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Name
muj
-
Profession
Question
If a teen wants to talk to his/her parent about their sexual life, how would they talk about it if the parent(s) never mention it or talk about it normally with them?
Answer
As-Salamu`alaykum.
Some questions about sex lives about parents are personal and should not be discussed at all, as we are advised by the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) not to reveal bed room relations with the spouse to anyone else.
However, there are some ways that a child can ask questions, i.e. the son to his father and the daughter to her mother indirectly, and can get some answers. If parents are bashful, they would not discuss their personal sex habits to their children. My sons never asked this from me nor did I initiate this myself. Some sex questions can be answered without giving personal examples. Children will know by observing their parents as to how much they love each other and how much time they want to spend together.
Name
Aisha
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Profession
Question
How does a woman talk to her daughter about sex before the wedding day? It is very embarrasing.
Answer
Hopefully the daughter is of mature age and has undergone some premarital education before marriage and knows about it before she agrees for marriage. In case she is totally naïve, then it is duty of not only her mother but other elder women like aunts, etc. to have private discussion with the young bride and do discuss what happened to them on the first night and what she should expect.
She must be told that it not a one night experience, but a life time companionship. It is important for both the bride and the groom to know and befriend each other first. Sex may come later part of the same night or next night. Obviously, the girl is scared and boy is apprehensive too. Thus, both should be instructed by the counselor of same sex to relax and take it easy and enjoy rather than prove something or get it over.
Name
AA
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Profession
Question
As-Salamu 'alaykum, my question is mainly about my kid. He is 10-year old and he likes to imitate the sex movies he watched with his classmates like kissing and hugging in a very weird behaviour. I talked to him several times but I don't know how to convince him that this is not an Islamic behaviour.
Answer
Wa`alykum As-Salamu Warahmatullah.
He will imitate what he sees. Thus, he should not be allowed to watch those movies nor be allowed to be with those kids. Maybe you should discuss with the mother of those kids. Otherwise, you should tell him that he can not visit them, but his male friends can visit your house and watch only those movies which are approved by you. If we leave our kids in wrong company, then we cannot blame them for learning and doing wrong from others.
Name
amathur rashedd
- India
Profession
housewife
Question
As-Salamu 'alaykum, I have seen since so many times, children playing with their private parts, or each others or even actually enacting a private act. It’s so disturbing, how do I avoid this to happen to my children and the ones in my family? How to keep them preserve their innocence?
Answer
Wa`alykum As-Salamu Warahmatullah.
Teach your children about Haya’ or modesty, that it is a shameful act either to see someone else's private parts or to show your own, that we humans are supposed to keep our private parts covered - that's why they are called private; the word privacy means that only the person or the physician when examining them can see and no other.
Tell them how awful it would be that if all clothes are gone from the world and everyone will be walking naked. Tell them what happened to Adam and Eve when they ate forbidden fruit incited by Satan (use some verses from Quran about it ).
Playing with one’s own private parts is also not desirable. Tell them it may make them feel good but it is a bad habit worse than picking your nose all the time!
Name
Kordia
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Profession
Question
the secret sex habitud..
Answer
Where is the question?
Name
Um Nour..
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Profession
Question
How can I advise my kids about the dangers of the secret sex habitud?
Answer
Kids should not engage in any sexual activity period. You tell them that sex is only for married people only. You can say it is unlawful, sinful and harmful to do so. Harmful in the sense it will take away their innocence and chastity and leave them with guilt complex.
Non-Muslims teach against sex to their kids about pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases fear, but we have more important reasons, i.e. to remain pure. We Muslims do not eat pork because of worms, but because Allah has forbidden us from eating it. That is enough for us. If you instill in your kids (and in ourselves too) the awareness of Allah (taqwa), then it will be easier for them (and us) to decide that what pleases Allah is good and what displeases Him is bad.
Name
nour
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Profession
Question
What if the wife doesn't accomplish sexual satisfaction with her husband, how can she tell him that? ...he might not take it easy.
Answer
She should tell him how she likes to be satisfied or what will please her (under Islamic guidelines). If he loves her, he will do his best to please her and she does not need to fake orgasm though most wives do.
Name
Mariam
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Profession
Question
As-òalamu 'alaykum, your effort is very obvious in you site and all visitors are appreciating the work you are doing and Jazakum Allah Khayran. I am very concerned about my kid. She is very attracted to discuss with her friends sex issues and I noticed several times that she has some porno pictures in her copybooks. When I talked to her, she told me that all friends of her similar age have things like this and they are seeking information about sex via the net or T.V. Please help me, as I don't know what to do.
Answer
Wa`alykum As-Salamu Warahmatullah.
This is the tragedy of our time. Please read my article on pornography in my book on sex education and there are other Islamic articles on this issue as well. Teach your daughter through the famous hadith in which the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) asked the young man addicted to zina if he would like zina performed on his mother, sister, wife, etc. When he said no, then the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) asked, “don't you think that the woman you plan to commit zina with is someone’s wife, daughter or sister?
Similarly, ask your daughter if she or her friends would like her or her friends nude pictures published in a porn magazine. The answer will be NO. Then you tell the hadith "desire for your brother what you desire for yourself" i.e. Haya’, modesty, etc.
Tell her that our eyes will give witness on the Day of Judgment of all crimes we did through them, as will other organs speak against us. Thus we must not misuse any of our faculty though it may give temporary pleasure. Ask her she should be a leader and not a follower. If her friends steal, will she start stealing too?
Name
Hamid
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Profession
Question
How can talking about sex is instructive and good, while the whole idea is for lust and desire...i don't get that. When people are talking about sex, they don't look at the educational or instructive side of it, they look at what incites their desires.
Answer
Good question.
We look at food, but we do not talk about its smell or taste but we eat it!!. Well we eat food when we are hungry, we drink water when thirsty and we engage in sex when we are married, if we are Muslims. This rule does not apply to animals or to those who do not believe in marriage. So we must ask ourselves who we are. Are we to follow our animal instincts or follow the will of God?
Name
Khairat
- Canada
Profession
Question
We do not have female Islamic teacher at the school, and I teach girls. I find it very difficult to teach junior high students about menstruation and how to seek taharah out of it, to teach them about the different excretions and which one requires wudu and which one requires ghusl. can u please let me know how can i discuss these issues in Islamic studies class?
Answer
Wa`alykum As-Salamu Warahmatullah.
You should ask your wife (if you are married) or Imam's wife to teach on this issue. If there is any Muslim woman doctor or nurse in your community, they would be the best teacher on this topic. However, during days of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) women did ask him such questions.
Name
Jonas
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Profession
Question
How can we develop sex education curricula at Islamic schools in the west?
Answer
Please read the first article in my book on sex education. Also Dr. Ahmed Sakr, Hulam Sarwar and Sr. Ruqayya Maqsood have written about it in their books.
In brief, sex education class should be called learning about your body’s function, physiology and changes in puberty etc. should be given by male teacher to male student and female teacher to girls. Class should be divided into age group. Islamic morals should be attached to scientific knowledge. There should be separate pre-marital class to couples 2-3 months before marriage to prepare themselves for the long journey together.
Name
Khalid Mursi
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Profession
Question
My 10-year kid asked me once what does sperm mean, and I was stuck with such question that I told him to look it up in the dictionary, and he came back telling me he did not understand, and I told him I would ask for him? What should I tell him?
Answer
Have you read his biology or science book? Maybe there is a mention of male or female eggs in there. Or maybe ask his science teacher how he will answer this question. Maybe you should ask your son where he got the word from. Maybe you should look up in Webster’s dictionary yourself and then explain to him in simple terms. What if your son asks you what word neuron means, then won't you try to find the answer first yourself. Kids hear words from their peers and they want to know more. It is ok to teach them science as much as they can understand.
Name
Amina
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Profession
Question
My daughter once came from school and asked me to talk privately about something. She told me she saw her friend being kissed by her boyfriend and thought she knows that this is shame for the muslim girl, she felt she needs to do the same as her desires went up and felt very disappointed? What should I tell her?
Answer
Tell her that it is normal to have a desire, but we Muslims must control our desires. Her friend is either a non-Muslim or a non-practicing Muslim. Tell her that Muslim boys or girls do not kiss each other until they grow up and get married. Ask her if she saw her friends smoking cigarette, will she do the same? Tell her what the Qur’an tells us "say to unbelievers! To you is your way of life and to us is our way of life.”
