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Name
Jonas...
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Profession
Question
What is your advice to overcome the tremendous generation gap our Muslim generation living here in the United Sates or/and in the other so called western countries face? We actually have a problem of mutual understanding.
Answer
Assalamu alaykum ya Jonas,
you are correct in that a very similar problem is being experienced by Muslims living in the US and in other "western" countries vis a vis the generation gap. Alhamdulillah, the seerah of the Prophet Muhammad sal allahu alayhi wasallam teaches us how to handle this already. From his life we see that he intentionally involved the "next generation" right from the start. His own cousin Ali ibn Abi Talib radhi allahu anhu was between 9 and 11 years old when he accepted Islam according to various narrations. And right from that age, the Prophet Muhammad sal allahu alayhi wasallam used to involve hadrath Ali and other youth of the time in various facets of community life. It was therefore not a surprise that many of the youth who were between 10 and 20 years old while the Prophet was still alive, went on to lead the Muslim community in so many ways.
Our challenge then is to try and emulate the Prophet Muhammad's approach. We need more programs and activities in our masajid which involve our youth in substantial ways. We need to listen to them, to seek their advice and to advise them. Too often we involve the youth in token ways such as having them do the adhan, or recite the qur'an at the beginning of a program. We definitely need to encourage that. BUT, we also need to involve them in committees such as program development, media, community outreach, fundraising, and of course community service. They will make mistakes of course but that is precisely what we want is that they make the mistakes in the company of patient, nurturing elders who will guide them insha'allah.
The youth who are born in the "western" countries are "people of the land." As such, they are fluent in the language, customs, and other subtleties of the "western" culture. We should take advantage of those strengths.
These are initial thoughts. You should read the works of Dr. Tariq Ramadan for much greater coverage.
Wassalam..
Name
Murad
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Profession
Question
This is not my own problem but it is a general problem and we may call it a : 'Phenomena" , belonging to the second generation we do not have the racist vision our parents have towards other Muslim ethnic groups, and therefore we -those belonging to the second or third generation- do not mind to marry others from other muslim ethnic or racial background.
what is your advice to have happy interracial marriages
how can we overcome the refusal of our parents to marry those from other races
Answer
Alhamdulillah Murad that you are bringing up this point. We have noticed that there is a lot of tension between the generations regarding inter-marriage among Muslims of various ethnicities and racial backgrounds.
However, in some cases only, it is racism. In most cases, when you really talk to the parents in detail, you will find that they are not racist at all. Their preference for their son or daughter to marry from their own race or ethnicity or even sometimes, from their own "village back home" is rooted in what we may term the "comfort factor."
This comfort factor basically refers to the parents believing that if the potential candidate speaks the same language, is familiar with the customs, and yes, eats the same food, then there will be automatic compatibility. While one can respect this desire to have a high comfort level based on these and other such variables, there are problems with this outlook.
First of all, there are many youth in the West who do not speak the language of their parents' ancestry. Instead, they are usually fluent in English, French, German etc. and are able to survive with just a few words from their parents' language. Second, most of the youth grow up having a "common" culture, i.e. the one of Muslims in the West. So, they do not really have many differences between them and another youth who grew up in the West. Again, we should not generalize, but more often than not, youth who grow up in the West can have healthy marriages with each other even if their parents are NOT from the same country, race, ethnicity etc. It's a lot of work, but it is possible.
"Sometimes, parents refuse at first and then accept to let their son or daughter marry a person of another race or nationality. Other times, the parents are set in their ways and do not accept anyone from another race or nationality. The key to this is NOT to wait to talk to one's parents until AFTER you have already found someone you want to marry from another race or nationality.
It is possible that depending on the particular candidate, your parents might change their mind. The approach is very important. If you become overly involved with the potential candidate and your parents do not change their mind, the situation will be very difficult.
The overall goal is to always respect your parents while also appealing to them through politeness and patience. Have local elders or the Imam intervene to help speak to your parents on your behalf and more importantly, to vouch for the character and personality of the potential candidate even though he or she is from a difference race or nationality. Insha'allah this helps.
Name
b.n
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Profession
Question
I was born here in Canada and raised here , therefore I am loyal to this land, I am not attached to the " country of origin" in anyway , but some Muslim collegues see this feeling as being "wrong" and make me feel somehow guilty of not being so loyal to the country of origin as I am to Canada. Now as a pious Muslim how should I feel , or let's say what is my obligation towards both countries.
Answer
Your first obligation is to work on being a pious Muslim and that means practicing Islam according to the Qur'an and the teachings of our beloved Prophet Muhammad sal allahu alayhi wasallam. The focus of your question is really on "outlook." Some youth are raised to believe that they are somehow losing their identity if they do not retain an attachment to their parents' country of origin. What is attachment after all? And is there a problem between the attachment and being a pious Muslim?
Attachment could mean speaking the language of that country, enjoying food of that country, wearing traditional clothing from that country, visiting that country, etc. If that is how they view attachment, there is no problem in that.
However, the real problem becomes when people add the practice of Islam into the equation. Meaning, they emphasize the practice of Islam according to how Islam is practiced in their country of origin. This usually becomes manifested with regards to practices related to birth, weddings, death etc, i.e. life events. And it is common knowledge that most of those are "cultural" practices and are sometimes in direct contradiction of the Qur'an and the teachings of Prophet Muhammad. Quite often those cultural practices emerge from local customs which are rooted in other local religions or customs.
You should be respectful of their attachment to their country of origin but you should NOT let them make you feel guilty for what you believe. You are a Muslim, born in Canada. And it is natural for you to be attached to Canada more.
Hope this helps.
Name
Muzzamil
- Belgium
Profession
Question
Do you think the second generation in the West should get involved deeper into politics, social activities...etc? Do you think that would serve as a solution to the problems facing Muslims now in the West?
Answer
This question is complex. The reality of our situation in the West is that we have not yet had a critical mass of Islamic scholars who are born and raised in the West. So far, Muslims in the West have relied on Islamic scholars who are not from the West and despite their sincere intentions they do cannot grasp the full reality of the particular context of Muslims living in the West. Even if we had more Islamic scholars from the West, even then we would want them to be specialized in each country of the West since each context is so different.
Should we get involved in politics? Social Activities? As long as getting involved in either does not contradict the teachings of Islam, we should definitely get involved. We should not only get involved but our involvement should help to share our Islamic beliefs with people of other faith.
Would getting involved serve as a solution to the problems Muslims are facing now? Perhaps, but of course, we put all of our trust in Allah and put forth our effort in politics and other social activities. Getting involved would help those in the West to become familiar with Islamic values. The greatest challenge Muslims face today is that the West only knows us through orientalists and the media, neither of which has presented a favorable image of Islam. We need to show the West that we are a religion whose values are timeless and universal not a religion which is outdated and backwards. By getting involved, the young generation would present a positive image of Islam on one hand and on the other hand, over time, by Allah's will, a few of us could actually rise in positions of influence in policymaking etc.
Our goal should be to think global and act local. You must have heard that many times. Think of all the issues that Muslims can work with others on by getting involved in politics. For example, at the local level, everyone is concerned about crime, about safety, about hunger, homelessness, and about the poor in general. All of these issues are addressed by politicians in one way or another BUT none of those particular issues are contradictory to any Islamic teachings. So, why should Muslims not be at the forefront of supporting legislation that fights crime, increases funding for homeless shelters and in general for social services.
Social activities such as community service are the cornerstone of the Islamic understanding of social welfare. Every Muslim youth should be required to engage in community service monthly, if not weekly. By interacting with people of other faith, we learn about them, and most importantly, we teach them about Islam and the Islamic values of generosity, respect, and most importantly, mercy for all of Allah's creation.
Hope this gets you started insha'allah!
Name
R..S
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Profession
Question
Being a mother of teens i am really confused how to deal with them the best way, shall i really push them to be independant and responsible by giving them more "freedom" concerning (choosing friends, being involved in school activities, travelling abroad....) or shall i be more protective due to all th challenges i can see around. On daily basis we as parents have to draw very precise lines and this is difficult
what is your advice concerning that (More freedom with more risk or more protection with the risk of raising unsocial kids)
Answer
The question is not which one you should do more of, but rather one of creating a healthy balance between being protective and granting them freedoms. There are ways to achieve this balance. First, remember that as a parent it is important for you to be involved in the lives of your teens. That does not mean you have to be with them 24 hours a day. It does mean that you maintain open channels of communication with them such that they feel comfortable telling you how their day went for example. They will also seek your advice if they have that level of comfort.
You can also strike up a conversation by asking, "How did your day go?" Through that conversation, you will automatically find out things like who their new friends are and what activities they are involved in. Most importantly, talking to your children helps you understand how they are spending their time.
Second, try not to be judgmental about your children if you should hear something they say or see something they do which you do not like or agree with. Of course, all life threatening actions should be attended to without delay. We are talking about day to day life events. Steer the conversation through questions that help your teen come to the conclusion that the particular activity or friend is not in their best interest.
Third, trust your inner instincts but ALSO rely on your children to put things in the proper perspective. Your inner instinct as a mother is always to be protective. You want the best for your children. You want them to be safe from friends who could hurt them, from activities which could harm them etc. That is a rahma (mercy) that has been bestowed in the hearts of mothers by Allah Most High. However, sometimes, if you are not fully informed about a situation, your protective instinct might produce a reaction that is not proportional to the seriousness of the situation. Let your children help you understand the situation from their perspective and then balance your protective instinct with letting them have freedom within Islamic limits.
Fourth, within Islamic limits, you can let your children have some choices between certain activities. If they feel that they have some degree of choice, they will learn how to decide on their own in the future. Teach them the criteria for making effective choices within Islamic limits.
Remember that children respect consistency in the reaction of their parents. So be consistent in dealing with them, especially if they are of different genders. Make du'a to Allah to grant you children insha'allah who grow strong in their Iman and continue to be the joy of your eyes.
Name
Abu Salma
- Egypt
Profession
Question
Dear sir, As-Salamu Alaykum. How do you think the Muslim second generation in the West can face the campaigns accusing Muslims of being terrorists and Islam as being the fountainhead and source of all sorts of terrorism? How can they live in that atmosphere? How can they be “normal” citizens while they feel they are accused, rejected and in some cases resented by the societies they are living in?
Answer
All of the points you have raised are valid. This is the current situation. It is a situation that is of our own making. What we mean by that is that Muslims in the West were much to introverted and did not concern ourselves with the larger society. For too long we focused all of our energies on building masajid, Islamic schools, and making sure that we had halal (dhabiha) meat. These are all obligations for sure BUT at least some of our energies should have been spent on informing our neighbors about Islam. In so many cases, the neighbors of the street where the masjid is located have NEVER been invited inside the masjid to know what happens inside; to learn about what Muslims believe in; and to learn about the diversity in the Islamic populations.
Open houses for masajid serve as such an eye opener for people of other faith. Until they come inside our masajid and see for themselves what we do inside, most people of other faith are left to rely on the media soundbytes that tell them that so and so Imam was accused of terrorism or that Muslim who is accused of that crime belonged to such and such masjid. If a neighbor of the masjid hears such a story AND personally knows the Imam or the local Muslim congregation, he or she will be the first to defend Islam and Muslims against the vicious attacks from the media.
However, this situation is temporary insha'allah. Things will improve and are already starting to improve. More and more people of the second and third generation are taking steps to reach out to people of other faith. Let us make du'a that in time, Muslims will assert their Islamic identity AND become a part of the fabric of society in the West.
You correctly state that the youth face difficulty living a "normal" life under these circumstances. This is precisely why the parents and community must create more programs and activities to foster an Islamic identity in the youth. We need to spend more of our energies and our finances in helping our children understand that they are a part of the univeral family of Muslims and that they have a lot to be proud of with regards to the contribution that Islam has made and can make towards the betterment of society as a whole.
Finally, in some cases, we should be ready to provide counseling to our youth who have suffered first-hand the challenges of being accused, rejected and resented as you have rightly stated. Counseling will help them to process their feelings insha'allah and to begin the process of healing for them. Alhamdulillah, more of our second generation are entering into the fields of counseling and social work and we should encourage that! And Allah knows best.
Name
Saeed
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Profession
Question
How do you think the second generation can deal with the problem of having conflict of allegiance, i.e between nationality and religious identity?
Answer
We had answered a similar question for a visitor from Canada. So, parts of that answer will be repeated here insha'allah.
The Islamic teachings tell us to be a Muslim anywhere we are in the world. Of course, it is human nature for us to feel some attachment or "allegiance" to our place of birth. There is no problem with having such an allegiance as long as one does not sacrifice the ultimate allegiance, which is to Allah Most High.
We explain further what we mean by attachment or allegiance. Attachment could mean speaking the language of that country, enjoying food of that country, wearing traditional clothing from that country, visiting that country, etc. We can extend this further with regards to "allegiance" by adding that one is concerned about the issues that affect that country. As long as those issues do not contradict the teachings of Islam, there is no problem in that. And also, with attachment, if the view of attachment is as we have stated above, there is no problem in that.
However, the real problem becomes when people add the practice of Islam into the equation. Meaning, they emphasize the practice of Islam according to how Islam is practiced in their country of origin. This usually becomes manifested with regards to practices related to birth, weddings, death etc, i.e. life events. And it is common knowledge that most of those are "cultural" practices and are sometimes in direct contradiction of the Qur'an and the teachings of Prophet Muhammad. Quite often those cultural practices emerge from local customs which are rooted in other local religions or customs.
We should teach our second generation to give their total allegiance to Allah most High no matter which country they live in. Of course, they can be effective citizens of any country as long as that means the country's constitution does not forbid them from the total practice of Islam. In the US, there is an explicit allowance in the constitution for freedom of religion for example.
Finally, the real problem the second generation faces is that their parents want them to be nationalistic. The parents end up emphasizing nationalism more than Islamic practice and that can be extremely confusing for the children. And Allah knows best.
