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Answer
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Name
Rabieah
- Australia
Profession
Traveller along the path to God
Question
Assalamu Alaikum Brother.
Can you tell me what aims you would like to achieve in these discussions?
Is it for the Muslim entity to acheive acceptance to this taboo?
Will it address issues that may improve each and every individual who, through social media conditioning, find it ok to have an inclination towards it?
Having being in this predicament in my teenage years and have been - Alhamdulillah - guided out from it, I'd like to mention three things.
I think with this issue of homosexuality amongst Muslims, it has to be understood and analyzed along the psychological and spiritual plane.
Each member of the society, especially in the West, are conditioned towards narcisstic ideals - individual rights, in other words, focussing too much on how others should treat and accept you, instead of duty towards the improvement of the quality of social cohesion in our big Muslim family known as the the Muslim Ummah.
Each member should instead recognise their individual skills and qualities given by Allah, and utilize them to improve the brotherhood amongst Muslims - which I may add - is struggling a lot at the moment.
Secondly, with the introduction of the feminist movement in the last century, there has been much tension within the family unit. There is much focus on women's rights and woman*power* etc - simply put, the functional gender roles have been shaken. Women are convinced that they should substitute their feminity and its duty - the glue that bonds the family together, to masculinity, adding tension in family-unit.
Celebrate one's feminity (or masculinity) through thankfulness of the One Who created from nothing.
Thirdly, the transition between childhood and adulthood is characterised by an ambition, a search for wholeness, and its vehicle is love. Love of cars, love of shopping, love of games, love of drugs, love of the opposite sex, love of the same sex... but love of God is always the last (or second last) option. Indeed humans are created hasty.
We will all return to Allah, willingly or not, our journeying is to Him.
He is Fountainhead-Source of Love and our enduring source of happiness and wholeness, so aim to Him humbly and wholeheartedly, brothers and sisters
***You will not be rejected, insha Allah***
Wassalaam to all.
Answer
Wa alaikum ssalam my dear sister,
The aims of this initiative are to draw attention to this issue amongst the Muslim community. The chosen title "Beyond condemnation" is due to the fact that we can't just keep on hearing the same rhetoric from some scholars over and over again about how homosexuals should be punished but rather about how they should be helped.
The condition that people struggling with same-sex attractions find themselves in is one that is very difficult indeed and most of the time they are unable to disclose their feelings to anyone close to them. This in turn leads to deep depression, and, sadly, could also lead down the path of sin (even to suicide) my Allah protect us all.
The facts that you mentioned are well articulated. There may be many factors that contribute to someone getting same-sex attractions. Sometimes it is childhood sexual abused and other times it is simply the way that the environment that one was brought up in. The point is that this requires further attention, and, as far as I know, this attention is not yet widely available. This is why dialogues like this, in my opinion, are very important.
Thank you for your kind words and keep us all in your prayers.
Waalaikum assalam
Name
Sayed Faiz
- India
Profession
IT professional
Question
How to treat "gays" in a Islamic society. Why many claims that it is natural.How to encounter such claims.
Answer
Assalamu alaikum,
I am not a doctor to treat gays. I can only offer my perspective and those of people that I've met. I think that we are all in need of self development in whatever area that we lack. One of the ways that we can deal with same-sex attractions is the same that we deal with opposite-sex attractions.
In Islam, only sexual intercourse through marriage of a male and a female is allowed. So, so long as someone is not married, he/she needs to protect his/herself from this act. Whether it be by lowering the gaze or avoiding steps that lead to haraam acts. There are, of course, other steps. There are some doctors who offer what is called "reparative therapy".
This is not something that I deal / dealt with myself so I cannot comment much about it.
In terms of homosexuality being something that is "natural" there has been no conclusive study showing that this is the case. Even if this is the case, we always always have control over our actions, no matter what. That is why we believe that it is not the attractions to the same sex that are sinful but rather any action that results out of these attractions that is sinful, and of course Allah knows best.
Wassalamu alaikum.
Name
Fatimah
- Gambia
Profession
operator
Question
Assalamualaykum,
I am very please to forward my question as far as Islam is concerned,my the Almighty Allah reward u.
My question is how to make your husband happy? jazakallahu
Answer
Assalamu alaikum,
If your question is in general then I would suggest that you submit it to the Cyber Counselor section of this website. If you mean how to make a husband happy who is dealing with same-sex attractions?
I feel that the best way if he has confided these feelings in you is to try and understand him and understand that this was something that is very difficult for him to share.
If you mean that you are suffering from same-sex attractions and you want to please your husband, I would suggest that you actually sit down with him and discuss what it is that you both want that will make either of you happy.
Communication is the key to all marriages (it's a cliche I know but it is true!).
Wassalamu alaikum.
Name
Billy
- Zimbabwe
Profession
computer operator
Question
What are good qualities of a good wife?
Answer
Salam,
This is a loaded question that I feel I really can't answer here :) It is best to ask someone whom you trust as an elder to you and who knows you in order to help you with your selection.
Name
Abd Allah
-
Profession
Question
Al salam alaykum. I have listened to some "gay Muslim activists" legitimize their homosexuality by using both historical and religious text (quranic & hadith).
For example, one "activist" blamed Victorian England's conservative coloinial policy in Muslim lands for banning homosexal acts; acts that he says were "accepted" in Muslim societies. Can you please list some of the "reasonings" that these actvists use and provide a critique of them.
Answer
Assalamu alaikum,
My brother Rasheed Eldeen from the Eye on Gay Muslims blog (http://gaymuslims.wordpress.com) had the following to say:
Wa 'alaykum as-salam,
The types of reasoning they use are various, and we try to provide thorough responses on our blog. The starting point in having this sort of dialogue is to know what Islam is and how its rulings are derived. If we can agree that the Qur'an and Sunnah are the sources and authority for all Muslims to return to, then we have somewhere to start (and this applies to all debate on Islamic issues).
Unfortunately we do find many of these activists rejecting the authority of the Sunnah, as that is their first strategy in denying the texts that prove the falsehood of their ideas and evil of their actions. Then the next strategy is to claim that the Qur'an is unclear on the matter, such as to say that the story of the Prophet Lut (pbuh) is not about homosexuality at all, but in fact about their lack of hospitality(!!) A more subtle approach is to claim that they weren't condemned for the acts themselves, but because they were forced (i.e. rape): this finds no support in the Qur'anic text except according to some people's vain desires.
We find others who place little importance on those sources, and instead focus on what some poets wrote, purportedly showing that homosexuality was acceptable in Muslim society. These claims are highly dubious, but even if we were to assume they are true, does this prove that Islam accepts this, or in other words, that Allah will not punish those who indulge in these actions? Of course not, as we don't judge the religion by its followers, especially not those who deviate from its teachings.
In any case, we like to make clear that any reasoned discussion is welcome, but unfortunately the "Queer Muslim" activists place little importance in clarifying their arguments, and have turned down various offers to debate.
Name
anonymous
-
Profession
Question
Do you believe that community leaders should talk more about the struggle of homosexuality that some brothers face? It seems that it's rarely spoken about. What that help a brother like you? Or, could it cause more harm by people starting to over-worry about the problem? What do you believe the Mulism community should do to address this challenge that obviously exists?
Answer
Assalamu alaikum,
Jazaka Allah khair for the very important question. I believe that the responsibility lies on both the community leaders and on those struggling alike.
Many people do not understand this issue fully and feel that it is something that is foreign (some leaders believe that this issue doesn't even exist !) So, I believe that it has to be done with both wisdom and understanding.
My dream would be for a youth to be able to go up to his parents and confide in them his struggle. I do know some parents who have been wonderful in helping their kids and I pray that this will one day become the majority insha'Allah.
I believe what there is alot of work to be done. There is community awareness about the issue and that the people that are struggling are Muslims just like anyone else. They should not be rejected and they don't need to hear that they are "going to be burning in hell" for simply having these feelings. We need to have awareness and separation between same-sex attractions and same-sex encounters and actions.
Encounters and actions based on the attractions are what is sinful and not the feelings themselves. I feel that this point needs to be made clear because there are many young people who feel that they've been condemned to hell for simply having such feelings. This cannot and must not continue.
I believe that those struggling themselves need to tell their stories, even if they are anonymous. We need those others that are struggling to know that living a full Muslim lifestyle is possible. Even marriage is possible. And that controlling these desires that they have is a form of mujahadat alnafs. They are struggling against their nafs.
So, in short, and God willing, there will come a day when this information will be widely available and where people will no longer look at this issue as a condemnation but rather as a test from Allah that they can pass with His help.
Wassalamu alaikum.
Name
Dori
-
Profession
Question
Assalam Alaikum
I think that if a person discovers that he/she is homosexual, he is the only one who can fix this out of a strong personal will.
If you don't find this offensive, I would like to ask when and how did you decide to put an end to your dilemma?
Answer
Wa alaikum assalam,
Thank you for your question. Yes, of course, the will to change one's lifestyle must come from the person his / her self. We have people on the group (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/StriaghtStruggle) who have converted to Islam and left the lifestyle. I agree with you that the will must be there. However, the help must also be available. Allah created us as a collective, human beings, as a collective believers and we must also work and try to help each other in all our ordeals.
For myself, as you mentioned, it took some deep thinking and realization in order to change the lifestyle. However, as soon as I did this, alhamdulilah, I landed upon the above mentioned group. And, through dialogue, through communication of ideas, through sharing between each other and getting help and helping others, it was much easier for me to realize my goal, alhamdulilah.
Many times people struggling against their attractions do not know that there are others out there just like them who have gone through what they are going through and who can offer them comfort and advice in order to deal with the issues that they are facing. This is why public awareness is also required, so that people do not feel isolated or alone.
God knows best.
Assalamu alaikum.
Name
Rahma
-
Profession
Question
I understand that you has experienced same sex tendency before, do you beleive in reparative or psychological therapy as the way out? Or it is only the will with the help of Allah, and others' support?
Answer
Salam sister,
I have never been to reparative or any other type of therapy myself however there are some who have and it has worked for them. I cannot really comment on it as I am really not very familiar with it (and I'm definitely not a doctor).
For me, the biggest help was to make realizations about life and to get myself closer to religion and closer to my brothers and sisters in faith. It also helped when I got more involved in my faith and working for it, alhamdulilah.
Of course everything happens by the will of Allah but we must seek help when we need it.
Wassalamu alaikum
Name
Ahmad
-
Profession
Question
Can you tell us more about the support group you are in and how are you helping other homosexuals who want to repenant?
Answer
Assalamu alaikum,
The Straight Struggle group is formed of brothers and sisters who want a way out of their same-sex attractions (or at least a way on how to deal with them to a point where these attractions are no longer controlling their lives).
What we offer is support, mostly through conversation, and offering advice that will allow the person to gain better control of their attractions. Most of this advice is ways in self-discipline (not looking at porn websites, not indulging in self gratification etc.) and some advice to realize one's masculinity by hanging out with brothers (and femininity for the sisters).
Hanging out with members of the same sex is very important because it teaches you skills that the struggler never had a chance to learn in life. You learn how to see members of your own sex as equals to you and as fellow human beings and not sex objects.
Most of the time we are offering and receiving advice from people and sharing ideas. It is really a friendly environment where people (most of the time anonymously) get to speak their mind.
Wassalamu alaikum.
Name
Soli
-
Profession
Question
I want to raise my hat for you for quitting this behavior and more for helping others.
In your case, what is the most important factor that helped you quitting?
Answer
Assalamu alaikum,
May Allah make me even better than what you think of me and may He hide my faults that you do not know about me.
Jazakum Allah khair for your kind words.
The most important factor, I would say, was developing this will power to change through my faith and through my closeness to my brothers and sisters in faith.
Wassalamu alaikum.
Name
Somayah
-
Profession
Question
Does the gay normally recover from the habbit of practicing homosexuality after seeking repentance from Allah, or he never recovers?
Answer
Assalamu alaikum,
That is a tricky question. If by gay you mean same-sex attractions...from experience, I have to say that sometimes the attractions are still there but it is learning how to DEAL with the attractions that is the most important part.
However, I can't obviously speak for everyone else as there may be people who are 100% rid of their attractions.
and Allah knows best.
Wassalamu alaikum.
Name
Renad
- Egypt
Profession
Question
As you see, I live in Egypt and I want to ask you if you have friends or people in your support group from the developping world or not.
And also do you think that seeking treatment in a developping country is much tougher than a developped one?
Answer
Assalamu alaikum,
The group has people from all over the world and yes, we do have members from Egypt.
Treatment is available, I personally have never been to treatment before but I can say that yes it is available in Muslim countries (Egypt for example).
However, I am also aware of treatments available in Canada, Australia and the US (sometimes by Muslim doctors but also from non-Muslims who believe that SSA are not something that is "natural").
Wassalamu alaikum.
Name
Nescoooz
-
Profession
Question
Salaam
First I want to say that I’m glad that you was able to get over such crisis. May Allah bless you and keep us all away from committing sins.
From your own perspective as an ex-homosexual, how do you see it? A disease or a personal inclination?.
Thanks
Answer
Assalamu alaikum,
Jazakum Allah khair for your kind words. May Allah bless you and all of us.
From my perspective I believe that it is something that is a result of many factors. As I mentioned earlier, many strugglers are often abused as children (this is also a topic that needs much more attention, in my opinion). But also as a result of the environment that one is brought up in and what his / her position is within the family. For example, you'll find many strugglers who are the youngest males in their families etc.
So, while I'm not an expert, I think I can offer the above perspective.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalamu alaikum.
Name
khabir
-
Profession
Question
Salaam, brother. Thank you for taking the time to be here and speak with us.
I was wondering if you could share some your own story dealing with these issues, any personal experience you may have had in overcoming same sex attractions. For example, have you found any techniques that have been helpful in getting these kinds of feelings under control?
W'salaam.
Answer
Assalamu alaikum brother,
May Allah reward you for your kindness.
Sure, for me, as I mentioned, keeping the company of good Muslim brothers and learning how to be close to them without viewing them as sexual objects was major. Faith in Allah is by far the most important, and keeping with prayers and keeping one's Wudu' all the time.
Learning to control my actions and learning how to discipline myself and not allow it to control me, that is also major and I think related to everyone not just people with SSA.
Sharing my ideas with others and recognizing where my weaknesses are and learning how to develop myself that also helped.
This is it in brief (or in terms of a bigger picture of things) but everyone needs to sit down with themselves and decide what it is that they want out of life. Do they want this life or the hereafter and they need to base their actions based on this.
Allah knows best.
Wassalamu alaikum.
Name
Tomasz
-
Profession
Question
As-Salamu 'Alaykum:
The problem I am having is in gay people claiming that they are gay because of genetic and natural reasons. I, however, claim it to be a form of fetishism that they have built a lifestyle around.
I tell you, here in the west it is absurd. The gay people are to be "proud" of being gay, according to societal views.
All sex and thoughts of sex are to be strictly controlled, this is because we are all the children of Adam and Eve, so when I think of a woman, I am in fact thinking about me sister.
What input have you insofar as this matter is concerned?
Shukran and may Allah guide us all to right. Ameeen
Answer
Assalamu alaikum,
I feel that there is alot to be said about this topic. The Gay Lobby, especially in the west, has been one that has achieved some goals at the expense of religion, faith and morality.
I am not saying that gay people are immoral (in general), what I am saying is the action of male on male sex etc. is one that is condemned in all the world's main religion.
Through distortion of texts and having people leave their faith and allowing them to follow their desires, they have been successful to a point. (There are other reasons for its success that have to do with consumerism etc...for example, a gay couple without children are more likely to have extra money to spend than a married couple with children etc.)
In short, yes, I do believe that there is, unfortunately, a powerful gay lobby, but, God willing, even from what we've sen in the group, is that there are people who are leaving the lifestyle and coming back to their religion, coming back to their Lord.
Allah is the most Powerful.
Wassalamu alaikum.
Name
a
-
Profession
Question
how do you answer the question that some people pose, asking Why would Allah allow a person to have such feelings, but not let them act on them?
Answer
Asslaamu alaikum,
Very normal question. Allah chooses how to test people, we don't get to choose that. This is the test that He has decided to bestow upon us and what matters is how we deal with it. Self control and self discipline are processes that everyone as a Muslim needs to go through and develop.
It's like asking why someone who loves alcohol is asked not to drink it in Islam :) It is for our own sake that Allah does all these things and it is up to us to obey or not.
And Allah knows best.
Wassalamu alaikum.
Name
alif
- Indonesia
Profession
designer
Question
Assalaamu'alaykum
I am a person suffering from same-sex attraction. I was told that the law of Nikah is not same for everyone.
It is an obligation for general, but for some people it might be MAKRUH or even HARAAM. Where can I find the text about this? Is there any particular ayah or hadith stating that matter?
thank you
Alif
Answer
Salam my dear brother,
Unfortunately I am really in no position to give such a fatwa and I believe that it is something that would have to be properly posed (with full background) to our esteemed scholars at the Ask the Scholar section.
May Allah reward you for your struggle and may He bring forth to you whatever is best.
Wassalamu alaikum.
Name
ann
-
Profession
Question
are you currently in a marriage? How is that experience, if so.
Answer
Assalamu alaikum,
Alhamduliilah yes I am. The experience has been great. I have not been able to share my struggle with my wife (yet) but God willing, one day I will.
It's a big scary at first, that is for sure, but later on, once a person deals with their issues properly and is at a stage when marriage seems like something that can be undertaken comfortable, I think then a person will know that it is the right thing to do.
In short, things are just fine alhamdulilah :)
Name
khabir
-
Profession
Question
Alhamdulillah, thanks for your previous response. I have a younger brother whom I know is dealing with same sex attractions. I am unsure how to help him, he is only 15.
Would you have any suggestions as to how I could address the issue with him?
Answer
Asslaamu alaikum,
Help is different for different people. Your brother needs your guidance more than anything else. At 15 he is going through puberty and that alone is tough so imagine SSA tagged onto it.
I believe the best that you can do at that you can do for him at that age is encourage him to be a good Muslim and to keep good company. Also, to explain to him what is allowed and what isn't allowed in Islam especially when it comes to sexual misconduct etc.
That has to be fully understood by him as it will help him later on in his struggle. Ensure that he does things that other boys are doing so that he doesn't feel too different or distant from them and in time he will learn to adjust his feelings towards his friends as they will no longer be people that are foreign to him and he'll be able to relate to them better.
There are other things but you can join the group and get more advice if you wish insha'Allah.
Wasslaamu alaikum.
Name
Editor
-
Profession
Question
The session has ended. We would like to thank our guest for taking the time to answer your questions, and all those who participated in the dialogue.
We apologize for not being able to answer all the questions due to time limitation.
