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Answer
Thank you in advance for your questions.
Name
Editor
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Profession
Question
So, tell us Dr. Soroor what Personal Development is about? How does it concern every person?
Answer
God created us to be devloped and be better people day after day. It is in our relegion that our two days should not be the same and we should be growing. It is something we all search for, whether we call it "personal development" or any other name.
We all feel good when we know that we are good in something and feel satisfied when we learn new skills, add to our information or knowledge. This is how we are as humans and we can see this in its purest form in children. They want to be develped in all aspects and work hard and play non stop.
Personal development for adults has a direct effect on many areas in their lives including how we see ourselves, our self esteem, how others see us, our family life and our career. When we develop in one area, our whole life gets affected by that. When people don't work or consider personal development as an important issue in their life and counsciously work on it, their whole life is also affected, but negatively.
Name
leah michelle
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Profession
Question
Assalamo Alaikum Dr.Qarooni
I am a convert who has made hijra from my home country in Canada to Cairo. I have been here about a year and a half and I am trying my best to adjust to the life here. I find however that I show many symptoms of culture shock that are difficult to deal with.
Since I came here for the sake of Allah I am reluctant to leave, yet I am not sure how to manage to get past my culture shock feelings. I feel that living in a different country has been a growth experience for sure, yet at the same time I feel I was a better person in my home country since life here is difficult and morals can be low.
I am afraid I am even picking up some of the negative attributes that I see around me, in terms of manners, impatience, anxiety, and stress.
One of the ways that I have found to help me deal with my feelings of helplessness and shock about the state of the education system here is through approaching consultations and committees towards trying to improve the education system. This is such a huge task, however, and because change is resisted here it would be a longer process, because of resistance of the people in the system.
I relish the very few small changes that have been implemented but feel that the problems are so huge and mysterious that I am left with feelings that I have no words to describe.
I want and try to stay as positive as I can about life here, but at the same time I feel I am not becoming a better person (quite yet) as I hoped hijra would help me to be. If you have any advice for me as to how I can more smoothly manage to live here and make the most of my culture shock experience I would greatly appreciate it.
Sincerely,
Aisha
Answer
Dear Aisha,
As-Salam 'Alaykum,
It always inspires me how people can do things far beyond their comfort zone for a real belief they have. And for you to do hijra from your home country, it must have been quite a big decision. God bless you.
In my opinion, God is everywhere and to do what God wants us to do is implementable everywhere also. I believe that it is easier to invite change in a culture and language that you really understand, that you are attached to and have feelings towards. I have been in both Canada and Cairo and can see the big diffrence in both culutres, their way of thinking and life style.
I can also understand the resistance you were talking about when you attempt to invite some change in the educational system. In the Arab world, unfortunately, governmental systems are very slow and resisstance to change especially when they think it is coming from someone who is not one of their own people working directly in the same field, they feel it is a threat!!
It is hard for me to advise you on what is best for you as this is something you can feel and know better, but from the information in your question, it seems to me that you need to be where you can grow and also you can help others grow and be better people and more close to values.
Maybe if you can do some small analysis on a piece of paper will help. You can divide the paper in two vertical columns and write in one Canada and the other Cairo and write the growth sides you can make in your self and others in each country. You can title this paper as "Grow".
You need to consult both your mind and heart together. You can have a similar divided paper where you can use the title "challenges". You can write the challenges you face in both countries in terms of your growth and helping others to grow. May be that will help you to better decide.
Hope this helps and thank you for writing.
Name
Umm Ali
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Profession
Question
Assalamu Alaikum
I'm a mother of three. I'm not working because I want to be a good mother and spend time with my children. Yet I feel like I need to add to myself. How can I manage both of them. Kids and my life?
Answer
Wa Alaykum As-Salam dear sister,
It seems to me that it will help if you try to state the definition of good mother. Is good mother one who stays the most at home? Is she the one who can be ready for any thing her chldren ask? or what else?
To me, the definition of good mother is the mother who can teach her children how to overcome challenges of life with faith and values. The one who can teach them how to have high self esteem and self worth and how to interact with the outer world. I think for any mother to be able to do that, she has to have a great percentage of these values herself or she is in the growing process still.
If you can see how everything you do in your life helps your growth and development, I think this will make it easy for you to see how it directly or indirectly affects your children and getting you where you realy want to be...A Good Mother.
God bless you and your children.
Name
Ahmed
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Profession
Question
I have a question. I'm still at school but I'm thinking of my future and what I want to be. How can I decide where I would fit. I'm good at school and have many chances but can't choose. Can you please help?
Thanks.
Answer
Dear Brother,
As Salamu 'Alaykum,
It is good that you are taking this issue seriously at this age and looking for answers. I can suggest some tasks that you can do in parallel to better know what you like. Use a pen and paper,
1- Make a list of areas that you definitly DON'T like to go for.
2- Make a list of areas that you feel you have strong desire for them.
3- Have a look at the first and second list. Make sure you feel satisfied about them, that they are complete.
4- Take the second list and for each career, and do the following:
- Talk to at least three people working in related area about their work type, challenges they face and strengths.
- See which areas of subjects they do study in university (for example, is it mainly mathematics? how you feel about mathematics?
5- Go online and read on areas related to the career you choose.
6- Do this process for all your second list.
7- Don't take this as a hard task, take it as a fun thing to do.
8- Record all your output and read them each few months.
It might seem a long process but it is a process that will help you not to make a mistake that most of us made.. choosing careers and universities which we then realise they are not actually what we meant to go for.
God bless you brother.
Name
maia
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Profession
Question
As-Salam Alaykum
I'm married and I'm not working at the moment. I would like to achieve something in my life and I don't know really what. I m not satisfied with my simple married life now and i really need a change.
Answer
Dear Maia,
As-salam 'Alaykum
I think nothing gives satisfaction in our life more than kowing that we made a positive change in our lives and made someone's life easer. I am not sure where you live or what options you have, but I think you can think about it in terms of yourself and others.
You can do something for your own growth like learning new skills and you can also participate in helping the community in any way possible for you.
You can also start your own little project to help the community in your own area of interest (helping children, parenting, environment, instilling values,...
God bless you!
Name
Anon
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Profession
Question
I have character problems. I know what they are but I can't change them. How can I become more determined and able to change?
Answer
AS-Salamu 'Alaykom,
I think one of the main challenges is the language you use. Your language is so generalizing that sends destructive messages to your mind. I don't know you but sure you have lots and lots of good things in your character and you have also some problems(which everyone else might have more or less).
I suggest you work a little on the language you use with your self. How about telling your self "how can I imporve?" instead of "how can I change". Change always invites resistance but improvement invites good feelings.
I suggest that you write on a piece of paper three top character "CHALLENGES" and NOT "PROBLEMS" that you want to improve.
1- Write how will you know that you have improved, a situation for example.
2- Write three steps that you think will be helpful for that specific charactor imporvement.
3- Set a time limit (2 weeks for example).
4- Start immediately
- After 2 weeks, start working on the second characteristic while you are still working on the first.
But, mainly, i think it will help you if you use more optimistic language with yourself.
God bless you!
Name
Fariha
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Profession
Question
Jazaki Allah Khairan sister for your help. I am married but there are disagreements with my husband. I think divorce is not good but don't want my children to hate marriage or their father. Can I avoid this?
Jazaki Allah again.
Answer
Salam sister;
It is so difficult to advise in such a sensitive issue with so little information. But in the overall, I think the way you are thinking will help a lot as you are separating your children from your marriage problems.
Your worries about your children are valid and it is brave of you to think this way about their relationship with their father although you have problems with him.
It will help a great deal if you have constant conversations with your children. Depending on their age, you can help them understand that whatever problems you have in marriage it is a "husband-wife" issue and not "father/ mother-child" problem.
You need to assure them when they see you or their father angry or sad that this has nothing to do with them and that you and their father love them and your love does not get affected by the problems. You can help also by acknowledging any thing good their father does for them and making them realize it and appreciate it, so they will have the child-father relationship even if it is not at its best.
I think you can help them also by giving them examples of successful marriages and let them see how they can learn from your marriage experience to have a successful marriage and not to repeat the same mistake.
It seems that you have a great heart and I think your love for you children will help them have a better life in the future insha'Allah.
God bless you and your children, sister!
Name
Nora
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Profession
Question
Can I help others develop their personality? Are there steps also that you can follow?
Thank you very much.
Answer
Dear Sister,
As-Salamu 'Alaykum,
I will summarize a few points below and hope they help:
- The best way to help others develop is to act as a role model. This is the strongest factor. So first, in whatever area you want others to be developed, work on yourself.
- If you want to help any one, they have to feel good about you and accept you. And the best way for them to accept you is if they feel good about themselves when they are with you or when having any type of communicaton with you.
- People usually resist change because they are more comfortable with what they know and get used to. For them to undergo any change, they need to believe in it first and believe how this can be really of benefit to them. If you tell them it is good for you because of so and so, chances that they will listen with their heart are not that much. But if you tell them what you want to tell by helping them reach the answer themselves, it will help more.
- Criticism is like a virus in relationships and it certainly doesn't help when you want to introduce development and change. Instead of saying you are so and so and it is bad because of this and that, you can help them find alternatives for their actions and behaviors.
- When you approach them and talk to them, love them as your brothers and sisters from your heart. This message will certainly reach their heart even if you don't say a single word or do a single action that communicates this to them.
God bless you!
Name
razie
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Profession
Question
Salam Alaykum
I think that my past and my strict education makes me feel that I'm not confident at all.
I would like to change but it seems that I'm not a resilient person. I have a lot of projects but did not achieve one. It seems like I refuse unsconsciously to achieve something. I always do all I can to persuade myself that I cannot do this or that and so it is.
How can I change and realise myself at last.
God bless you!
Answer
Salam Razie,
- First of all have it in your mind that God wants you to be your best, so you have God's support.
- Before you go to sleep, write on a piece of paper all good things you have done during the day, no matter how small and insignificant, even if you smiled to a child. Have them in a file. Look at your record everynight.
- Start the day with a small goal that is challenging but you know it is possible for you to achieve (no obstacles. Do at least one achievement a day and record it. It will tell your unconscious mind that you are a successful person.
- Catch yourself when you have a destructive self talk. When you tell your self things like, I can't, it is hard, no way, you hamper it.
- Try to read some inspirational success stories.
- Make Du'aa and keep a smiling face as much as you can. It all works on your self esteem and the way you view your self worth.
God bless you!
Name
amina
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Profession
Question
Salam Alaykum
I think personal development is very important. Everyone has to fulfill something in her or his life which brings us satisfaction.
I live in London and I have a bachelor's degree. I'm married and unfortunately not working.
I would like to do so many things that I can't concentrate on one and time is passing by and it seems that im wasting my time.
I'm not a very organized woman.
I love so many things sometimes I begin one and don't finish it and I don't know how to begin with something lasting and enthusiatic at the same time.
God bless you!
Jazakallahu Khair.
Answer
Salam sister,
I think it will help if you have your priorites clear for yourself. You can write all what you like to do on a piece of paper and then pioritize them. Take the first priority and break it down into steps. Start the first step today (MAKE SURE YOU TAKE THE FIRST STEP TODAY NOT TOMORROW). When you are done with the first, start another one.
Try to build on your success points. See them and acknowledge them. It will help if you talk about your next priority with your close friends. They might be able to inspire you to finish your priority related project.
God bless you!
Name
Host -
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Profession
Question
Finally, we would like to thank Dr. Soroor Qarooni for taking the time to answer the questions of Islamonline viewers today, and we also thank all those who participated in this dialogue. We apologize for not being able to accommodate all the questions within the time allocated to this session. Look out for upcoming sessions…
