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Name
Help!!
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Profession
Question
I am a Muslim teen who go influenced by one of my peers till I started taking drugs. I am really in a critical situation, I can’t tell my parents, and I don’t wish to continue this way as I believe it is gonna end up in jails. What should I do?
Answer
Wa`alykum As-Salamu warahmatullahi wabarakatuh.
In the Name of Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His messenger.
First of all, you should seek Allah's help with sabr (patience) and offering Salah (the prayer). The most beloved deeds to Allah are the obligatory duties He has laid upon us. So I advise that you make tawbah to Allah, that is to repent to Allah, with a sincere repentance and strive earnestly not to return to the negative behaviors that you are engaged in. It is also advisable that you disassociate yourself from the peers with whom you are involved in drugs with. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: "Be careful whom you take as friends, for you will take on the religion of your friends."
Name
F
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Profession
Question
As-Salamu`alykum Imam, I want to know how can I know I am on the right path? I find it hard to distinguish right and wrong, because I always think 'did the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) do this?' or more crucially 'WOULD the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) have done this?' I refer to watching T.V (Islamic programs), social photographs at gathering/conferences, and things like nasheeds (Islamic songs) with synthesized drum beats. I am in such a dilemma, I always feel I am going the way of the Hypocrite (munafiq) I want to reach the answer to help me clear my mind to effectively be a Muslim for the sake of Allah. Jazaka Allahu khairan.
Answer
Alhamdulillaah, on the contrary, you should know that better persons than us use to think the same way. When the Companions of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) were with him, they would feel a strong sense of iman, but when they were attending to their ordinary affairs of daily life, they thought that they were munafiq because they felt they were not as devoted to the deen (religion) when they were involved in mundane affairs.
It is very good to be able to guide your actions and decisions by the example of the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), in fact is a must that we do so as Muslims. Only then can we be sure that our actions and decisions will be in accordance with what Allah has made lawful for us.
As for the matters that you have mentioned such as TV, photographs, nasheeds, there is a wealth of information on various authentic Islamic websites that can give you the correct ruling regarding these matters. Also it is advisable to consult with your local Imam so that you can get the evidences directly pertaining to these matters, and Allah knows best...
Editor:
You may refer to the following links for further information:
What do you do when all your friends are calling you geek simply because you don’t act cool or have a girl friend?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His messenger.
If your friends are Muslims who are calling you geek, then they should be reminded to fear Allah, and refer them to Surah Al-Hujurat where Allah forbids calling offensive nicknames. If they are not Muslims, and they are calling you these names, then it's time for some real friends, get rid of them if they persist. Acting cool and having girlfriends, is definitely not cool with Allah. So who are we trying to please most, Allah? Or our so-called 'friends?'
Name
Ameer
- Canada
Profession
Question
Brother Mutahhir, from your experience and resume it shows you have experience in dealing with youth under drugs. I have few questions in this regard:
1. How do you discover if your child is taking drugs if they don’t tell you?
2. Is there any physical symptom that you can see that would tell you about someone taking drugs?
3. If you get to know your child is under drugs, what is the first step you should take? I know it is very hard for some parents that they burst into tears and then get emotional and even violent sometimes, but I am asking about the first step recommended?
Answer
Usually there will be signs of drug usage displayed by the user, such as mood swings, uncontrolled anger spurts, secretiveness, apathy in cleanliness, and negligence of Islamic duties, to name a few. It is recommended to familiarize one's self with the knowledge of the various types of substances and their effects, and symptoms. It may be necessary at some point to even require a drug test if there is strong indication that the youth may be involved in using.
When a parent realizes that his or her child is in fact using drugs, it is very important that the parent let the child know that they want to help them to recognize the problem so that the child can get the necessary help. To take punitive action as a first step usually only makes matters worse. The child needs to know that you sincerely want to help them, but it also requires that we be firm with them as well. The using child has to know that he or she is putting the entire household in jeopardy by using drugs, especially if there are younger children present that could be adversely affected by the bad example.
Again, as in all times of fitnah or tests, we as parents must demonstrate patience, and seek Allah's help in this matter. Consult other parents, and the local Imam(s) for their advice. It is recommended that the community, parents, etc. could arrange for a youth forum to allow for the youth to express their concerns and their feelings about these matters, in a non-threatening way so that they can be honest and feel safe within an Islamic setting.
Allah knows best.
Name
Umm Yusra
- Canada
Profession
Question
I have a problem getting my kids interested in Islamic fun activities. Every time they go to the mosque, they say it is boring there. I bought some Islamic CDs but they contain much Arabic, so they don’t appeal to them. Any suggestions?
Answer
I would suggest that you try to find Islamic audio-visual materials that are in English that may appeal to them. Also, it may help to get their suggestions as to some of their interests, and then look at those interests from an Islamic perspective. Maybe doing some general recreational activities with them, like bowling, family picnics, hiking, boating, etc. can be a start to balance the Islamic activities that you want them to be involved in. The mosque should have a youth committee where the young Muslims can come together to do various fun activities together under Muslim supervision. Of course, there should be a Muslim Boys' Group and a Muslim Girls' Group. If you don't have this in your masjid you might try to assist in starting it.
Name
Faruq
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Profession
Question
I am a student studying overseas. My parents, siblings are all Muslims but their iman is very weak. What should I do to help them gaining a strong iman & understand Islam completely? Also, I need an advice about marriage. Since I am studying in a non-Muslim country, fitna (temptation) is all around me everyday. So, I decided to marry as soon as possible but my Family disagrees. What should I do?
Answer
The first thing one should do is to make du'a’ to Allah that He protect your family, and increase in their hearts the love for Him, His Messenger, and His deen. You should constantly encourage them to fear Allah, and to keep their duty to Him. Encourage them to attend the masjid regularly and involve themselves in Islamic Studies classes, and to be with those who love the deen.
As for the marriage, you should make du'a’ul istikharah (the prayer asking for Allah's Guidance) and whatever Allah makes easy for you, as long as it is Halal., then go for it insha’Allah. Remember there is no obedience to the creation in disobedience to Allah. And Allah knows best.
Name
M.
- United Kingdom
Profession
Question
If you love a girl and you are not ready for marriage, can you ask her to wait for you and you keep good relations without dating?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His messenger.
Almighty Allah tells us that it is not blameworthy if we conceal our love or affection for someone, as long as we have no desire or intention to carry on secret affairs. It is commendable for both of you to wait, i.e. to be patient, and to stay away from any temptation or inclination to the haram.
I suggest that you should also share this matter with your parents and ask for their advice, letting them know that you trust their judgment in this matter.
Allah knows best.
Name
Fatuma
- Kenya
Profession
Question
How does Islam view the love of money and the desire to be a millionaire?
Answer
As Muslims, we have to love Allah and His Messenger more than we love anyone and anything in the dunya (material world). As far as wealth is concerned, it is to serve as a tool to bring us closer to Allah the Almighty, such as enabling us to give more zakah and sadaqah, and to help in Allah's Cause.
So wealth is only a means to an end, not the end in itself. We should use wealth as a means to earn Allah’s pleasure and the lasting reward of Jannah, insha’Allah. Allah tells us to strive with the means He has provided us for the Home of the hereafter, but don't forget our share of this life. Allah is the Provider, and the Enricher, and He has apportioned out our earnings by His qadr (Divine Decree). So no matter how much one may desire to be a millionaire, if Allah has not decreed it, it will not happen.
Name
Abdulla
- United States
Profession
business
Question
As-Salamu `alykum, al-hamdulillah I have three teenage boys and also three daughters born and raised in New York. We tried hard to bring them up as a good Muslims but all the work didn’t work especially the boys when they reach the age of 13 they disobey in the house and in school, they get kicked out of the school and I kicked them out of my house too. I am not talking to them because they not working or going to school; it look like every one has his own problem to handle. What should the Muslims do as a community to handle this problem together? Salamu`alykum.
Answer
Allah has said that our spouses, and our children are a fitnah, or a trial. Also that from among them are those who are our enemies. But He commands us to be patient. Make constant du'a’ for them insha’Allaah that Allah will guide them back to His Straight Path.
Sometimes, our youth have to learn the hard way, even after we have done our best. I would not advise kicking them out of the home unless it is the last resort after you have done your best to reach them and to work with them, being patient and open in your communications, and expectations of them. If they are under the age of legal majority, you will be held liable should something happen to them after they have been put out. Not to mention how will Allah look at this action.
It is very important for the Muslim community to provide an Islamic environment for our children's social and educational development. We should not, cannot rely on the non-Muslim authorities to do for us what Allah has commanded us to do for ourselves. If the problems persist, then professional counseling may be needed, for the youth, and for the entire family. Family group counseling among the Muslim families facing these problems together can be of great benefit, provided you can get everyone in the family to commit themselves to the process...
Name
Adil
- Indonesia
Profession
Question
How do you lower your gaze? It is good to remember Allah, but what other motives can help you lower your gaze?
Answer
Just Do it! Allah says in the Qur'an that when an evil suggestion comes to mind, we should seek refuge with Him from the Shaytan. Try casting your gaze to something that is lawful from Allah’s creation, and remember that the zina (fornication) of the eye is an unlawful look which can weaken our hearts and make us give in to the haram.
Name
Khalid
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Profession
Question
Can boys and girls play together as long as they don’t do bad things and they don't touch?
Answer
It is not permissible for girls and boys who are of the age of puberty to play together if they are not mahram for each other (i.e. close relatives that are not lawful to marry) As for younger children, they should be encouraged to play separately unless they are supervised by responsible Muslim adults. As for touching, there must not be touching of adolescent boys and girls who are not mahram for one another. And Allah knows best.
Name
saad
- Pakistan
Profession
student
Question
As-Salamu`Alaykum . Thank you for taking my question. The desire to watch western movies is incarnated in me. I find them so cool. But I find that they take me away from my purpose in life and leave me in an imaginary world. How can I help myself in refraining from it?
Answer
It would help to involve yourself in more Islamic activities such as tarbiyyah (Islamic Education) and da'wah. Reading Allah’s Book, and increasing your 'ibaadah, asking that Allah make you strong enough to resist them. Remember too, that most of the cinema today, are produced and controlled by the enemies of Islam who want to occupy, not only our lands, but our minds as well…
Name
Muslim
- United States
Profession
Question
I get so much whispers from the shaitan to go bad, I continue to fight but sometimes, when it gets hard, I masturbate. I am doing wrong?
Answer
Allah has said the "Believers will be successful...who refrain from sex, (except what Allah has made lawful). There are varying opinions on the matter of masturbation, however the majority opinion is that this act is haram and harmful and should be avoided. Allah has commanded the single man and woman to fast until they can marry. Fasting helps to control the sexual desire and lessen the appetite so why not try Allah’s remedy?
Name
Zaman
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Profession
Question
How do you see the Muslim communities in North America dealing with the youth when it comes to power? Most, if not all, the Islamic centers and institutions I have ever seen are run by the OLD Nationalistic Figures!! When are we going to give the youth a chance to lead instead of just talking?
Answer
The communities must first realize that this is a problem before they can accept the challenge of doing something about the problem. Encourage the elders of the community to see themselves as being a part of a long-distance relay race, and in order for us to win, i.e. to establish Islam, we cannot hold on to the baton, we have to pass it on to the next generation, because our time is running out. And Allah knows best...
Name
Umm Nadiya
- United States
Profession
Question
I heard that smoking kills 7 million people in the world yearly. If that is true, what advice you give to our youth?
Answer
To fear Allah, and know that our bodies don't belong to us to do with as we like, but they are a trust from Allah for which we will be held accountable to Him on the Day of Judgment (yaumul qiyamah). How will it be when our tongues, our lips, our hands, our lungs, will be made to speak against us for the abuse that we may have afflicted them with?
Name
Muslima
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Profession
Question
I feel like acting as a boy. I don't want to be a gay, but I feel inside that I am a boy, acting like a boy, dressing and even talking like a boy. Can I undergo surgery to transform into a boy? If not, what should I do with my feelings?
Answer
It is absolutely haram to undergo surgery to change one's sex. Allah has forbidden us to change the fair nature that He has created. I would recommend that you sincerely pray to Allah to set your affairs aright, and if necessary, seek counseling from Muslims whom you trust to help you in this matter. Remember that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said that the men who dress like women, and the women who dress like men, are cursed, and we seek refuge with Allah from that.
Name
Housseh
- United States
Profession
Question
As-Salamu`alykum warahmatullah. One of the main attractions the Muslim youth are facing in North America is the issue of evil temptations. This becomes noticeable when kids go to high school and then get exposed to an environment that is based on promiscuity and unlimited freedom. I believe Islamic schools do offer some solutions, but do you think they are the only solutions? What about areas where Islamic schools do not exist? What if you can’t afford paying for 5 kids, for example? How do you protect your children, especially girls, at this particular time? Can you suggest some practical tips?
Answer
Home schooling is among the best alternatives in the absence of the Muslim school. Also, it may be best to consider hijrah (migration) to an environment where there is an Islamic School.
Name
Ali
- Canada
Profession
Question
I want to marry a girl but her parents disagree? Their excuse is I don't have a degree yet, but I don't want to lose such a righteous girl. What shoudl I do?
Answer
Make salatul istikharah, and ask your local Imam to counsel with you and your parents. Also to counsel with the sister and her parents. One of the problems in our communities today is that the parents are sometimes making it difficult for their children to adhere to the deen, by making marriage hard for them. Our Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said that there are three things that should be done at their earliest times, prayer in it's time, salatul janazah (funeral prayer), and marrying when a suitable mate is found. It would be much better for the young Muslim brother and sister to marry, than for them to be left to the possibility of fahisha (haram acts), and may Allah save us from that, ameen.
Name
Fouad
-
Profession
Question
My mother always refuses any girl I choose for marriage based on racial problems. I got to the point that I wanna marry no matter what parents think, is this wrong?
Answer
Sometimes parents are particular about the marital choices of their children because they are looking out for their best interest and don't want them to make a mistake the first time around. Sometimes the parents can set unrealistic expectations that make it difficult for the child to fulfill his Islamic obligations to marry if he has the means and has found a suitable mate. Seek Allah’s help with patience and salah, for indeed Allah is with those who are patient. Discuss the matter with them, with the evidences from Qur'an and authentic Sunnah, and seek counseling from your local Imam.
Name
Rashad
- Canada
Profession
Question
What can the community do to help young men and women get married through halal avenues? Do you know of any experience in this?
Answer
The masjid or Islamic Centers can hold seminars or lectures on the Fiqh of Nikah and all matters pertaining to marriage. The Imam should encourage that the mahr/doweries not be excessive, so that it would facilitate the marriage with ease. Above all, seek the means to increase our taqwa and seek the mates who possess the taqwa.
Name
Aisha
-
Profession
Question
Is smoking haram? I know it is harmful but is it haram?
Answer
According the majority of the scholars of our ummah, smoking is haram. Allah has said in His Book "do not use your hands for your own destruction!" and "the spendthrifts are the brothers of Ash-Shaytan." There is enough scientific and social statistics to back this up, but the sincere believer says "we hear and we obey."
Finally, we would like to thank Imam Mutahhir Sabree for speaking to Islamonline viewers today, and we also thank all those who participated in this dialogue. We apologize for not being able to accommodate all the questions within the time allocated to this session. We request our readers to join us in the upcoming sessions.
