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Name
Dina
-
Profession
Administrator
Question
I thank-you for this service. I would like to ask you, about women and work. I have my set hours of work and no matter how much I try to complete my work,my boss is always making me late. What can I do?
Answer
As-salamu alaykum Dina.
This is a common experience that many women have to face and some find it most difficult being torn between family and home. The most productive worker is a happy one and one who does not feel guilty about their commitments elsewhere.
If your boss is really interested in making the most out of his employees, then it is in his best interest to consider the employee as a person and not a product. To help him to do this, it might be useful to have joint discussions between management and employees scheduling suitable workshops to decide on the best way forward.
Name
Jonas...
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Profession
Question
Does it need a balance?
Answer
I assume that balance you mean between home and work. Everything requires a speacial kind of balance. In Islam, that balance is based upon acknowledging the rights of everyone involved. The rights of your husband can only best be appreciated if he apreciates your rights and as the Qur`an tells us: "botyhe men and women are friends and protectors of one another: they enjoin the doing of good and forbid the doing of wrong........"
This can only be done, if one appreciates the needs of ones home first, ones needs second and ones work thirdly. Work should be a form of substance that in an Islamic framework, adds to you as a human-being as you add to it. As you go home, that time at home should be for home and for the memebers of that home in roder to enjoy company together.
Name
heba
-
Profession
Question
assalam alikum:
My husband can not comprehend with the idea that I have a better position as him. I have been promoted to be the Department's Head ,while he is an employee in the same company.
This is ruining my family. Any advice!
Answer
As-salamu alaykum sister and I am sorry for the situation that you find yourself in which is quite common.
I can only assume that you live in a Western country. This is not to mean that you should not be promoted for what you have earned, but when what has happened to you occurs, you must place your husband at the fore-front of your mind.
Both the Qur`an and the sunnah, asks us to show compassion to one another, to protect and guard one another. If we feel arrogant, or superior or less able to do the menial tasks that we did before, what kind of problems are we attracting? Your hsuband is your husband and has needs as you have needs and wishes to know that he is important to you as before, that he is still needed as before, and that he still has a role to play as before. In other words, his roles in the family should not be made less and your role when you leave work is to remember who you are to him.
Name
Maria Chan
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Profession
Question
I have been working for at least 10 years now and have a very good experience in my field, engineering but now my kids are asking me to stay home as they really feel they need me but i personnally can not think of myself as a housewife , i am a very active person and doing nothing but cooking and washing dishes is just not my vision of life
Answer
It can be a difficult choice to make, but in order to make the choice easier for you , you have to consider the needs of your children. No matter what anyone tells us, children DO KNOW what they want emotionally and psychologically and when they do not get it from whom they expect, they will go elsewhere for what is their right.
As a mother, the question you pose is one that will always be asked, so ask yourself from a personal poin of view. Why do I want to work? Who benefits? If that benefit includes you emotionally and psychologically, then ask yourself how then do I benefit my children? How am I neglecting them? What is it they need from me that I am not giving to them?
I would like to make a suggestion. For one month, when you leave work everyday, leave work - meaning go home to your children as their mother emtionally, socially and physically. Whilst at home, be there for them as their guide, their confidante, their paly mate, the problem solver, their teacher. Then see how your children feel about you working then.... Who knows maybe the adjustments you might have to make are not as big as you fear, insha-Allah.
Name
Hadiya
-
Profession
House wife
Question
As salaamu alaikum,
I have a friend who has recently had a baby. She is planning on returning to work when the baby is 6 months old due to financial reasons. She is a revert and is in conflict with this. What advice can you provide for her, given that she is mindful of her baby's rights as well? Thanks
Answer
As-salamu alaykum sister it is good that you care for your friend in this way.
The problem that your friend faces although not uncommon, can be emtionally crucifying. No one can feel what that mother feels. One can intellectualize and liberalize the issue, but the feeling remains.
From the dawn of Islam, women have always worked, especially when the husband could not work or if the mother was a widow. Whatever, the situation is, as long as your friend has to go out work because of necessity, then she should feel no guilt. The only problem that she might face is the feeling of guilt for not physically being with her baby. So what becomes important here is that your friend has the emotional support from family and friends to help her as a part of a child-care network system so that at least, your friend can assure that she has proper suitable physical, psychological, and spiritual care for her child.
Name
shahinda osmanov
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Profession
Question
Assalam alikum:
I really have another problem and it has to do with the feeling of guilt. I am the bread winner of the family, however at the same time I know my role as a mother and wife and whenever I return and pick up the kids from the daycare center I just can not get rid of the tremendous feeling of guilt that the little poor kid had to be away with someone else while he needs me and it is me who should take care of him and not just a nanny or a babysitter.
What should I do to get rid of the feeling? I just can not - economically - stay at home.
Answer
My dear sister,
this is an eternal question that can only be answered according to one's situation. Once we find ourselves in situations whereby the breadwinner of the family is not a loving and caring husband who does his best to provide for all the needs of the family within reason then the need to work has to be identified when it comes to having children.
What is most important is assuring oneself that one is doing ones best to provide for ones children not just materially. Does one spend time with the children to see what is going on in their lives, to play with them, enjoy them. Does one make sure that one achives ones best at work in terms of time -management so that when one leaves work at the end of the day one truely goes home to the children who are waiting to be with their 'mother'.
All in all, if one can manage the external forces that prevents one from spending time at home with the family, then the less guilt one should feel. What is important here is that one makes the most of work in order to offer in reward through ones pyschological/skills development to the home. In this way, work is not just about brining home the pay packet, but becomes a part of the development of the family.
Name
a Muslimah
-
Profession
Question
My boss is really bossy and this makes me very frustrated and my husband is very jealous especially when I talk about collegues and about my boss. He says always :" Why do you obey him while you should be obeying me".
It is mere jealousy. What should I do? Any advice!
Answer
Oh my dear sister, of course it is!!!! But it is one you should be in control of.
In this troubled world, what most people want at the end of the day is to go home to a place that is a haven from the outside world. How many people actually get to do that? You know there might be a common link between how many husbands actually stay at home in the evenings and the environment of the home. What does this have to do with your question?
Well if you bring home work issues/work, who is being ignored? Who is not being catered for, cared for and provided for? What you have within your power, is the ability to leave work at work.This you owe to the #1 man in your life, your husband. What you owe to your boss, is to remind him that you are an employee and that if he has any concerns then they should be expressed in a manner that you can attempt to do something about it, however, first of all clarify why he is frustrated and in the most officious of ways so that the work isue can be resolves as soon as possible. In this manner you should have greater control over your role at home.
Name
ABDUL WAHAD
- India
Profession
STUDENT
Question
Assalamu Alaikkum
What about your opinion on both huband and wife having jobs? Actually this makes us in a dilemma because when the case of kids and parents take in to account it feels bad, but for a widow it seems job is necessery . So please shed light on my question.
Answer
As-salamu alaykum brother.
The question you asked is a very contemporary issue. Whether we like it or not, the reality is that many homes require the income of both husband and wife. Yet to what extent?
We live in an extremely materialistic world: In Surat-ul Nisa 4:32 it says:
" And do not covet that by which Allah has made some of you excel others; men sahll have the benefit of what they earn and women should have the benefit of what they earn; and ask Allah of His Grace".
With this ayat in mind, we therefore need to look at what is necessary to the home and what can be sacrificed for what period of time. If we can do this honestly, then as a couple, it will be easier to see if the wife needs to work full-time or part-time and for how long. However, in saying this, what has to be born in mind is that a wife who needs to always be in the process of extending herself intellectually , needs to be working and active in community and can become restless and bored and basically difficult, if they are forced to stay at home.
Therefore, from the point of view of a healthy family psychologically and physically, it must be determined whether the wife can be more productive to the family by going to work or by staying at home.
Name
h - e
-
Profession
Question
Can you give me some practical advice of how a working wife and mother can best manage her limited time at home with husband and children.
I have a problem in that.
Answer
Greetings to you.
A`isha, a wife of Prophet Muhammed said: "He used to work for his family, and when he heard the adhan (call for prayer), he would go out." (Bukhari 7:64 #276)
For some husbands the idea of being active at home is not a difficult one. In relation to your question, what this means is that the wife is not left to feel that all the dutied of the home is on her shoulders. With this in mind the wife is more able to relax, because that surely is a part of the key. To enjoy being at home, means that the sense of time changes making it a creative part of ones life as each member takes responsibility for one another. Howevere from experience the following might be worth considering:
1)As soon as the children come home, have a kind of evening in mind whereby, they unwind from the day.
2) Give the children time to freshen up and have a healthy meal.Have it together.
3) Allow them to spend time with their father. If he is not home, they should be able to speak with him on the phone.
4) Homework.Do not neglect them while they are doing it, be there for anyone who needs help. But at the same time teach them to depend on themselves gradually.
5) Activities (either at home or outdooors) helps to burn that excess energy.
6) A cooling down period whereby they not only slow down their biorhythms, but are more receptive subconsciously. Then they will be mor able to open up about any concerns that they have before BEDTIME!
Then the rest of the evening belongs to you and your husband provided that the children have a set bedtime!
Name
Muslimah
- United States
Profession
Question
In the US, with so many Muslim women not in the workplace (compared to men), it seems like these women are the prime candidates to lead the Muslim community by being available to volunteer and attend a lot of activities. For instance, I went to a Jumah Khutbah on a Friday afternoon (during the work-week) and there were many more women there than men because most men couldn't leave work to attend. What do you think of this situation and how can we Muslims use this situation to our advantage? Thanks!
Answer
As-salamu alaykum sister.
The issue that you are referring to is a social issue which does not take into consideration why there are less Muslim women at work.
For there to be develeopment in this area, it would be up to the many Muslim voluntary organizations and instiutions to consider this as a way forward to harmononize and bring balance into the Muslim commmmunities on the U.S.
Name
mashoowd
- Saudi Arabia
Profession
Office Manager
Question
My working hours are too long and is coping with my family's needs. I work from 8:30 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. with three hours break between 1 p.m. and 4 p.m. After my first between 1 p.m. and 4 p.m. I could take only lunch and half an hour relaxe. And again when I finished the duty it is alomost 9 p.m.. Therefore I have no sufficinet time to spend with my only son and wife. Most of the time when I come for duty my son cries out a lot. Although I work here I do not have relative or firends to visit. But in any circumstances I find no time to spend. I tried to convince my my management explaining my situation but they are not going to change the duty. I feel I can find a better job if I tried but afraid of getting release from my current sponsor. Please I need your advise
Answer
As-salamu alaykum dear brother.
You are indeed putting yourself under a tremendous strain. Not only is it unfair on your son and your wife, but it is also unfair on you. You will not be able to sustain this for much longer and I am sure that you know this.
This is why work as a necessity in stressed in Islam. Sometimes we can push ourselves far too much for what in the long term will serve to be detrimental as opposed to beneficial. To fear that the future will not provide as well as it does today is to not have faith in the blessings of Allah, and to not trust in Allah's ability to provide for us if we are faithful and sincere.
Your current job may be financially beneficial, but this benefit will be surpassed by the damage it can do to your well-bein and the well-being of your family.
Within your own question you have provided an answer and that is that you must seek alternative employment and I am sure with your faith, patience and trust in Allah the Merciful, that things will improve all round, `insha-Allah.
Name
Amy
- United States
Profession
Question
Do you think more Muslim women are deciding to postphone having kids or not have them altogether ?
Answer
Greetings to you .
Yes, Muslim women are choosing to postphone having children however this is not to be confused with feministic issues.
There are many reasons, the major one being the cost of living. Whether one lives in the East or the West, the reality is, to find suitable and respectable education is becoming more and more difficult hence, one is more likely to seek private education or homeschooling. As the cost of education continues to rise, women are increasingly forced to make choices.
Another reason for the delay in having children is because of delayed marriage which is also due to the increased cost of living. When conditions of employment become uncertain, young men tend to delay issues of marriage until they establish themselves.
However, the issue of not having kids altogether lies only in the realm of those marriages whereby a couple has made the decision to live life only for themselves which is more frequent within secular societies than Muslim communities.
Name
Paul
-
Profession
Question
In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.
What is Islam's view of stay-at-home fathers - men raising their toddlers at home while their wife works? That is my situation. I just became a Muslim and my wife is a 'Person of the Book'. My wife and I both agreed on this arrangement, thus some people have said the situation is alright. It is a lot harder raising children than I thought, but am learning many things.
Thanks for your time.
Answer
As-salamu alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa baraktuh brother.
You are indeed going through many changes in your life and we pray for your continued guidance `insha-Allah.
In this situation what you are doing are two things:
a) You are providing for a period of growth and change as you mature inside Islam for both you and you wife.
b) You are allowing your wife to contribute to the home in a manner that might be most apporpriate for everyone right now.
Human growth and development is not about the stereotyped roles of gender that we have set for ourselves, but knowing who we are as men, women and our changing roles in relation to each other as times demand from us all.
What however remains important, is that your wife remembers who you are and continues to repsect and honor you and vice versa.
