Finally, we would like to thank our guest for speaking to Islamonline viewers today, and we also thank all viewers who participated with us in this dialogue. We apolgize for not being able to accomodate all the questions within the time allocated to this session. We request our viewers to join us in the upcoming sessions.
Yours, Islamonline Live Dialogue Editing Desk..
Name
Ayman
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Profession
Question
Would you please mention for us some Psychological problems that are facing Muslim women in the West?
Answer
AA-
Could you clarify what you mean by 'psychological problems' if the answer below doesn't meet your need?
I understand you mean problems around identity - this is a problem that people living in an environment which as yet is not their 'home' environment can experience - not just women, men too.
In Britain and in many parts of Europe, Muslims are in second and third generation European born - these people face conflict between the fact that they are not always accepted by the majority communities, but no longer identify with the 'home' community of that their parents identify with. Thus they are caught between two cultures plus the growing Islamic identity which is independent of the worst parts of a so called 'Muslim' culture and the secular-liberal one.
Name
Jonas...
-
Profession
Question
Do Muslim women feel alienated from the society especially that there is Islam-Phobia nowadays which is wide spread after 9/11?
Answer
I am sure some women feel alienated but others do not. Such alienation as there was, has been in existence before 9/11 which in some ways exacerbated it where it existed but in others it has really made them think about the way they were living in physical and mental ghetto, not integrating with the wider society. 9/11 can be seen as the extreme but logical outcome of a complete and utter delineation of self from 'other' which existed and was promoted by some Muslim groups.
Seeing the consequences of this has made Muslims questions themselves and many have but more need to do so. In Britain some Muslims are positively working towards community cohesion and building bridges with non-Muslim communities because the Iraq war really showed that there are communities of interest which transcend religion, race and 'good' is Islamic and should be pursued wherever it is and 'bad' is un-Islamic and should be expunged wherever it is: including amongst Muslims.
Name
O.S.
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Profession
Question
Are there any privilages given to working mothers in the West?
Answer
I know to some extent the situation in Britain and am not sure about the rest of Europe. I can say that it's a constant complaint that working mothers here are not treated as favourably as those in Sweden or other European countries where laws encourage employers to be family friendly.
Still, women here who are pregnant can get time off work, there is paid maternity leave, there is a tax break to help working mothers secure child care provision so things are quite good compared to those countries where it is impossible to be a mother and to work.
On the other hand, because of the economy here, many mothers feel forced to work when they'd really prefer to spend the first crucial years with their child, but it is impossible to live without two people earning especially if you are paying for your house, so many women are left feeling very guilty and unhappy about leaving young babies in the care of others.
Name
Dalia
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Profession
Question
Do you see that women really face a different problem from men in the westren socities ?
Answer
I don't like the idea of 'Eastern' and 'Western' unless you define it as 'geographical' East or West or 'political' East or West. If by West you actually mean 'secular rule', the problems and the causes, then the majority of our Muslim countries are secular and oppressive to Muslims' and their aspirations.
In many senses the political and geographical West allows us to express ourselves better and more freely. We need to give credit to the systems that allow this and question whether we have the tools to evolve equivalent systems or be honest and appropriate what is 'good' as Islamic wherever it is. There are problems here, problems around identity, acceptance, racism... etc, but the civil law can be used to secure rights. The problem is that Muslims have been too good at taking, but not so good at giving back to the general society and being exemplary citizens.
This is in part due to lack of appropriate guidance from the leadership which has lacked the tools to take proper strategic decisions and to get out of the mentality that 'India, Pak, Jordan is true home, this is only the place to make money'. Of course the mainstream resent this and then this causes problems for brothers and sisters who face the backlash. Being more visible, Muslim women will suffer more from this backlash. It doesn't help that women are oppressed within Muslim communities sometimes.
Name
sis
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Profession
Question
On one hand, Muslim women are asked to be obedient to their husbands, to stay in the privately sphere as suggested by a verse from Qur’an. Not to free mix unless it is an Islamic environment. We are told that this is all a part of life which in many hadiths mentioned to be the best thing for a Muslim and is the character of Islam. On the other hand, some say that we have rights to the public sphere to be leaders (but not to countries?), business owners, others say stick to occupations that are oriented to the nature of women (teaching, medicine, …etc), and the trend is that most women feel their faith is strong enough to be involved in all this.
If our jihad is the home as the prophet
said, does this mean that women should not be working unless they have to? Shouldn't we be focusing our energies in the West on the family? How do you make all these contradicting Islamic Quran, hadeeth, fatwa, and opinions agree on what is right or wrong? Wouldn't we be otherwise just like the West if it's all just left up.
Isn't it nearly impossible to find a job that is in an Islamic environment in the West? Wouldn't it be more chastity and shyness if you stay at home?
Answer
Resolving the Qur'an and hadiths which giving apparently opposite views on whether a woman can/should go out to work is not in my sphere of expertise. I think that the consensus is that women can work outside the home and definitely should be educated.
Definitely in the past, secular culture and especially because of feminism, the role of home maker was seriously downplayed and undervalued and this is being recognised as being a wrong idea, but this does not take away the fact that Islam allows women to be educated and to work. If she is a wife and a mother, this is something that needs negotiation. As mentioned in the previous mail - in Britain as in many other countries of the Europe, it can be impossible to live on one person's earnings.
Indeed, sometimes the husband has no luck in finding a job but the wife can work and earn and she keeps the family from indignity. Such courage should be acknowledged in situations where families are often living in isolation without the supported of extended family.
As to work in an Islamic environment, how do you define 'Islamic'? If the definition is only working with Muslim sisters in a segragated setting, then yes, but if 'Islamic' is taken to be wholesome, good, then other environments do exist where rules exist to prevent harm coming to individual employees, each person is allowed to do his / her job with his person and beliefs fully respected etc.
Name
Rami
- United Kingdom
Profession
Question
We read alot about the force marriage in our Muslim community , is it that serious problem or is just some individual cases ?
Answer
It's difficult to know because even the government, with all the resources at its disposal doesn't seem to know and often double counts figures. Yes, it is a problem and there are particular communities where it is prevalent. These communities are generally more tribal and in understanding of Islam they follow quite cultural approaches which are often very unIslamic. People don't have access to Islamic teachings plus there is pressure put on them from extended family in sub-continent for financial or land reasons to give up the daughter or son in marriage to a cousin usually.
Second and third generation youngsters, with independent access to Islamic teachings are increasingly challenging forced marriage and so more incidents will be reported simply because of this. As these newer generations become parents and no longer have such strong ties to the subcontinent, the practise it should end as it is anachronistic and counterproductive because the so called marriage pretty quickly ends in divorce or annulment.
Name
S.A.
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Profession
Question
Are there problems facing the Muslim women in the work place?
Answer
Everyone can have problems in the work place. If as I think you mean, the issue is of discrimination, then yes. There have been some Muslim women who have claimed they were discriminated against in the work place because of religious dress observance, for example. A Muslim girl who worked as an engineer in car factory won compensation a few years ago after she was harassed at work when she returned from Hajj wearing hijab.
There are many other women, including myself, who have had no problems and in fact have been valued as visible Muslims because a good role model is given to under-achievers who may be apprehensive that they will be discriminated against. Women generally in society are less successful than men, so it is not just a Muslim woman thing.
Name
Halima
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Profession
Question
Can a man marry a woman if his parents do not agree, based on cultural reasons and not Islamic ones? I am a 28-year-old Sunni Muslim girl who has found a man that she wants to marry. He is also Muslim and 28 years old too, and Alhamdulillah we both practice Islam to the best of our ability, although we are both working to be better Muslims.
We met through an Islamic website, and although we have only known each other for three months, alhamdulillah we both love each other with all our hearts and thank Allah (SWT) for bringing us together. We want to bind us Islamically through marriage. I want to carry out my duty as his wife and Inshallah as a mother in the future, and he wants to take care of me as my husband in the eyes of Allah (SWT) .
However, although my parents have agreed to the marriage, his parents do not, on the basis that it is too quick, and also I am too old and not physically, their type of girl. He is of mixed race and because my parents are not from the same country as either one of his parents, this is another factor against us. However, after my research I know Islamically, we should not have any discrimination against culture, creed or status, as long as the religion factor and faith is there, which we both have and want to grow stronger together in the name of Islam.
His parents still forbid for us to be married, even though he has tried to make them understand, by going to an faith, as well as their suggestion that we wait. We have both read the Istikharah prayer and we both felt even stronger about each other after we read it. I have done extensive research and one thing that is mentioned: "Muslim jurists of all schools of thought agree that a mature sane man has the right to enter into a contract of marriage with any woman who accepts to marry him, and that he is free to offer her the dowry which she demands and is prepared to accept. No one has the right to object to the man's contractual obligation, whether father, mother, son or uncle".
(Sheikh Syed Darsh - Article from Q-News, No. 278, 3-16 Oct 1997).
I know in Islam we cannot dishonor our parents, however from my research (as above) does that mean if we go ahead with it, although lawful in Islam, it means we are not committing another sin by going against his parents? What can we do? Is there some sort of Muslim Court we can go to, or be advised on? This has broken both our hearts and is affecting our everyday lives. We both cannot even consider anyone else as our thoughts of marriage are with each other only.
Answer
I cannot tell you what you must do. I think you know where the right is. In another circumstance, I read that an Imam said that if parents are being unreasonable, then it is not 'disobedience' to go against their will, it is 'non-compliance'. I am presuming you have tried intercessors who have tried to talk to the parents? If not, there are people who could do so if your fiance is willing to 'throw things open' in this way. There are three scenarios that could apply (from knowledge of other instances of this nature):
1. Epecially your fiance has to be very strong and say, "I either marry the girl I want or I won't marry at all". Eventually his parents, seeing the determination will relent.
2. Go ahead and marry against their will and hope that they will come round eventually. Usually the birth of a grandchild does this if not sooner. Be prepared though for the consequences of what happens if things go wrong and your fiance is not 'Mr Right' after all?? Can his parents see something that you are both overlooking regarding your compatibility?
3. Not sure of this but in a case I know of, a reputable Shaikh married a young couple in front of their friends but without the hostile parents knowing. The couple lived together for two years in an Islamic marriage before the parents were eventually won round and they then went through a second 'big jamboree' wedding. Of course they had to be very careful in those two years. It helped that they were college students and were not living at home at the time.
Name
Mona
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Profession
Question
What is the different prespectives do you have from the feminist Westren movement, I mean in dealing with Women issues and problems ?
Answer
Feminism in Europe and America is not one homogeneous thing and has been evolving. Because of the history of a fight for rights against men, against the church and against the family, it used to be characterised by being very anti-religion, anti-men and anti-family.
Though some feminists are still in that mould, many others are not and we can find allies amongst them in the issues we are concerned with. They also are beginning to see hijab as an anti-imperialist statement and the whole movement of wearing black and shaving the head and wearing DMs was the feminist way of making a statement against the sex-ploitation of women.
The problem with some feminists is that they can't escape from the ideology that religion is oppressive, especially Islam. They also are very uncomfortable with putting a woman's right on an equal footing with rights of family and society. This creates conflicts in areas such as 'reproductive rights', balancing rights/duties within families.
