services
Question
As-salamu `alaykum,
There are many people in the world who have this view including some of my friends and family, which is: religion in general is not a requirement. Islam or any other religion is not a requirement as long as you do good things. Since you don't hurt anyone or do anything wrong, you don't need a religion that tells you laws etc. How would I respond to this? I need a good answer.
Answer
Salam, Azim.
Happy to hear from you, because your question reminds me of myself a while ago.
This was when I first stepped my very first steps on the path of worshipping God, as much as I can, the way He wills to be worshipped. In a certain stage of my life I chose to go about religion the way you describe it, as a religion that would tell me laws of what to do and what not to do.
What was not new to me is "everything"! This was because before I started studying religion and trying to adjust myself accordingly, I was still a kind of person who wanted to do things "right" and to avoid what was "wrong". And, to tell you the truth, I found that mostly what I thought as being the "law", was exactly the "law" that I found when I chose my path.
What was the result of this discovery? Well, to me: it confirmed my choice! I have always seen deceit as being negative and have always seen love as being positive. I have always felt abuse to be drastically negative and have always felt devotion to be perfectly right, etc. I studied Islam and found nothing that contradicts my beliefs.
But, the more I studied religion, the more I found in myself the need to study more, to feel it more, to refer to it more.
My dear brother, we do not chose religion due to our need to find the law, because the law is already there. The sun rises each morning and the moon is there to follow. This law is already there, we cannot do anything about it. What is good is good and what is bad is bad. But we need God!
We need to pray, we need to worship, we need to realize Him, we need to acknowledge Him. In my times, when I followed "my laws of good and bad", I still lacked something. I lacked something grave at my heart. When I started implementing the laws because I should go by the book, I started seeing something, but still wasn't clear.
A while later, I started tasting the feeling. When you feel there is Someone you can lean upon, Someone you can go back to, Someone you can trust, Someone you can call upon day and night, Someone you can love; here you start fulfilling a need that is innate within your soul. It is a need you can never put in words, but it aches all the time within you till you fulfill it.
To cut it short; serving and loving the Divine and connecting with Him is a need that we as humans need to fulfill. This needs are fulfilled by first applying His rules and then by tasting the results.
Name
mohamed ibrahim
- Malaysia
Profession
student
Question
May you please give me any figures about the growth of Muslim population per year?
Answer
Salam Mohamed.
Please try the provided sites. I am not sure they give 100% accurate figures, but at least they would give you an idea.
"Respect for the husband as the head of the home", can you explain. Also, who has the last say for issues where middle-way solutions are just not possible?
Answer
As-salamu `alaykum, Adil.
I can't help smiling when I read questions like yours.
Yes dear, a husband is the "head of the home" and has to be respected. And, ALSO, the wife has to be respected and she is the "elixir of the home". Merriam Webster defines "elixir" as "a substance held capable of prolonging life indefinitely."
So, yes, a home has to have a leader of its life and it also has to be provided by life in order to be lead in the first place!
As a matter of fact, all family members have to be respected, all Muslims are to be respected and all society members have to be respected. This respect is even due to non-Muslim enemies and their corpses, what about ones' spouse who lives under the same roof and share the same bed?!
Please refer to the answer provided to our friend Hazeen in this live-dialogue, where I gave a brief reflection on the meaning of love and marital sakan.
Then, come back to this point where I need to explain —again and again— that family life is NOT a battle, where there is someone who has to lead and win, while the other has to serve and fulfill the needs of the other.
Both partners are to fulfill each others' needs and are to respect each others' feelings, entities and decisions. Your spouse is but your pair. Respecting him/her is but a reflection of the respect you owe to yourself.
A woman's respect to her husband can not be reflected if she only obeys his "orders", but by respecting his feelings and wishes in the first place. Then, a man needs to realize that a woman needs to be loved and respected in order to provide love and respect. Watering a seed produces a flower and drying it produces some ash!
Back to our Prophet Muhammad's life: He was the leader in his house. He was a leader who joked with his wives, raced his favorite `A'ishah and tolerated her anger when she felt jealous at the mentioning of Khadijah. He won his leadership by love and not by tyranny!
As for your point; whose word to go, well, it should definitely be the husband's. But that should be after this husband has taken the opinion and feelings and advice of his wife into consideration. For such moments, a woman has to chose herself a worthwhile husband.
This, also, is a point that is clearly conditioned in Islam. You may need to read a bit about the conditions of choosing a husband. The minimum I can mention here is that Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) clearly stated that if we encounter a Muslim whose both; his religion and moral, is regarded positively, then he is worth being given the woman in marriage.
Name
fareeda
- Trinidad and Tobago
Profession
Question
Salam.
I'm in the need of a professional help. I am a convert but now am having some personal problems and I need help seriously. So can some scholar agree 2 talk with me offline?
Jazak Allah khayran
Answer
Salam, sister Fareeda.
You are more than welcome to Islam. I welcome you personally and I sincerely hope you overcome your problems.
You have not explained what exactly are your problems, whether you are facing social and psychological problems or are they problems in understanding religion?
In case you are in need to discuss personal psychological and social problems, you can address our Cyber Counselor and our counselors will be more than happy to help you face your agonies.
In case you need some more in-depth consultation, related to your new Muslim world, we will provide you with the personal email of Professor Ebrahim Kazim,
Professor Ebrahim Kazim who is our consultant in Trinidad and Tobago. We will send you a personal email with his connection and you can arrange to meet with him.
In both cases, please make sure to pray a lot, asking God for His help. He will never let you down after you have chosen Him. Always remember that ordeals are sometimes but a Divine test through which God examines our faith and patience.
We wish you quick solution and our hearts are praying for you.
Salam.
Name
zesh
- United Kingdom
Profession
Question
Why do I constantly feel like I am not doing enough for my akhira. I feel that I am not fufilling my obligation of da`wah. I have been trying to practice Islam properly for the last 13 years before that I was a Muslim by name only.
Initially I was doing really well but as she is growing I felt I should calm down so I do not want her to go away of religion. As a teenager, I was not too strict with her so she does not rebel but when we do things which I am not comfortable with but do it so my children can see all spheres of life. They are not drastic issues but I take them to the beach, meals out, cinema not too often just so they know what it is and do not do things behind my back.
I feel I cannot do certain da`wah on subjects as I am not perfect and still do things which are wrong. I recently took them to a nasheed concert thinking it is a halal alternative, but I felt that there was little difference between a normal concert and this one.
But, when I think I should stop all of this then I think the children will get fed up and lose interest and follow their nafs in other things.
Please advise me.
Answer
Salam, Zesh.
Welcome to the queue of worried souls! You are worried you are not doing well enough for your akherah (Hereafter), and I am worried too for mine!
Abu Bakr As-Siddiq, the great companion of the Prophet, was worried too. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) clearly said that if the faith of all believers was put on a side of a balance and the faith of Abu Bakr on the other side of the same balance, then the weight of Abu Bakr's side would win. Yet, the great companion has always been worried about his Hereafter and used to say that if one foot of his stepped into Paradise, while the other foot was still outside, he would not still be comfortable till he is all in!
Does this mean that a Muslim should feel insecure? No, my dear. But, insecurity of being accepted or not is a trait of lover who wants desperately to be accepted.
A Muslim who peacefully submits to God, the One and Only Creator, naturally feels the agony of a lover who wands desperately to be loved and accepted by his/her Lover. We try, we submit, we work, we acknowledge Him because we want Him.
He accepts us because He is Merciful and because He promised to accept us. We find security and peace in this love, but we cherish this love dearly and it is very difficult not to worry about what we cherish.
As for your children, again you are worried. In fact, they are worth being worried about in this devastating life of today.
Yet, the only code of security is not to chose for them but to teach them how to chose for themselves. Give them the tools to chose. Teach them to love and search for God. Then, they will reach and hang on to what they reached through their own effort and by their own will.
Name
rahma
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Profession
Question
As-salamu `alaykum,
I have been a Muslim for six years now and I have been wearing hijab for approximately for 5 1/2 years. The last year, it has become very difficult to wear it. There are few Muslims in my city and I find it hard to be discriminated against. I'm a shy person and struggle with all the attention I get because of my hijab. I find no force inside me that can help me when its tough.
Do you have any advice? I feel that I'm no longer proud of my hijab because of all the misconceptions of Islam.
Answer
Salam, Rahma.
No, you do.
You do have the strength inside you and you do have the will to keep it, or else you wouldn't have come to us. You do love your hijab but you need to search for this strength, will and love which have been buried inside your soul due to the daily pressures and the manipulating misconceptions about hijab, Islam and every upright idea or concept.
What you need to do is the following:
1- Search for some sohbah (good companions) and friends who believe in what you believe. You did not mention where you are living, but there must be at least some other Muslim girl in your country who wears the hijab. If you don't know her/them, give it some search. Visit the Islamic center at your place, make an ad, search everywhere and get yourself involved with some Muslim friends. Go out with them, have fun with them and arrange regular meetings together where you discuss religion and problems.
2- Study more of the Qur'an, Sunnah of the Prophet and it would be great if you do that together with your new friends.
3- If you have money, try to travel for a vacation to any Muslim country and visit Islamic centers. You are more than welcome to visit our office of IslamOnline.net in Cairo, Egypt.
4- Don't stay alone and cry! Sit with those who offend you and tell them why you chose Islam. Tell them what you find in it that you didn't find elsewhere. Don't try to convince them with anything. Just talk to them about it because you love it. Speak about what you love.
5- Remind yourself all the time that you are not a "sex object". Promise yourself that you will not be one ever. Feel free of your materialistic body under the security of your hijab. Remember you are a brain, soul, intellects and feelings. You are human. As for your body and physical beauty, you save that for a loving husband that you will chose someday.
6- Pray. I kept this to the end of my short list because it is the most important, not the least. Bow, prostrate and kneel. Ask Allah, the One and Only you chose to worship to help you out. Wake up late at night, before Dawn Prayers and pray two rak`ahs asking Him for His support and help. Love Him and ask for His love. Seek His pleasure by seeing you coming to Him and this is where you WILL find real pleasure.
Check the links provided here, they might be of help:
Truly I say to you, that very few make true prayer, and therefore Satan has power over them, because Allah does not will for those who honour him with their lips, and who ask Him in the Masjid with their lips for mercy, and their heart cry out for justice. Even as He says to `Isa the prophet, saying: "take away this people that is irksome to me, because with their lips they honour me, but their heart is far from me". Truly I say to you, that he that goes to make prayer without consideration mocks of Allah.
Thank you
Answer
Salam, Yusuf.
Your question is not very clear in fact.
If you are asking about Satan's power on humans, I simply tell you that he has no power what so ever!
Satan is a creation of Allah. All he can do is to "decorate" ideas and it is for us to implement the ideas. It is funny how mankind has been gifted by intellect and then -sometimes- make negative choices, then we sit and cry and say: "Oh God, it was Satan"!
My dear, we choose and we act and we get rewarded/punished for our choice.
Back to your question, I am sorry to tell you that I am not happy with it in the first place. I am not happy with your choice of words nor am I happy with the point you are trying to make.
We have had enough blaming Satan and blaming "others". Isn't it about time to put blame aside and to start working on ourselves, our societies, our nation and the development of our Muslim world?
Please don't take my words sensitively, but take my advice into consideration. Let's consider disciplining ourselves before picking on others. This might help us more to provide prosperity to this life and leave a positive mark before we leave it.
