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Yours,
IOL Homepage Editor
Answer
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Name
roshan
- Nepal
Profession
student
Question
Asalam-o-walekum
brother , i m 17 years old girl and i love a man from past 4 years he is married and he is 40 years old now .he lives in qatar now we love eachother very much and we want to marry but the problem is i think my parents will not be agree with it so i want to hide them and he cant make it in public becasue if his wife come to know that he have marry someone else she will leave him and take his kids away from him .so he told me that the mulla will be my witness and he will have his witness and as we leave in different country so he will call me and by phone mulla will ask me if i m agree for the marraige or not then we will get married he is ready to pay the mehr and i want to ask him for that nikah certificate where everythign is mention about the nikah ,and we want to declare our nikah after few years can i do that or not . and my second question is that is family planning allowed in islam or not and if not then why not? i hope you will answer my question .
Allah haffiz
Answer
Thank you for joining this live dialog. Your questions deserve the attention and response of our Islamic scholars. Please read further down for additional help.
In general, however, based on our experience, your relationship with this married man will be the source of many problems. He is married with children and lives in another country. How and why he came to be in such close contact with you as to say that you now "love" him since the past four years, is in itself questionable. We urge you to think clearly about your future since you are a young woman with tremendous potential. Focus on strengthening your relationship and spiritual connection with Allah, on educating yourself, and on keeping yourself chaste for your future husband. There is just too much potential for things to go wrong in the current relationship you have with this married man with children!
As for the permissibility of marrying someone over the phone, we refer you to our Islamic scholars in the "Ask the Scholar" section. A question similar to yours was submitted and the response is available in the archives and you might find it of benefit:
As for family planning in Islam, the Islamic scholars have responded to similar questions and you will find the responses in the archives starting with this example:
I yesterday had a conversation with my brothers about how to raise our gisrls here in the west. We want them to ben muslimgirls and become muslimwomen, and wear hijab and so on. But thr freedom of western society so attractive to them. We have no two teenage girls in the family and to be honoust I´m not really happy with the way they are developping: too free, too provocative, too scantly clothed... Of one of them I'm sure she had a few boy friends, God know what she did with them. I hav the feeling that we as muslims today know what we want to achieve with our children, but we don't know how to get there (strategies). Can you give me some insight on this matter: how can we raise our children to become good mulims in western society?
Thanks a lot!
Answer
Thank you for joining this live dialog. The concerns that you and your brothers feel about raising children in Western society are shared by every Muslim family living in the West. The challenge however is that although not impossible, it is very difficult to help the children if we wait until they are teenagers with very little if any exposure to the beauty of Islamic teachings.
We urge you and your brothers to ensure that you maintain trust and open channels of communication with the teenage girls in the family. Let them know and help them feel that they are truly loved by the family and by Allah. The idea is not to take drastic or harsh measures to help them become "good Muslims," because that will only push them away.
On the other hand, you and the other family members should acquire a copy or sufficient copies of books such as "Parenting in the West," which is written by Dr. Ekram and Muhammad Bashir and is available in English, Arabic, French and German. Learn more about what it takes to actually be an effective parent to children in the West. It is not impossible when you have waited this long and the children are already teenagers, but it requires that much more effort. Be persistent, be patient, make du'a to Allah and insha'Allah He will bless your efforts to raise "good Muslims." Thank you and Allah knows best.
Name
Mohamed
- United Kingdom
Profession
IT
Question
can a person who actually commited a crime denies it in the court of law for the fear of imprisonment while repenting sincerely to Allah Almighty for his forgiveness. Jazak Allah
Answer
Thank you for joining this live dialog. Your question deserves the attention and response of one of our Islamic scholars in the "Ask the Scholar," section. Please submit your question to them via the main website or via one of the regularly scheduled Live Fatwa sessions.
You can also search the archives of the "Ask the Scholar" section to determine if a question similar to the one you submitted has been answered. One example of some benefit might be:
http://www.islamonline.net/servlet/Satellite?pagename=IslamOnline-English-Ask_Scholar/FatwaE/FatwaE&cid=1119503544032
Thank you.
Name
Lamya
- Hungary
Profession
student
Question
It seems to me very difficult to maintain a spiritual connection. School, work, friends, family, everyone seems to need their time. It is difficult to make time for Allah. I want to do it. How to do it in the middle of life is the question.
Answer
Thank you for joining this live dialog. The short answer to your question is, there is no excuse not to have time for Allah, make time. The long(er) answer is that this is just another test from Allah to see if and how we will be able to handle this life with which we are blessed and also to remember the One by whom we have been blessed - Allah.
From the Mercy and Wisdom of Allah, we have been given a chance to live on this earth and a book, the Qur'an, and the model in the life of the Prophet Muhammad sal Allahu alayhi wasallam, to help us to live a balanced life. The du'a we often recite from Sura Al-Baqara helps us to understand that we do ask Allah for good in this world and in the hereafter: "Our Lord! Give us good in this world and good in the hereafter, and defend us from the torment of the Fire!" (Sura Al-Baqara, Chapter #2, Verse #201).
You can begin to establish a strong spiritual connection with Allah by first reminding yourself why it is important to have such a connection and how to go about establishing one. Regular prayers, voluntary fasting, reading the Qur'an with understanding, reading the biography of the Prophet Muhammad sal Allahu alayhi wasallam with understanding, all of these are actions which will benefit you tremendously but which require your actively planning and setting aside time. Remember that everyone in your life is important but there is much more blessing and reward for the one who first improves his or her relationship with Allah. We urge you to take seriously this concern that Allah has placed in your heart and to start taking some small steps to improve your connection with Allah. Thank you and Allah knows best.
Name
brother
-
Profession
Question
How can a man in his mid-20s achieve spiritual connection in a busy work schedule in today's world?
Answer
Thank you for joining this live dialog. Having a busy work schedule is actually beneficial if this means you are able to have less free time to be distracted by the glamour and glitz of this world. However, if the busy work schedule is keeping a person from spending time reflecting upon the blessings from Allah, that is a problem. Think of the blessings in your life, such as having a job during this economic collapse, and having the physical and mental health capacity to be able to work. Begin by setting aside time daily to acknowledge and give thanks to Allah for these blessings. This means, you pray daily on time and with concentration. Do not miss your prayers or delay them as much as you can avoid doing so.
Set aside some time after each prayer to thank Allah, to remember Allah through various supplications, and to read a few pages from the Qur'an with understanding. To the best of your ability, observe the voluntary fasts on Mondays and Thursdays, as this was the Prophetic tradition and fasting is a shield for us as well as being a way for us to achieve God consciousness.
Be sure to surround yourself with righteous friends either at work or outside of work, and to minimize the time you spend with work colleagues who might themselves be spiritually disconnected. Thank you and Allah knows best.
Name
Yasmine
- Australia
Profession
Question
Salam
In regards to spiritual connection - how can we increase our connection - bc about a year ago i decided to get serious about Islam as i was born muslim.
At the beginning my faith was very strong, but now i feel its getting weaker ?
What can i do to increase my faith inshallah.
Salam to you
and thank you for taking the time to answer questions, jazak allah khairan :)
Answer
Thank you for joining this live dialog. May Allah bless you for the concern you are expressing about your spiritual connection, and grant you the ability to strengthen your relationship with Him. Ameen.
The challenge here is for you to reflect back to what you were doing, how you were living, and what was occupying your time, when you say at the beginning your faith was strong. What was helping you to maintain strong faith? And then think back to see if you can pin point the moment when you felt yourself becoming weaker. Maintaining strong faith consistently is a goal for all of us but as the Prophet taught his companions, it is truly a challenge to maintain strong faith all the time. We refer you the hadith of Hanzala radhi Allahu anhu, who essentially thought he was a hypocrite for being unable to maintain a state of mind which was always in remembrance of Allah. He expressed this concern to Abu Bakr radhi Allahu anhu, who also shared this concern.
It is reported that when they both approached the Prophet sal Allahu alayhi wasallam, he said: "Hanzala, there is a time for worldly affairs and a time for (worship and devotion), and if your state of mind is always the same as it is at the time of remembrance of Allah, the Angels would shake hands with you and would greet you on the path by saying: As-Salamu-Alaikum." (Sahih Muslim, Book #037, Hadith #6624).
Analyzing your own life and trying to bring it in line with the expectations for us to pray, and fast, and give charity, will help you to increase your faith insha'Allah. Be persistent and create safeguards so that you prevent yourself from slipping and becoming weaker in faith again. May Allah help you, and He knows best!
Name
Aiyesha
-
Profession
Question
Assalamu Alaikum, How to seek self confidence in religious matters, because often young mind try to seek Allah’s pleasure get demotivated with harsh comments of less religious peoples.
Answer
Thank you for joining this live dialog. Self confidence in religious matters is rooted in the understanding that one is at peace following the teachings of Islam as presented in the Qur'an and the sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad sal Allahu alayhi wasallam, that one is aware of the limitations of one's knowledge of the religion, and that one is constantly striving to learn more and to practice what is within one's capacity to do so.
You have not written much in your message but if we understand you correctly, it seems you are encountering people who are not practicing Islam but who are expressing harsh comments towards you as you attempt to seek the pleasure of Allah through practicing Islam and increasing your self confidence in religious matters. If this is a correct understanding, then we recommend first that you minimize your interaction with this people.
It is of no benefit to you to feel demotivated or to be listening to harsh comments from such people. Spending time in their company will be of no spiritual benefit to you. You need not be harsh with them in return or show them in some way that you are distancing yourself from them, just substitute the time you used to spend with them and spend it instead with people who are already confident in relgious matters and are at peace as they seek the pleasure of Allah.
We urge you not to be too concerned about what others think, although you should not disregard the sincere advice of people. Focus instead on seeking the assistance and advice of those people who are known to be knowledgeable and righteous. Insha'Allah, with your own persistence and perseverance, you will increase your self confidence in religious matters and be able to help those around you. For now, focus on improving yourself and make du'a to Allah to guide you and to protect you, and to strengthen your faith! Thank you and Allah knows best.
Name
Editor
-
Profession
Question
Finally, we would like to thank our guest for speaking to Islamonline viewers today, and we also thank all those who participated in this dialogue. We request our readers to join us in the upcoming sessions.
