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Name
A
- Canada
Profession
student
Question
1) Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) is reported to have said: “Five are the acts quite akin to fitrah: Circumcision, shaving the pubes, cutting the nails, plucking the hair under the armpits and clipping (or shaving) the moustache.” (Reported in all the six authentic collections of Hadith). Are these wajib (oblidged) or Sunnah (ie is there any sin if one neglects to do any of these?) and is removing the hair suposed to be done any time before forty days or is it done when it reaches a certain length?
2) What is the say of the majority of the scholars on trimming a beard, especially if one lives in a non-Muslim country and his beard might cause difficulty in his life. And what should someone do if his mother is not happy with him keeping a beard?
Answer
As for your first question, off-hand I am not certain as to their status. I would refer that question to Ask the Scholar section.
As for the second question, there is so much debate and discussion among Muslims as to the status of the beard in Islam. This is an indication, in my opinion, of how we have lost our way regarding priorities. It is an issue that is so insignificant in the overall realm of things, given what we are facing on a daily basis. I do not mean to undermine your question in any way. It deserves an answer and you should definitely write the fatwa section for one, so please do so.
From the perspective of our topic here, though, in the realm of what it means to be a man in Islam, and how we are living our lives as Muslim men, there is more to life and deen than the length of one's beard. Different Sahabas, scholars and saints of Islam through the ages all wore beards at different lengths. In our times, there are much more pressing issues for us as men, such as what is in our hearts and how do we conduct our daily affairs, for example. Rather than what we appear to be on the outside, I think it is more important to address what's going on inside of us and how we behave as men -- as fathers, husbands, sons, brothers, employees, friends and the like. That is the real purpose of this discussion today I think.
Again, brother, I think your specific question should be directed to the fatwa section of this site or to another qualified scholar of jurisprudence. Thank you...
Name
Saleem
-
Profession
social worker
Question
This kind of topic is usually discussed by non-Muslims. It is long overdue that we began to evaluate terms such as 'manhood' amongst Muslims. If we look at the roles that we as men take on today, they do not match up to the roles Muslim of the past. Without realizing we have Islamized the Western understanding of being a man in our everyday lives.
Please comment Mr. Abdul-Lateef Abdullah
Answer
Thank you Saleem...
I think you really hit the nail on the head. It is certainly overdue. As Muslims, in my opinion, we tend to focus on issues that in fact take us away from the real heart of the matter, which is, what does it mean to be a man in Islam?
Nevertheless, I think a huge problem that we have is this notion of constantly comparing ourselves to others -- whether they be Muslims or not. Not that we should not look to our predecessors as models and guides -- not at all and quite the opposite!
With our materialistic worldview, however, we seem to only emulate their external ways of doing things. We tend to conveniently pass on their teachings of substance, i.e. the esoteric teachings. So many of us are so pre-occupied with 'acting' and appearing to be certain things and following this sunnah and that sunnah, that we lose sight of the fact that what made the Muslims of old (and there are still many around - we just don't notice them so great was the fact that they DIDN'T stand out. Their lives were lives of love, dedication and service to Allah -- all substance. In fact, it was said that among the wali's of old, if a group of known hypocrites adopted a particular sunnah, the 'ulema would abandon that sunnah. They weren't obsessed with minutiae (small, important bits of information)and looking a certain way. They were people of taqwa and wara' (leaving part the halal that is borderline to haram) and they lived for Allah and in complete surrender to His will.
That's why the Muslims - I feel - must return to their esoteric traditions and roots. The hearts need cleaning more than anything. We have set up so many idols in our hearts and have become so obsessed with the hidden idols of tribalism, power, materialism and others that we cannot even see ourselves anymore. The mirror of the heart no longer reflects what it is supposed to. There are still many teachers of the esoteric sciences still around and I really feel that we must return to them in order to return to a living Islam. `Ali Ansari, a friend, colleague and teacher of mine is one of them. He is also doing this session with me tonight.
As men, therefore, and particularly as husbands and fathers, we must constantly be living in a state of God-consciousness and self-awareness. The trials of family in this day and age, no mattter where we are living, are incredibly difficult. Only through Allah's help and strength can we have successful, peaceful and loving homes and lives.
Thank you....
Name
D
- United States
Profession
Unemployed
Question
Loving unconditionally - what does that mean... ?
Answer
It means:
Experiencing
Living in
Living by and with
Transmitting the pure and unmitigated love that Divinity (must) and claims to have for all humanity, good, bad and ugly.
If wee seek this we will find it, and that is the great reward and the goal of the seekers. In order to do it we must feel it. in order to feel it we must seek it, and to seek it we must believe in it.
Name
adnan
-
Profession
Question
What does Islam say about masturbation.
Answer
Dear questioner..
I think you need to submit your question to Ask the Scholar or ask a qualified scholar in fiqh for a formal response.
Thank you...
Name
Jean
- Belgium
Profession
Teacher
Question
I thought you Muslims had it all worked out. Men do this and women do that and women are punished if they break the rules.
Answer
I think (although I'm not certain of course) what the questioner is referring to is the perception of male dominance in Islam. Unfortunately, the actions of many Muslims which are based more on cultural practices than anything have given many non-Muslims (and many Muslims as well!) a negative perception of Islam, particularly in the West.
Not having proper media exposure of Muslims living in the total life of Islam doesn't help. Nevertheless, Islam is not a religion of rules alone, nor is it a chauvinistic faith in any way, shape or form. For example, the Qur'an says very clearly:
“Lo! men who surrender unto God, and women who surrender, and men who believe and women who believe, and men who obey (God) and women who obey (God), and men who speak the truth and women who speak the truth, and men who persevere (in righteousness) and women who persevere, and men who are humble and women who are humble, and men who give alms and women who give alms, and men who fast and women who fast, and men who guard their modesty and women who guard (their modesty), and men who remember God much and women who remember - God hath prepared for them forgiveness and a vast reward” (33:35).
There are many similar verses in the Qur'an and among the teachings of Muhammad (peace and blessings of God be upon him) to illustrate the egalitarian nature of Islam. For example, Islam guaranteed women many rights over 1,400 years ago that women in most of the world were only able to secure in the past 100 years (such as the right to own land/property, participation in the political process, and many others). Unfortunately, there is not enough time or space in this forum to list all of them. I suggest the questioner scan some of the articles on this site to further understand how the sexes are approached in Islam and why we can never confuse the actions of religous adherents until we understand the true teachings of the religion itself.
Thank you...
Name
umm-
- Kuwait
Profession
mother
Question
As salamu `alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.
Basically, I'm writing because I need some advice. I don't have a specific question, more of a general 'worrying/concern' about my son.
My husband is Arabian and I am British and our son is 7 years old. Ma`sha'Allah he is a very intelligent child, but also quite demanding and this is my worry.
You see, when he was younger I was able to meet his enormous demands to learn/play/do creative things etc but as the years have gone by, (not only did we move from England to my husband's country -where the only way for a woman to really get about is by car; most accomodation is in flats with no access to a garden;extremely hot daytime weather etc etc),I have had pregnancy after pregnancy; and so my time is also divided among his three younger sisters (and my own needs to rest as I am pregnant again!). So I have noticed that he has become less enquiring, less demanding and generally less 'radiant'.
I've asked my husband to spend time with him, but culturally I feel that he sees child-rearing as womens work. Many of my friends (Westerners married to Arabians) have also expressed their concerns about their sons. I think the general belief here is that so long as the man is providing financially he's doing his job as far as his kids go.
So, I try to take all of my children to the park once-a-week so that they can at least play with other children like themselves (mixed race - cultural awareness here is very much ingrained at school), but I feel it is not enough. I sit with the women and the kids play, and ma sha'Allah they are good kids but, I still feel that there is a lack of supervision / 'direction' and that what they really need is a male role model figure to direct their play, speak to them about there concerns etc but there JUST ISN'T ANY!!
During the day, my time is divided between doing the cleaning/cooking/ school run -which takes approx 2.5 hours as my kids are all at different schools/shopping etc that I don't have time to spend 'quality time with my children. My husband comes home from work around 3 and usually sleeps till Maghrib. Afterwhich we have dinner and my kids go off to bed directly. They REALLY don't spend much time with my husband AT ALL during the week, and on the weekend, like I said, I take them out one day, and the next is spent usually with my husband's family (where the women and kids go one way and the men another!!!).
Basically, I feel like I'm losing my son and he's only 7! Also, I am quite a strict person as I feel that it is my duty to teach my kids self-reliance and independence so I make sure that they clean their room/make their beds etc including my son. I also have to chase them up about their prayers and I feel that this 'strictness' is also a barrier in helping my son to grow -yet I KNOW that it is essential - if I'm easy-going NOTHING GETS DONE!
Somehow, my girls seem to be doing better than my son i.e they seem more well-rounded, more affectionate, not frustrated/not highly strung and I wonder 'where am I going wrong?' Please can you shed some light on raising boys and in specific the ideal mother-son relationship/approach to discipline/rearing.
Thanks very much and I'm sorry that this is long.
Answer
As salamu `alaykum,
You sum it up nicely when you say, "I think the general belief here is that so long as the man is providing financially he's doing his job as far as his kids go."
It's unfortunate, but your son is reflecting his father's apathy and absence of true passion in and for life. Prophet Muhammad PBUH said that children are the secrets of their parents. Men in the modern world of Islam are so divorced from their own true spirits that they focus solely on the outward and cannot find or live by their own real truth.
Such is the depth of the hopelessness they feel and the distance they feel from the fire of their true love of God. But there is hope. Often a word to the wise is sufficient. Again, the absence of the teachings of the inner life is so dominant, I mean they have been so eradicated, that they are hard to find anywhere. Will the real men of Allah please stand up and become the inspirations they're meant to be, at least for their own children's sakes? You are the mother and let him be the father.
Name
Hwaa
- Egypt
Profession
Educationalists
Question
As salamu `alaykum wa rahamatullahi wa barakatuh Dr. Abdullah.
I want to ask your point of view as to why in this modern age you think that instead of increased understanding between men and women there is in fact less understanding and more stereotyping - as a result we relate to each other dysfunctionally.
Answer
My answer to that question is fear of love. When fear becomes the dominant coin of the realm, which it seems to have in the world of "orthodox" Islam, then love suffers the consequences and buries itself deep under the compulsion of conformity. Women are by nature love. They either do or should grow up in it and even if not, It often doesn't take them long to find it again if and when they manage to escape the grip of domination.
Men on the other hand, even when they are raised in love, have a dominant nature of competition. They're primarily competing with their fathers (for their mother's love?) and find themselves quickly in a competitive world where it seems that the rule is "Play the game (i.e. compete) or die". There is something inherently wrong with this, but the man can handle it if his women do not get involved. What I mean by this is - If women lose their security in the godliness of their own nature they tend to feel one of two things:
1)They feel the need to enter the "man's" world for the sake of survival (if they're alone) or
2)For the sake of helping their husbands. Helping their husbands is the job of other men, but since they're all so busy competing with each other they tend to lose touch with the human compassion and reason that bonds them. But it is the bonded guild, and brotherhood that attain success, for better or for worse.
And the second thing we're called to in the adhan is Falah, success and prosperity. This comes from jamaa, not separation.
Name
Dr. Mona
- Egypt
Profession
Pediatrician, Da`ia
Question
As girls, before we get into the period of engagement, scholars and bigger sisters tend to give us lessons of how to be the devoted Muslim wife that Allah wants of us. We listen to them carefully, and try our best to be those women, thinking that our men (fiances), have had the same lessons and have the same feelings, but unfortunately after marriage we find out that we are the only ones who took these lessons and thay they ( husbands) are only practising their role as husbands according to their own personal beliefs not according to Islam that we has females have learnt......... Comment.
Answer
Again, this speaks to the lost souls of men. If women are the souls and men are the wanderers, the women need to hold to their truths and demand the love from the men, who are their husbands fathers and sons. Instead of sending them out to war, like the battle of succeeding in the competitive field of earning a living, send then into to the battle for peace, cooperation and brotherhood among themselves. And the men must take this seriously. After all. It's their world that is going to hell.
Name
Rukaiya
-
Profession
student
Question
What do you think is the connection between a man's behavior and his ego with respect to his behaviour towards women?
Answer
I've actually been answering this question in my last responses. Ego is competitive, mainly because it is a defensive, adaptive structure. It is an attempt to represent the soul, but necessarily flawed because it is based upon immature interpretations of a flawed presentation of reality, i.e. our childhoods.
It must be released into the infinity of divine love in order for the reality to appear. And Allah says "Al Haaaqah! Wa maa adraka ma al haaaqah."
And how can you show your true reality? Well, for one by allowing us the freedom to try to create it ourselves and realizing what a miserable job we are doing of it until we are totally forced to give up, to Surrender our foolishness to the forgiveness of God and accept our true realities. So life is designed to force us to seek God, simply because no other man or woman-made idea or creation works. It's a process of elimination, and Allah confirms it when he says that mankind will struggle with every alternative before turning to God.
Name
hajji yak
-
Profession
Question
What is the right self development and self image to be professed by a good Muslim?
Answer
Dear Hajji
The obvious answer to your question is "Why the example of the Prophet Muhammad, of course". But your question is indicative of the competitive, comparative thinking that I'm mentioning as part of the problem.
Of course you mean well by it, but there are several elements that bear questioning. For example, what do you mean by a "Good" Muslim? Is there any other kind? We are told that surrender to our true nature is the true surrender (Islam) and not that surrender to something other that our true nature is of any real value. So if we conform to the societal standards of good, it does not necessarily imply that we are truly surrendering to our truth and by extension to God's reality. It is quite possible for us to submit to an unquestioned social norm that actually suppressed and replaces our natural divine and holy goodness.
And also you use of the word 'profess'. See how it becomes what we say that is important instead of how we feel about truth and reality? It's what we "profess" (implying to others) that becomes important. So use the pat and universally acceptable answer provided in the first sentence. But if we are living by our truths, then that's what we'll profess, and we'll actually be talking our walk, rather than disguising it with words.
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Dear visitors shukrillah for your contributions and questions and thamk-you to our visiting guests Dr. Abdul-Lateef Abdullaha and `Ali Ansari for guiding us with your answers through what are indeed difficult questions.
