Salam Difference to what exactly? I find this question quite insulting. Of course we can make a difference. The question shoud be how can we make a more positive difference surely?
Answer
As salamu `alaykum Noreen
Thank you for your response. I do appreciate your discomfort with the title of this session which was deliberate perhaps in order to draw out some dialogue on the topic.
While I agree with you, I feel that there is much that we as Muslim women have to retrieve in terms of respect and status in the society before we can begin to make that positive difference. Although we have made some headway, I fear that we have quite a way to go yet.
A number of women from the academic world have begun to write extensively about the Muslim woman as portrayed in traditional scholarship and as interpreted in the Qur'an. While their arguments have weight and scholarship it is a fact that their work is not accepted as part of the body of 'accepted' literature available and is subjected to intense interogation, scrutiny and criticism where, when it is the product of the male menbers of our community - scholarly or otherwise, it is not subject to the same rigorous procedure.
It is only in recent years women have dared to feel the right to even contribute in this field and it is something we must energetically encourage. As I work with women who con/re/vert to Islam I often find that these women women who are highly educated, skilled and, in some cases very professional, slip into this 'submissive' mold which they unwittingly and quite naively understand to be a state of 'piety'. they are encouraged into such states by other women who, through decades of cultural control, understand this to be the way it should be. It usually takes a number of years for them to realize that this is indeed nothing to do with being a woman in Islam resulting in taking as many years to gain back the self confidence and self respect lost.
In the recent elections a female con/re/vert candidate who was standing for a particular constituency was regarded as 'not a full Muslim' and therefore not entitled to the votes of the Muslim community! i do fully agree that we can and are making a more positive difference by our presence, both physical and verbal, in the society but I feel that we have quite a way to go yet in order to address the myths and misunderstandings about the Muslim woman and I don't mean in the rest of society - I mean the Muslim community.
Name
ummzak
-
Profession
Question
As salamu `alaykum.
I am working in the UK to try and encourage mosques to reform - to reform in terms of accountability, services and adequate space for women. I also want to see women have a role in decision making in mosques. I have come up with a lot of opposition from brothers who immediately quote ahadith:
"..a nation will never succeed that makes a woman their ruler!! To them that means we can be excluded from every space and all decision making powers.
How should one respond to these brothers who cannot respect women and only view us as fitnah, and do not wish to share the mosque/its decisions with us?
Answer
As salamu `alaykum Ummzak and thank you for your question which is quite a painful one for so many Muslim women throughout the UK.
Recently at a meeting of the New Muslim Network support workers from around the UK one lady spoke of making cakes and things to sell so that they could generate income to provide resources for the work they were doing with a mosque in a particular city in the UK. I felt quite sad that the committee to the mosque did not feel that they should put some of their resources towards such work, especially when, I firmly believe, they have such resources which would be made available if it were the male members of the community who were in need of them. Of course the number of mosques around the UK who don't allow women on the premises to pray, who have no female representation on the committee etc is a very sad reflection of how women are viewed in our community.
What I feel ought to be done is - first a survey of all mosques in the UK and what their facilities provide as well as how they are managed. This would give us something tangable as a platform from which we could address the whole question to the community and challenge the existing structures. I would also try to make it necessary for all Mosques in the process of being constructed that planning permission is not granted until and unless it addresses the needs of the whole community both in managerial terms and architecturally - prayer facilities, changing rooms, play rooms etc for Women and their children. I honestly feel that the only way to tackle this situation is through the legal channels available to us as citizens of this country. I do not feel it is possible to make any progress with men who quote such Hadith out of context in order to maintain domination and control and yet use other Hadith to patronize women in trying to present another face in terms of how women are respected in Islam and by Muslim men to the rest of society.
Name
MS
-
Profession
Question
As salamu `alaykum dear sister,
May Allah (swt) bless all those who strive to do good and follow the true path.
I am a female convert to Islam, i am a very ambitious person particularly so since i became a Muslimah. I have many interests and would like to do postgrad. studies as well as working in many fields related to Islam.
How did you get started in your field and what advice can you give me in order to realise my own ambitions?
I would like to do alot of volunteer work and help improve the situation for Muslims, particularly with regards to education, women, help to converts like myself, and informing non-Muslims about true Islam.
barak allahu fik my sister.
Answer
As salamu `alaykum
I was very fortunate that the Islamic Foundation where the New Muslims Project has its central office saw that there was a hucge need for sume kind of support to be established for those new to Islam. Of course this was out of a realization that con/re/verts to Islam had to face particular difficulties which are unique to this situation. From this we began to explore - with the help of those who had been Muslim for a number of years - what kind of services were needed and with our resources what we could realistically provide.
Al-hamdu Lillah it has grown to what it is today and we have a network of supporters around the UK who give one to one assistance as well as what we can do from central office. It really needs a well established organization to realize the need and to take on board the responsibility to provide it. If you would like to have some of our material so that it may help you to be involved or to initiate this kind of work wherever you are in the world please do not hesitate to get in touch.
If you wish to continue your studies - whatever they may be I would encourage you to go ahead by getting in touch with as many academic institutions as you can and finding out what assistance they can offer you towards your continuing studies. I'm not sure where you are in the world so cannot give you any particular directions on that. If you want to do volunteer work I would suggest that you look at some of the womens organizations which, though poorly resourced, can be quite successful in addressing the needs of community and see what you can do on a voluntary basis. When you refer to informing Muslims about Islam (I deliberately leave out the 'true' since everybody has their own perspective as to what that means) you can simply go out on school visits where teachers are crying out for Muslims to come and give interesting and engaging presentations about Islam to children.
Wa salam
Name
leila
-
Profession
Question
Salam
Yes I believe that Muslim women can make a difference through education, community service, as a mother and other aspects of life. But one thing is for sure, we women can be over powered by our emotional influence, so how can we overcome this problem. Meaning sometimes we women are inclined to follow our emotions rather than our faculty of reason. How can we solve or overcome this problem?
Salam
Answer
As salamu `alaykum Leila.
Emotional - yes indeed we can be and what a good thing that can be Ma sha'Allah - when the time is right. Mind you Leila I have been on a number of Shura committees where men were included or were - need I say it - the majority and they can be just as emotional at times.
Just turning a half century in years Leila (I always try to stand back) - not literally - and listen as attentively as I can and should I wish to respond, I put my trust in Allah and structure my response in as rational and Islamically focused manner as much as possible. To arrive at this point it has taken years and it comes with a kind of quiet and reasoned observation of what is going on because there can be quite a few things at play in situations that may not be very clear on first observance. As women I think that emotion is good because ti is what energizes us to do something about an issue, but it is how we do it is the important thing.
There is a great deal of literature available as to how we can ovecome emotion and get positive results and coupled with the Islamic advice it can be a very positive experience.
Wa salam
Name
Iman
-
Profession
Question
As salamu `alaykum,
I have read and heard about many stories of people who converted to Islam. Whilst these stories are interesting and helpful, they all give a flowery picture of life being great after discovering the truth. There is very little advice or stories from people like myself who are going through extremely difficult moments with our families because of our conversion to Islam.
How can we reach out more to these people and deal with the real issues during the transition?
What types of activities or issues have you dealt with during your work with converts?
I know many sisters who have converted and are going through difficulties and `in sha'allah, we all try to support and encourage each other.
Answer
Iman, `as salamu `alaykum
Thank you for your very frank question and very real observation of some of the difficulties that we face. I personaly agree whole-heartedly with you and in our newsletter 'Meeting Point' we don't have articles about the process of ones con/re/version to Islam. Like you have pointed out, they can be very flowery and similar in content and while they may make good reading for other Muslims around the world they can get a little tedious for those who've been there - done that etc.
Once a female friend sent in an article under the heading ' Window on the World of...so and so' it was about her life as a single parent, the pain of a divorce, having gone from the 'I want to shout from the rooftops that I am a Muslim' to 'here oh where can I go and hide?' feeling.
She though I would not publish it because it was not the happy clappy kind of article we might espect to have in the magazine, but I did because there are so many like her whose despair is being live out very privately in homes all over the UK and the world.
During the transition Iman there is a kind of intensity and zealousness which is a bit freeky really and for old hands like ourselves we try our best to direct people into spending their energy in a positive sense. However it is phase of the 'rose-tinted glasses, and little of what we say is taken on board in a way it is almost the tragedy that people have to go out and get stung before they come to realize the pitfalls and in such cases all you can do is to be there to pick up the pieces - sadly that is the way it is.
Al hamdu-Lillah, as long as we can make people aware of the situation and try to get more mature people on board who can lend their voice, their support and a shoulder to lean on when times get tough, that is something.
I have dealt with so many issues that I think I have seen the worst scenario until something even worse comes along and I feel like a novice again. My current difficulties is trying to assist female con/re/verts who have been stalked on the Internet by men from the 'Muslim' world who entice them to marriage, use them as a means of getting into the UK, get a passport, leave taking half the house or all of it etc. Also I have issues of International parent child abduction which I work with and organization called reunite where a parent - usually a father - abducts his children back to his country of origin due to problens in the marriage - the list is endless Iman but these are the worst situations. Others are milder but none the less painful for those going through them - and may Allah grant all those who are facing trials and difficulties His mercy and protection and keep them forever in His Shade -
Ameen
Wa salam
Name
a sister
- Australia
Profession
house wife
Question
I am a woman who wears niqab in Australia. I am having second thoughts about keeping it on because I feel that it has a negative da`wah towards my family and a bit towards my husbands family. I also think that if I did take it off I would do more da`wah towards my family who are misguided. It will lessoen the hate towards becoming Muslim and warm my mothers heart and other relatives hearts toward Islam.
I have looked into the issue of niqab and if it's Sunnah or fard; and I feel itss more Sunnah than fard. The thing is that my husband doesn't want me to take it off because he is a jealous man. How can I get through to him that maybe it's better for me to take it off to do more da`wah to my family and also to those around me? I feel that the niqab forms a barrier to giving da`wah in the west. Is it better to take off niqab in these western countries if one believes it's Sunnah?
Answer
As salamu `alaykum
I an not a supporter of niqab and find it a complete turn off in terms of communicating with people. To me it says 'Stay Away' - I do not wish to acknowledge or have dialogue with you - please do not invade my space'.
My feeling is that when I awake every day I think to myself what can I do today to address the misunderstandings about Islam - How can I make someone more aware about Islam - what can my presence in this world on this day do to influence someone positively about Islam and I go about my work with the help of Allah. Niqab will not allow me to do this and as far as your husband is concerned - let him get over himself - the situation with Islam in the world today is far too important compared with petty jealousy.
Wa salam
Name
maryam
-
Profession
Question
As salamu `alaykum sister,
I am a convert to Islam although my family does not know about it. I pray everyday that Allah will guide my parents to Islam. I love them so much and try to show them respect, and a good example through my own behavior. Nevertheless, love has become so artificial in our society that I feel my parents do not understand exactly how much I love them. i would like to educate them more about Islam, but they do not really talk about such things which are taboo. also, i know that they have many misconceptions and that they are hostile to Islam.
How can I make them understand or make them see things differently?
How can I begin to explain about Islam not forgetting the fact that they do not know about me being Muslim?
Answer
As salamu `alaykum Maryam.
My heart goes out to you and your situation which is the same for so many who have chosen to become Muslim. Your parents are important hwoever and we have to be sensative towards them and try to show as much love and respect as we can in spite of their feelings about Islam. Parents react to a family mamber doing something which is out of the norm and beyond their own capabilities of understanding whatever that may be - doing drugs etc. In this case it is religion. They are fearful since the only knowledge they have of Islam is from the media and that is mostly destructive. Also they will feel a little betrayed and let down that their child, who they brought up with a set of values which ahs held them in good stead oever the years has chosen to abandon thier values in favor of something else that is quite alien and in their opinion destructive. Be gentle with them - they are from another generation and will have difficulties in dealing with what they are not familiar with. Try to talk with them about things - don't mention Islam but talk about it if you know what I mean. Talk about common things that they live by and that are Islamic as well - eventually, with God's help and guidance you will be able to confide in them. Be good to them and always remember that they looked after you when you were a child and unable to do it for yourself and may Allah guide and give you the wisdom to find the right way.
Wa salam
Name
mona
- Egypt
Profession
editor
Question
Can Muslim women really make a difference in western environments, can they and if yes how?
Answer
Mona, As salamu `alaykum
Muslim women in western environments are curtailed by their status and immigration situation in many of the countries of Europe. Within the Muslim communities they are imprisoned by the traditions and culture that is imposed on them by their communities. These communities are both physically and as a result psychologically ghetto-ized and live in a kind of time warp since arriving in the countries they have settled in.
While things have moved ahead in their countries of origin, things ahve stayed static for them due to trying to preserve their traditions and values in a bid to survive. This is the legacy of the Muslim economic migrant. Things are changing slowly due to the changed within the countries they have settled, the changing situation of Muslims throughout the world and the fact that the Muslim communities in Europe are becoming very diverse in themselves which is very challenging.
Women have been forced out of their homes and safe environments to deal with the problems faced by the community and particularly by themselves. To this end they have excelled in creating structures within the communities to deal with their earned crisis'.
However on an intellectual level and on the representative level, in dealing with a government etc the women are mergianalized and need to be seen and heard, acknowledged and respected by the whole of society and there is a great deal to do before this can be achieved.
Wa salam
Name
FASEELA
- India
Profession
STUDENT
Question
I am a muslim girl aged 17. I fell-in-love with one young man aged around 25. My family is refusing to marry me to this man as they are saying his character is not good. They are saying he is using alcohol during special occasions, but they can't prove it. What can I do withstanding the Islamic basics?
Answer
As salamu `alaykum Faseela.
At 17 life is very simplistic and it is difficult to think that the one you havee given your heart to might be flawed in any way. Your parents, because they have lived considerably longer than you may have more information and will definitely have more insight into the workings of a more complex world than you, and you have to acknowledge that.
However I do respect your feeling also and if you are truly interested in this person and want to spend the rest fo your life with him, then make the effort to find out the truth for yourself. Ask other people you know and trust about him, establish the truth and then take it to your parents and present them with something they will be acceptable and from people they respect. You must also pray that the choices you make in life, whether they be the greater ones or the smaller ones, are guided by Allah and that you will have peace in your heart reagrding everything `in sha'Allah
